​The Destiny Point in Astrology: Where to Find + How to Werk Your Vertex (Not a Medical Thing) 💫

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Hello! This is a re-publication of my post, How to Find the Vertex, or Destiny Point, in a birth, transit, or relationship chart! ⚡️🌀✨

I’ve updated it to include more info about what to do if you think your Vertex has been activated (“ew, what does THAT mean?” …read to find out! 😉), with links to free chart generators and instructions for discovering if your Vertex has been “activated” before… whether by a planet, an eclipse, or by somebody else's planets! 🙀

NOTE: I mention and link to my post about when my Vertex was struck by an eclipse in 2021, but just FYI, that post hasn’t been cleaned up or updated in hella days, but it’s def’ on my teux-deux list!

Remember to subscribe to find out when it’s live! ✌🏻

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here’s my new take on transits…

Transiting planets (+ Nodes… etc.) are basically stimuli, or engines. 🎆 

What exactly do they stimulate?

Our birth chart. ✨

Without transits, nothing would change, nothing could even be realized, including your chart’s hypothetical potential, which is what a natal chart actually is…

…just, potential. 👐🏻✨

Your Chiron is just pain, your Saturn is just boo. ❌

The whole freaking thing a permanent what if…?

But, like—what if reincarnation is totally for real, and there are all these clues, these consistent little evidences that time and space are illusory, and we’re basically in a simulacrum where temporal culture is raging out of control, like malware in our human programming, and astrology can help us pinpoint this malware in our inner narrative, and also use the power of analogy, metaphor, and simile to dissect triggers, omens, and other stimuli as they crest upon our consciousness…

…all so that we might be happier and more effective in our little fate-driven crises…

…and able to actualize our chart potential? 😳

“Free will is the ability to do gladly that which I must do.”

— Carl Jung

in which case, yes, fate, destiny, and the fulfillment of your potential would and does depend on planet transits! 🤩

Like—no matter how much you invest into LOA, you might still have to wait out a specific transit, one activating a specific piece of your chart, in order for the destined circumstances to come into play…

…or basically, a turning point. ✨

is there anything in our birth chart that might help us examine past moments of “transcendence”, or anticipate these maj’ turning points in our lives…?

YAS… the Vertex, a.k.a. the Destiny Point. 🌀⚡️✨

In a birth chart, the Vertex symbolizes a trigger point, a point in everyone’s chart that can be activated by transiting planets and/or planets in other people’s charts.

When activated by transits or synastry, depending on the planet making the contact, our Vertex indicates the theme (zodiac sign) and experiences (house) of fateful encounters and “destined” feeling moments.

(For better or worse. 😳)

and we need to talk about mine, because my chiron (“soul-wound”) and vertex (“destiny”) were tripped by the gemini solar eclipse in june 2021…

…which was officially the first moment I’d ever been completely self-aware of an astrological phenomenon as it was cresting upon my consciousness… ✨

…though it made me want to ugly-cry from confused humiliation, and then I went twice through the Sbux drive-thru in one day, now you know literally everything. 🙊

below, i’ll show you the 1-2-3s of finding + interpreting the vertex (a.k.a. destiny point ✨) in your own chart…

…plus how to find out when it’s about to get transited (or if it has been transited in the past)…

…and finally, how to evaluate where and how the destiny point shows up in your relationships on a synastry chart! 🤩🥰

I’ll also provide tips on how to cope and manage a Vertex activation, though I am mos’ def’ not an expert, and can possibly only provide hazard signals and warnings!

i provide all the links and step-by-steps for scoring free natal, transit, and synastry charts, but be advised…

…you’ll need accurate birth times (not guess-timates), as well as calendar dates for any spooky-woo moments in your past (that may have been a Vertex activation!).

SO, grab your birth certificate, or start dialing your momma and aunties! 📱

AND BEFORE WE BEGIN, let me better explain the Vertex and Destiny Point.

What is THE VERTEX, or Destiny Point, in Astrology?

TECHNICALLY SPEAKING… the Vertex isn’t a body, such as a planet, but is formed by where the ecliptic (or path of the Sun) intersected the prime vertical: an imaginary line dividing the sky into two halves, a “front” and “back”.

“[L. Edward Johndro] reasoned that if the Ascendant was determined by the intersection of the Great Circles of the Ecliptic and Horizon and the MC was determined by the intersection of the Great Circles of the Meridian and Ecliptic, there should also be a very sensitive point of energy at the intersection of the Great Circles of the Prime Vertical and the Ecliptic. He called the western axis of this point the Vertex and the eastern the antiVertex. He felt that the Vertex was the electrical, the Ascendant the magnetic and the MC the gravity axis in a natal chart.”

— AlicePortman.com, “The Vertex Axis in Relationships”

The Vertex is also referred to as the “Destiny Point” or “Destiny’s Gate,” because of its reputation for culminating into destiny and personal ascendency.

When activated by transit, progressions, or synastry, the Vertex coincides with major turning points

✨ the vertex can only be found on the right or “fate half” of your chart…

…because it pertains to fated encounters and situations, the Vertex is only found in the Fifth-Eighth Houses or right-hand side of our chart (full instructions for finding your’s below ✨).

This right-hand hemisphere (containing the Descendent angle) is known as the “fate” half of our chart, while the left hemisphere (containing the Ascendent angle) is considered the “freewill” half… 

…allegedly, because, we have more creative control over the planets, points, and angles on the left half of our chart, and less control over the objects on the right half of the chart (according to Steven Forrest in The Inner Sky).

“The ordinary Ascendant causes us to define ourselves by our experiences; the Vertex concerns itself with what we are (or can be) beyond our external circumstances. Vertex contacts feel ‘fated’ because they lead us to roads we instinctively feel, but cannot yet see. Vertex happenings invoke the Watcher in all of us–the one who knows, the one who works hand in hand with the one who experiences. This is the symbolic reason it appears on the opposite side of the chart from the Ascendant.”

— The Inner Wheel, “The Vertex versus the Nodes, Pt. I”

✨ the vertex is one of four “fate lines” to be found in a birth chart…

The Vertex, or “Destiny Point” is actually two points, comprising an angle stretching across your chart, between opposite signs and houses, known as the Ascension Axis. ⚡️

You’re probably already familiar with the other three “fate lines”, but under different names: the Magnetic Axis (the Ascendant-Descendant), the Gravity Axis (the Nadir-Midheaven), and the Karmic Axis (the Lunar Nodes).

The Ascension Axis is known as the spiritual ascendant, or the angle that draws spiritual, changing experiences to us.

“The Ascendant is who you are and how you express yourself. The Midheaven describes what you do (your career) and also one of your parents. As a result of how you express yourself and what you do, you are expected to express the characteristics and tasks of the Vertex.”

— Donna Henson, “The Vertex Report: Your Personal Destiny”

The Anti-Vertex represents the other half of “destiny’s gate,” and can also be activated by transits and other people’s planets. While the Vertex depends on other people (being on the relationship, “fated” portion of the birth chart), the sign and house placement of our Anti-Vertex speaks to what we cultivate on our own, the abilities, themes, and experiences that eventually lead into our “destined moments”.

Because the Vertex must be activated, it doesn’t reveal itself through our personality, though we might an have intuition, an instinct to develop the abilities symbolized by the planetary ruler of our Vertex sign.

“Ultimately, interpreting the Vertex axis isn’t very different from interpreting anything else in the chart. Whatever house it falls in indicates the realm of experience the ‘awakening’ encounters will occur in. The sign describes the method/process of the experience and also the general flavour of it. The rulers of the Vertex axis play a part, as do any planets conjunct the Vertex axis and the houses they rule.”

— The Inner Wheel, “Synastry Q & A: The Vertex”

But, until the Vertex is activated, we might not realize how those abilities were meant to parlay into our fate, or what role they would play in our destiny.

IN FACT, you might think of a Vertex activation as “puberty” for consciousness. We don’t decide it, we’re not manifesting it, it’s just programmed to happen. Our personality is not a factor in the process, though our personalities can develop and change with the activation.

We don’t choose it, the moment chooses us…

…and, for better or worse, we all do really want to be chosen! 🙏🏻

For more about the Vertex as part of the Ascension Axis (and the other “fate lines” in your chart), check out this post. ✨

✨ what activates the vertex?

There are 3 basic ways to activate your Vertex:

• TRANSITS TO VERTEX. Transits by other planets to your natal Vertex (which happens a lot with the Sun, Moon, Venus, Mercury, and Mars). Eclipses can also activate the Vertex, as I’ve discovered. And from the research, it seems like it’s not dependent on one planet transiting over the Destiny Point, but a combination of planet transits, and what else they’re transiting over in your chart.

• PROGRESSIONS TO THE VERTEX. Progressions reveal how your natal chart changes over time. If you have any natal planets in your Fifth - Eighth Houses, particularly the Sun or Moon (which progress faster than your other planets), they might eventually come upon your Vertex, and striate your inner awareness with insights related to your destiny process. During this time, you’d be living and breathing synchronicity.

• OTHER PEOPLE’S PLANETS CONJUNCT YOUR VERTEX (OR ANTI-VERTEX). The Vertex gets used a lot in relationship astrology (synastry and composite charts). Often, committed couples, besties, and super-enmeshed siblings have strong Vertex connections between their charts. Even without knowing the astrology, these are the relationships described as having a destined feeling, where both people feel the other one play’s a pivotal, supportive role in helping realize their true potential.

✨ what happens when the vertex is activated?

Fateful encounters and destined moments. 👐🏻✨

As one astrologer describes it, Vertex activations instigate a cataclysmic process, where events, meetings, and circumstances arrange themselves in such a way as to break up, dissolve, and dismantle all factors not currently aligned with your personal ascension.

The events and circumstances depend on your chart, and the configuration of transits (or synastry aspects) that helped conspire the trigger moment.

✨ how can you find and use the vertex point?

• IN A NATAL CHART > Examine your Vertex in your chart (sign, house, aspects) for hints about your destiny process. This post shows you how to start reading your natal chart, but you’ll need to come back here to find out how to look up your Vertex. ✨

• IN A TRANSIT CHART > You can cast charts for upcoming transits, estimating when (+ where) your Vertex might get tripped. Forewarned is forearmed. I show you a couple methods for tracking (or looking up) transits to your Vertex below (👇🏻), and you can learn more about reading a transit chart over here. ✨

• IN A SYNASTRY CHART > A synastry chart is created by overlaying one natal chart over another, and lining them up according to zodiac signs. In a synastry chart, you’d look for aspects between each other’s Sun, Moon, Ascendant, Midheaven, Venus or Mars, as well as your Vertex (or anti-Vertex). These connections might tell you if someone is meant to be in your life, and how they support your ultimate destiny. And FYI: Vertex activations aren’t always romantic—you can have a contact point between your Vertex and your kid’s Ascendant or Sun, for example, or connections between you and your mentor’s Vertex. I’ll show you how to find and evaluate the Vertex in a synastry chart below, and you can learn more about synastry here. ✨
  

✨ btw, the vertex is also known as the “wish point”…

Some astrologers also refer the Vertex as the “Wish Point,” because Vertex transits are reported to come on the heels of actual wishes: for a new life, new love, new purpose…

Often, the fateful meetings and circumstances of a Vertex activate seem like the answer to our secret prayers (uttered in those teary, dark-night-ish moments), and almost always coincide with major shifts in consciousness—often shifts in the very matrix of our life.

Enter “be careful what you wish for—you just might get it” scenarios.

Like—you might be wishing for skills, talents, or gifts you sense rattling around inside, and also feel you can’t access…

When the Vertex is activated, that access point is unveiled. 🔦

SO BASICALLY, by doing Mad Libs-style astrology with your Vertex placement, you might guess the who-what-when-why of these destined moments, whether they’ve happened in the past (or recently), and whether the people involved are meant-to-be!

HOW TO FIND AND INTERPRET THE VERTEX IN A Birth CHART

OKAY, I’m gonna explain where + how to score a free copy of your birth chart showing the Vertex, then share some descriptions and summaries for helping you find your Vertex sign and house…

…after that, I’m gonna show you how to find out what’s transiting your Vertex (if anything), and THEN, show you how to look for and delineate the Vertex in synastry! 😍💞

OKAY, ONE CRITICAL INGREDIENT > You need your accurate birth time for an online software to calculate a chart showing the Vertex. As accurate as you can get, because the degree° numbers of our angle placements (including the Vertex, a.k.a. our “auxiliary descendent” and “spiritual ascendent”) change every four minutes.

1. Pull up a copy of your natal chart. This post shows you how to get one from Astro.com. When you get to step #6, click VERTEX from the dropdown menu under “Additional Objects”, just under CHIRON. 👍🏻

2. Look to the right half of the chart, in your Fifth - Eighth Houses, for the letters “VERTE” (it’s missing the ‘x’ for some reason').

3. Note the zodiac sign on the outer rim of the chart, and confirm the house number between the spokes at center.

4. WRITE IT OUT > Vertex (any conjunctions?) in (the sign) in (the house). (Add the degree number to be fancy… and super-accurate. ✅)

5. WRITE OUT ITS OPPOSITE POINT > Anti-Vertex in (the opposite sign) in (the opposite house). (At the same degree, just different sign.)

6. Now, Google it all out... but don’t worry, I’m gonna link you to hella resources for every sign, house, and type of aspect you’ll need to look it all up! 😎

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ALTERNATE VERSION >
Visit + use the Cafe Astrology Vertex Calculator, just plug in your birth data. ☺️✨

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HERE’S MINE WRITTEN OUT >

Vertex ☌ (“conjunct” or side-by-side) Chiron in Gemini in the Eighth House. ♊️

Anti-Vertex ☌ Saturn in Sagittarius in the Second House. ♐️

✨ to interpret your vertex, we’ll basically break it down into keywords, mad libs-style…

Vertex (destiny) + Chiron* (soul-wound) in Gemini (connection) in the Eighth House (intimacy + power). 

(*Like that? My soul-wound is linked to my destiny. It’s like finding out that Pinhead from Hellraiser is the guardian angel of my destiny process. 😳😵‍💫)

So my passages through “destiny’s gate” apparently coincide with healing opportunities (vertex conjunct chiron), usually within the arena of my intense resource / psychological issues (eighth house), great. 👍🏻💫

✨ where am I coming up with these keywords for mad libs-style astrology…? 🤔

Retained from hella years of reading hella books + Internet articles…

And also, referring to a spreadsheet where I collect such things as keywords for astrology placements, because…

…idk why I have a spreadsheet, but I guess this is where I use it. 🤓

If keywords don’t zap to mind as you’re doing this exercise, you just need more astrology reading, and are literally remedying that by being here right now, so we’re helping each other out! 🤗💗

✨ once you’ve identified it, google for each component of your vertex placement…

SO, you’ll Google for your Vertex sign, Vertex house, and any aspects to your Vertex.

“Vertex in Gemini”, “Vertex in the Eighth House”, and “Vertex conjunct Chiron, natal” for good measure. ✅

Pop quotes, summaries, and links into a Google Doc, or Pin to your astrology boards, or wherever you like to hold and sift through mind-exploding psycho-spiritual personal data.

(Or basically, start building your own spreadsheet database! 🤩✨)

🌟 WHAT DOES MY VERTEX SIGN MEAN…?

Here are some summaries of the Vertex in the signs and houses to help you out, and links to where you can get more intel!

Remember, the sign of your Vertex indicates the theme, and draws in themes from the opposite sign (where the Anti-Vertex sits).

🌟 VERTEX IN ARIES ♈️ > Destiny process themes includes originality, first hand experience, taking the lead, and rivalry.

🌟 VERTEX IN TAURUS ♉️ > Destiny process themes include the acquisition of beauty, splendor, and comfort, and relationships that cultivate value and artistry.

🌟 VERTEX IN GEMINI ♊️ > Destiny process themes include personal integration, mental or telepathic connections, and being in like-minded relationships.

🌟 VERTEX IN CANCER ♋️ > Destiny process themes include laying roots, heart-centered belonging, and relationships built on sustenance and somatic-level entwinement.

🌟 VERTEX IN LEO ♌️ > Destiny process themes include play, validation, in finding a muse, unlocking creative potential, and relationships based on appreciation.

🌟 VERTEX IN VIRGO ♍️ > Destiny process themes include improvement, utility, ritual, and relationships that help us find our rhythm and honor our personal method.

🌟 VERTEX IN LIBRA ♎️ > Destiny process themes include collaboration, negotiating for truth and peace, and reassessing self-interest in light of others’ interests.

🌟 VERTEX IN SCORPIO ♏️ > Destiny process themes include depth, intimacy, unwavering commitment, and relationships based on intense shared experiences.

🌟 VERTEX IN SAGITTARIUS ♐️ > Destiny process themes include adventure, gaining full perspective, targeting for joy, and relationships based on pursuing and experiencing the miraculous.

🌟VERTEX IN CAPRICORN ♑️ > Destiny process themes include duty and overcoming, building a legacy or something with lasting value, and relationships that help in fulfilling one’s potential.

🌟 VERTEX IN AQUARIUS ♒️ > Destiny process themes include sharing a vision, fashioning an ideology, becoming more of oneself (individuation), and relationships based on true friendship.

🌟 VERTEX IN PISCES ♓️ > Destiny process themes include mystical healing, surrendering ego-fixations, and spiritual-based relationships.

For more summary-descriptions of the Vertex in the signs, check out this article, compare to this one from Siddhantika, and also this one from CafeAstrology! ✨

🌟 WHAT DOES THE VERTEX IN THE HOUSES MEAN?

Remember, the Vertex only shows up in the righthand or “western” side of the chart (the “fate” hemisphere) in one of houses 5-8.

Houses 5 and 6 are considered the last of the “personal” houses, whereas houses 7 and 8 are considered the first of the “impersonal” houses. We internalize the experiences of the personal houses, whereas the impersonal houses are largely externalized.

Whichever house your Vertex lands in indicates the arenas of life where your destined meetings take place, while the sign tells you the themes of the connection.

🌟 VERTEX IN THE FIFTH HOUSE > Destined meetings and fateful encounters in our passion pursuits, where we go to play, in our friendships, or within the communities or causes connected to our fun (anti-vertex in the eleventh house).

🌟 VERTEX IN THE SIXTH HOUSE > Destined meetings and fateful encounters in our daily routines and work-a-day life, with coworkers, employees, the people we service, or in the divine relationship behind and connected to our work (anti-vertex in the twelfth house).

🌟 VERTEX IN THE SEVENTH HOUSE > Destined meetings and fateful encounters in the realm of one-on-one relationships, i.e. with clients, or with professionals specializing in interpersonal services, such as law or therapy, intended to assist our personal image or self-relationship (anti-vertex in the first house).

🌟 VERTEX IN THE EIGHTH HOUSE > Destined meetings and fateful encounters within committed, enmeshed, or sexual relationships, such as with business, investors, or potential marriage partners, or the relationships we form as a means of consolidating our wealth, skills, and security (anti-vertex in the second house).

✨ to round it out, here are a few summaries for vertex house placements…

“In the fifth/eleventh house axis, there could be a propensity to experience fateful romantic or creative encounters (fifth house) through contacts with friends or groups (eleventh house). In the sixth/twelfth house axis, the turning point, or spin out, could effect our day by day living, or our link between psyche and soma (sixth house) through contact with those in the helping professions, those less fortunate or through dreams and creative fantasies (twelfth house). In the seventh/first house axis, sudden epiphanies could radically effect socially significant partnerships (seventh house) through an experience of projecting ourselves out into the world (first house). In the the eighth/second house axis, destiny may arrive in the form of an erotic encounter or intense research (eighth house) perpetrated by a desire for pleasure, security or peace (second house).

The vertex/anti-vertex by sign can signify the way we may experience activation to this axis. Aries/Libra could indicate issues between personal will and sharing, where Taurus/Scorpio may be about security versus risk. Gemini/Sagittarius could contrast knowledge and vision, where Cancer/Capricorn could emphasize protection versus enterprise. The Leo/Aquarius axis might highlight self-expression as opposed to group participation where the Virgo/Pisces might compare structure boundaries to limitless longing.”

— Kim Falconer, Astrology and Aptitude: How to Become What you Are Meant to Be

🌟 WHAT ABOUT ASPECTS FROM MY OTHER PLANETS TO MY VERTEX? >

Aspects describe the relationships between planets, some being softer (sextiles, trines) than others (square, oppositions, conjunctions).

HINT > The elements (fire, earth, air, water) and modes (cardinal, fixed, mutable) represented by the zodiac signs can help you build a picture how how these relationships express themselves and interrelate.

✨ here’s a summary of what aspects to your vertex can mean…

🌟 CONJUNCTIONS TO THE VERTEX OPPOSE THE ANTI-VERTEX > These planets help reveal where you can balance what you have (or know, believe, or do… etc.) against what you are developing.

🌟 SEXTILES TO THE VERTEX ARE TRINES TO THE ANTI-VERTEX > These planets offer an opportunity to develop your higher qualities, while flexing your already developed qualities. The real question: how to work with both in tandem?

🌟 SQUARES TO THE VERTEX ALSO SQUARE THE ANTI-VERTEX > These planets impede your development and the “higher” qualities you draw on from the Anti-Vertex. Hella bothersome. From Siddhantika’s article about the Vertex: “If planets square the Vertex angle, then the development of this planet is crucial to whether or not  I become aware enough (and brave enough) to meet my fate.  For example, if Saturn is square my Vertex angle, then Saturn development would open the gateway for Vertex-inspired experiences.  The more Saturn develops and the more we learn to use it constructively, the greater the possibility of Vertex experience.  This could happen natally or it could happen through a contact with another whose Saturn squares my Vertex angle.  If another’s Saturn squares my Vertex, their planetary development will affect my spiritual development.”

🌟 TRINES TO THE VERTEX ARE SEXTILES TO THE ANTI-VERTEX > These planets help you ease towards your Vertex qualities, drawing from the Anti-Vertex qualities. We’re floating down a riverrr… to the Verrrtex… 🎶

🌟 OPPOSITIONS TO THE VERTEX CONJUNCT THE ANTI-VERTEX > Presents the path of least resistance, or confrontations with your Vertex development. Might present opportunity to size up your potential, or gauge where your “higher self” potential actually lies, or the flimsiness of your vision for it.

🌟 QUINCUNXES TO THE VERTEX ARE SEMI-SEXTILES TO THE ANTI-VERTEX > These planets present quirky derailments where you’re able to observe and develop (or kind of lean on) the qualities symbolizes by your Vertex. According to some liner notes in Donna Hensen’s example Vertex Report: “Quincunxes to the Vertex are also semi-sextiles to the Anit-Vertex. While you're fated to develop the sign of the Vertex, help from your Anti-Vertex is just beginning to develop giving you little help from previous development. This results in minor irritations that could eventually develop into big problems such as health or financial concerns. To handle this you have to adjust to the differences of the two signs.”

HINT > This CafeAstrology summarizes the Vertex in the signs, as well as aspects to the Vertex from the planets, and for more summary-descriptions of the Vertex in the signs, compare to this one from Siddhantika! ✨

For more insight into aspects in general, here’s that CafeAstrology article again (that I linked to earlier), to be compared to this one from Dark Star Astrology, and this one from Alice Sparkly Kat (very useful for analyzing all the aspects in your birth chart). ✨

ALSO, for insight into the elements + modes (super helpful for building an intuitive picture of how the themes and experiences of your planets are interrelating), check out this AstroStyle article, and compare to this one from CafeAstrology on the same topic*! ✨

(*Build that database, yo’!)

SO, FOR ME, POUR MOI… 💕

Having Chiron in close aspect (2°) of my Vertex entwines my soul-wound cycle and healing with my destiny process. Chiron is a comet-asteroid that orbits between Saturn and Uranus, and indicates our “soul-wound” on our natal chart (read more about natal Chiron here ✨).

STRAIGHT UP, THO…

…in general, Chiron and the Eighth House are tricky to characterize. Both deal with carnal issues, situations dealing with deficiencies / gains, merging / un-merging, and evolved / evolving understandings of personal value and resource. 

Having Chiron nearby my Vertex suggests that any and all Vertex activations will entail the similar ripping and flooding experiences that characterize our “soul-wounding” (uh oh).

“Chiron is the essence of pragmatism, of gaining a palpable or ‘hands on’ awareness of ourselves so that we can metamorphose into something entirely new. This Chirotic form of transmutation is so systemic, the change so complete, the experience so intense, that most people forget it happened to them within hours. Often it can only be recognized by its effects, such as a sudden new vision, a complete path alteration in life, a feeling of being reborn.”

— Barbara Hand Clow, Chiron

GENERALLY, when Chiron gets transited (and it’s not along our Chiron Cycle, when our specific soul-wound gets re-triggered ❤️‍🩹⚡️), the transit coincides with events promoting some kind of re-education about what we might bring and use to transform a situation, based on our personal wounding / healing experiences.

OR BASICALLY, VERTEX CONJUNCT CHIRON IN MY CHART… implies that my path to ascendency involves re-integrating (Gemini ♊️) my wounding / healing experiences, and being led through the visceral resource-and-value scarcity issues that created my soul-wound in the first place. 🙈

AND THE SAME FOR YOU, if you happen to have Chiron aspecting your Vertex! 🙌🏻

IF NOT, or if you have any other planets aspecting the Destiny Point in your chart, you’ll have to do a little Google-snooping to figure out how that might color your fateful meetings and encounters. 😊

HOW TO READ AND INTERPRET TRANSITS TO THE VERTEX

While your natal chart describes potential, transits to the Vertex coincide with actual fated encounters and interactions.

REMEMBER FROM THE INTRO, until activated, everything described in your natal chart is just potential.

Often, when any planet, angle, or point of our birth chart is transited, other people will act as avatars for the transiting planet. It’s as if the planets are acting through people, performing functions related to the planet, “causing” the impact those transits are supposed to have on our charts (learn more about planetary transits here ✨).

With the Vertex, the “avatars” will deliver a message (Mercury) or spotlight a virtue (Sun), dovetailing with what our Vertex describes we’re fated to develop (by sign, house, + other nearby planets).

NOTE > These fated encounters might only happen as interactions, and not develop into lasting relationships (such as romances or friendships), or might occur in already established ones.

In any case, you might as well keep top-of-mind any planet that’s transiting your Vertex sign! ✅

✨ to find out what’s transiting your vertex…

You’ll need to score a copy of a transit chart from the day you believe your Destiny Point got tripped, OR to find out if it’s being transited by another planet.

COUPLE OPTIONS…

🌟 This Astro-Seek calculator lets you calculate aspects formed to your Vertex by transiting planets: just enter your birth data, select a planet from the first drop down menu, a type of aspect* from the second, and “Vertex” from the third. Click “calculate”, and the next page will list the calendar dates when the planet you’ve selected has aspected your Vertex! 🤩

(*Conjunctions and squares to our Vertex are felt most, the most promising for growth. Sextiles might start or inspire something between the points, while trines facilitate and support the direction you’re moving in.)

🌟 This post can show you a full out tutorial for scoring and reading transit charts, but if you want to grab one real quick, hit up the Astro-Seek Transit Chart Calculator, enter your birth data, select a date*, then hit “calculate transits”.

(*It’ll automatically display today’s date. 💁🏻‍♀️)

NOTE > This is a different chart calculator than Astro.com, but still totally cool, and will automatically display the Vertex in your chart!

✨ when you have your transit chart…

Scan houses 5-8 for “VX”, and see if there any planets hovering nearby. Your planets will be blue and on the inside, while transiting planets will be in orange and outside the wheel.

HINT > Remember to peek at the opposite sign / house to see if anything is transiting your Anti-Vertex!

ALSO, remember that it’s not just the planet transiting your Vertex, but the configuration of planets that are also in transit, and how they’re impacting your chart.

So, note any other “exact” aspects being formed by other planets, which you can spot by clicking the gray tab located over the chart display labelled “Aspects Tables”, which grids out all the aspects for you. Notice which boxes have black lines around them, indicating “exact” aspects. ✅

✨ “what should I know about transits to my anti-vertex?…”

These are also significant, and tend to impact the area of our chart where we’re doing “prep work” or the “inside job” leading into our destiny process.

BUT JUST FYI, I can’t locate much literature about the effects of transits to the Anti-Vertex, but from my own inexpert transit tracking, transits to the Anti-Vertex seem to be a “peek-a-boo” opening, or insight into the destiny process…

…not really coinciding with destined moments. ❌

FOR INSTANCE, instead of a moment of clarity or hit of awareness (such as with a transit to the Vertex), the effect feels more… like… realizing the bath water has turned cold, or waking from a micro-nap, and now a different podcast episode is playing from the one you’d settled in to listen to…

…or basically, transits to the Anti-Vertex feel like something on the backend that needs adjusting or re-calibration* (IMHO). 👍🏻

(*NOTE: My Saturn almost conjuncts the Anti-Vertex of my chart, so, this is a hella biased appraisal. 😕🤷🏻‍♀️)

ANYWAY, let me provide some summaries for interpreting transits to the Vertex…

…and in the final section, I’ll focus on reading for the Vertex in a synastry chart (💞), which showcases what the Vertex does best. 😌

🌟 SUN-MOON TRANSITS TO THE VERTEX 🌻🌙 > Transits to the Vertex from the luminaries, the Moon and Sun, happen once a month and once a year. Some astrologers claim a Sun transit to your Vertex will coincide with “love at first sight”, but that might depend on other transits (maybe something also transiting your Venus, and Seventh House?). In any case, Sun-Moon transits to the Vertex seem to bring a burst of energy, or a gut-feeling, that furrow you along your destined path (as described by the Vertex placement). Obviously, these effects are amplified by a New or Full Moon. You’d probably feel thunderstruck by coinciding events if an eclipse strikes your Vertex, like literally, which is how EYE felt. This is because eclipses are essentially hyper-karmic New and Full Moon portals. (Read more about my Eclipse Moment here, and learn earn more about astrological eclipses over here. 🌀✨)

🌟 MERCURY-VENUS-MARS TRANSITS TO THE VERTEX 🧚🏻🌸🔥 > Transits to the Vertex from the swifter, “inner” planets (Mercury, Venus, Mars) might bring about actual people, “visitors” or avatars embodying the planet’s archetype: you might receive a special message (Mercury), gratification (Venus), or even a spark of rivalry (Mars), all of which would goad you towards Destiny’s Gate.

🌟 JUPITER-SATURN TRANSITS TO THE VERTEX 🕊🪐 > Transits to the Vertex from the Social Planets are much longer lasting, and more formative. Jupiter conjuncts your Vertex once every 12 years, and will shower blessings on your destiny process, perhaps in the form of a benefactor, patron, or mentor, or coincide with some kind of meaningful opportunity. Meanwhile, Saturn conjuncts your Vertex once every 30 years, coinciding with some tasks that will crystallize the themes and context of your destiny process, perhaps in the form of a authority figure, or just as likely a reconciling or clearing of old karma complicating your route to ascension.

🌟 URANUS-NEPTUNE-PLUTO TRANSITS TO THE VERTEX ⚡️🌊💀 > Transits to the Vertex from one of the heavies (Uranus, Neptune, Pluto) will coincide with social, spiritual, or existential crises. Uranus will bring eureka level flashes of genius, perhaps the arrival of a tool or invention that enables you in some way, while Neptune will bring spiritual awakening, and Pluto will bring a soul-wracking, inside-out descent into the deepest caverns of psyche.

NOTE > The Outer Planets move hellllla slow, and may not ever transit your Vertex (OR Anti-Vertex) in this lifetime, but if they do, the situations will feel far bigger than you or any other single individual…

…or basically, the “fateful encounters” will link you into a “meta” issue that is tied to you destiny process, which could be ideological (Uranus), spiritual (Neptune), or chthonic (Pluto).

Whichever Outer Planet is transiting your Vertex, just note that this drawn-out experience will bring perhaps cruel-bizarre synchronicities, and that the experience itself is informing your destiny process! ✌🏻

ULTIMATELY, the themes (sign) and experiences (house) you will likely have during a transit moment is determined by your Vertex placement, but note where the ruler of your Vertex sign is hanging out on your chart, because that’s the area that’ll get “reworked” by the Outer Planet’s influence!

HINT > Here again is that CafeAstrology article summarizing aspects from the planets to Vertex, as well as a list of which planet(s) rule which zodiac signs.

Oh, and you can learn more about the concept of “rulers” (a.k.a. dispositors) over here! ✨

HOW TO Interpret THE VERTEX IN a SYNASTRY Chart 💞

OKAY, SO…. relationship astrology is where the Destiny Point really gets to shine, and maybe because not many people are tracking their transits (despite my constant admonishing ❌).

Often, the Destiny Point is prominent in the synastry charts of significant relationships. These aren’t necessarily romantic, and can be represented in charts of siblings, mentors-pupils, besties, etc., any relationship that feels destined, or any relationship where the person enters our life through a twist of fate. 🌀

FOR THIS, we’re only locating and interpreting connections betwixt-between each other’s Vertex in a synastry chart, but the conditions of the Vertex in a composite chart* can also be insightful about a relationship.

(*Click that link to learn more, but I have a tutorial about getting and reading a composite chart coming out in a couple months, subscribe to find out when it goes live! ☺️)

FOR THIS DEMONSTRATION, I’ll be using the birth data of the barista I happened to be looking at when the Gemini Solar Eclipse struck my Vertex on June 10, 2021, based on birth data that I approximated based on his phenotype (Gemini Rising), age range (45-46 at the time), and other factors gathered from the Internet and while eavesdropping in the cafe where it happened (bc, I’m creepy 💁🏻‍♀️).

THIS IS NOT ADVISABLE ❌, not only because it’s essentially stalking with synastry (…and transit charts), but also because the birth data is only approximate, and you definitely want an accurate birth time for the Vertex placement that’s displayed to be exact. 👌🏻

If you don’t have accurate birth data… welp, be forewarned that you might get excited (or frustrated) by synastry connections that aren’t even real or true. 🤷🏻‍♀️

BUT WHO AM I TO DISCOURAGE YOU, even if you only have approximate birth data, let’s do this, because we’re all learning astrology, right? Let’s put off grad school forever… 💕

Anyway…

🌟 WHERE + HOW TO GET A FREE SYNASTRY CHART…

1. Go to Astro-Seek.com, and hover over Free Horoscopes on the left-hand side of the navigation, and select “Synastry, Composite, Davison.”

2. On the next page, from the list of hyperlinks that displayed, click “Synastry charts” at the top.

3. Type in your birth data: time, date, location. You are Partner A.

4. Type in another person’s birth data for Partner B.

5. Below that, click the light gray hyperlink labelled “Extended Settings” and check to display aspects for "Vertex.”

6. Click the blue rectangle labelled “calculate chart”.

7. Ta-da, you did it! 💫
   

🌟 HOW TO READ FOR THE DESTINY POINT IN A SYNASTRY CHART >

Okay—it might seem a teensy bit complicated, but only at first glance.

1. FIRST, identify which planets are whose. Partner A will be in blue (on the inside), and Partner B will be in orange (on the outside).

2. NEXT, locate the Ascendants. Partner A’s Ascendant will be on the left-hand side, where the Ascendant angle and First House are usually located on a chart. Scan the rest of the chart for the letters “ASC” to locate where Partner B’s Ascendant has landed. (For me, Partner B’s ASC lands in my Eighth House.)

3. FINALLY, locate the Destiny Points, which will be labelled as Vx, for Vertex. You will have to approximate the Anti-Vertex, by looking at the sign and house opposite the Vertex (to determine if there are any connections there as well).

REMEMBER, we’re only looking for contact from your Vertex to their chart, and vice versa. You can save the other connections for a deeper-dive later on (again, here’s my synastry tutorial when you’re ready ✨).

✨ FIRST, locate the Vertex in your own chart…

Locate your Vertex (which is in blue). Do you notice any orange planets, angles, or points nearby? List them one-by-one:

MY VERTEX ☌ (“conjunct” or side-by-side)
THEIR ASCENDANT IN GEMINI / MY EIGHTH HOUSE (their first house).

✨ NEXT, locate their Vertex (which is in orange)…

Do you notice any blue planets, angles, or points nearby? List them one-by-one:

THEIR VERTEX ☌ (“conjunct” or side-by-side)
MY ASCENDANT AND PLUTO IN SCORPIO / MY FIRST HOUSE (their sixth house).

HINT 1 > Measure the orb, or “span of degrees” between the Vertex, planets, angles, and any other objects involved. Degrees are represented by the little gray lines in between the darker black lines, inside the boxes displaying the zodiac symbols. Every black line denotes 5°.

Any objects within a 5° orb of either Vertex should be counted, they’re in the mix. ✅

HINT 2 > Click the hyperlink above the chart itself labelled “Aspect tables”, and scan the columns labelled “Vx”. Partner A’s planets + points will be displayed in the vertical column on the left-hand side, while Partner B’s planets + points will be displayed in the horizontal column across the top. These columns display the exact degree° of your Vertex placement (mine is @ 18° Gemini) along with glyphs symbolizing the aspects formed to your Vertex by Partner B’s planets.

🌟 FOR YOUR REFERENCE, this CafeAstrology article displays and explains all the aspects, while this one summarizes aspects to the Vertex from other planets.

✨ LAST, compare Vertex placements between charts…

Recall the theme (zodiac sign) and experiences (house placement) of your own Vertex, and evaluate the same for your synastry partner. Note any orange planets hovering by your synastry partner’s Vertex (also orange). These planets are part-in-parcel to their destiny process, as described by the sign and house placement on their chart.

FOR ME, ON MY CHART… the themes of my destiny process involve communication and a meeting of the minds (Vertex in Gemini ♊️), and ascendency into power and intimacy (my eighth house).

AND IF YOU RECALL, my Chiron (❤️‍🩹) forms a 2° conjunct to my Vertex, both of which are crowding my synastry partner’s Ascendant.

FOR HIM, THE ECLIPSE BARISTA’S CHART… the themes of his destiny process involves intimacy + intensity (Vertex in Scorpio ♏️), but ascending into a vitality-driven work-life rhythm (his sixth house).

ALSO, the Eclipse Barista has Uranus (⚡️) within a 5° orb of his Vertex, both of which are crowding around my Ascendant…

…which means we share a “double whammy” between our Destiny Points + Ascendants!

My Vertex conjuncts the barista’s Ascendant, and his Vertex conjuncts mine, with my Chiron and his Uranus mixed in.

BECAUSE THE BARISTA AND I SHARE A DOUBLE-WHAMMY OF OUR VERTEX - ASCENDANTS IN OUR SYNASTRY CHART…

…the “fated interaction” might be… if looking dead-on at each other during a “cosmic trigger moment” (the June 10, ‘21 Gemini Solar Eclipse, perhaps 🤔), whereupon either of our Vertex or Ascendants were struck…

…we’d be furrowed into some version of our separate destiny processes.

Or basically, the “fated interaction” and pivotal moment would have been a super-subliminal catalyzing experience, something meant to shock and awaken us to the dormant skills and abilities underlying my Vertex placement.

And with my Chiron so close at hand (❤️‍🩹), wounding and healing would striate my destiny process, which I suppose ultimately happened (which you can read about at the bottom of my post about Black Moon Lilith in synastry ✨).

“In the Ascendant conjunct Vertex relationship, the two partners work as catalysts for each other’s true potential, wishes, dreams and desires. One of the truly beautiful and admirable things about this relationship is that each partner knows just how to encourage the other person in order to get them to deliver their best, express their deepest truths, and not least own who they truly are and what they truly want in this life. Here are two partners who truly see each other – and inspire and encourage each other to reveal themselves to the rest of the world, too.”

— Access New Age, “Vertex Conjunct Ascendant Synastry”

✨ what if not my vertex, but a different planet, asteroid or point connects to my synastry partner’s vertex…?

THIS IS TRICKY TO FIND! 😫

Planet aspects to the Vertex don’t seem to be felt or used much in compatibility analysis, but can explain the types of energy or function that one person provides the other.

This might even explain how one person can feel as though the other person contributes something meaningful to their life, even if the relationship itself is not very easy, or doesn’t have a purpose or function outside of this contribution. 🤷🏻‍♀️

REMEMBER, the Vertex in synastry might illustrate a gravitational pull, or feeling that this person is important to where you’re heading in your life…

…but doesn’t necessarily mean that your destined paths will align…

…only that you are engaging in a fated interaction. 🌀

“It is important to note that when romantic partners have conjunctions between one person’s Vertex and the other person’s personal planets (and/or going both ways), it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is a blissful, “happily ever after” one. That is hardly the case. However, it does suggest a powerful connection.”

— CafeAstrology, “Vertex”

If you notice one of your planets forms an aspect to another person’s Vertex, it might indicate your relationship is fateful for that person, and that your planet (or angle, whatever) plays into what that person is trying to develop in their destiny process.

What is the meaning, or significance, of the planet or angle from your synastry partner’s chart connecting with your Vertex? What does that planet (or object) signify in your their chart?

AS A REFRESHER, this Labyrinthos article explains the energy, archetypes, and symbolism of all the planets, which you can compare to these explainers from Astro.com! ✨

✨ what about synastry contacts to my anti-vertex (or vice versa)?

WELP, it sounds like synastry contacts to the Anti-Vertex are almost like a “shadow connection”, the way that we tend to project planets in our Seventh House onto others.

“The anti-Vertex allows us to process our divinity through the vehicle of ‘other’–when other’s planets fall on our anti-Vertex, we reveal ourselves through the ‘not I.’ Often, anti-Vertex contacts involve commitment and sacrifice beyond the call of duty, and we usually don’t mind fulfilling those commitments because we feel the divine pulse of our own spirit gradually unveiling in our actions.”

— The Inner Wheel, “The Vertex versus the Nodes, Pt. I”

If someone else’s planet(s) or angle connects with your Anti-Vertex, dig into the symbolism of the connecting planet, and try to evaluate the function of the connection. Compare to your true life experience of the relationship, and what it feels like and means to you.

Does there seem to be a commitment or sacrifice in that kind of relationship?

Does it feel like that person grounds your destiny process in a meaningful way (maybe like a tradeoff)?

ALSO, do you have any planets already conjunct your Anti-Vertex, such as I? 💕

Tho, from the research, it sounds like any planet connections to our Vertex - Anti-Vertex axis are ultimately beneficial, but I would add that, like most of our birth chart, it takes time and experience to tap into the benefits.

AND BE CAREFUL, because you might invest in the energy or function symbolized by that planet into someone else who’s activated your Vertex. 😳😬

what you might want to consider wHEN interpreting the role of the vertex (a.k.a. fateful encounters or destined meetings) in your synastry… 

• TIMING ⏱ > When did the relationship or interaction start? Did you record the original meeting date in a journal or an agenda? What was the vibe? Who were you with, what was the context? What were the circumstances and vibe of the next interaction?

• FIRST IMPRESSIONS 👀 > What were the circumstances of your first meeting? What was the vibe of your interaction? How did those impressions evolve over time, and due to what circumstances or events?

• INFLUENCE 🪄 > How would you articulate or describe the role or influence you each play in other’s goals, ambitions, or sense of purpose? Especially note if “purpose” or “fate” have a presence in your relationship. Like—has the other person ever described to you what they feel destined for? Do they know what you feel destined for? Have you both ever discussed what you individually believe you’re fated for, and what you individually believe the other person contributes to that fate? (…Or are you just #NetflixandChilling away your time together…?)

If you happen to have all this info, your Vertex connections in your synastry chart might be able to explain the start, consummation, or special advancement in your relationship! 

…but, I know, you’d have to just be the kind of person who documents such things.

If nothing else, maybe the info gathered from your Vertex placements helps you remember or feel back into those initial meetings…

…or maybe even help validate an intuition, some “woo" inkling you felt, about that person or your interactions! 🤯🤩

✨ but shouldn’t fate imply the capacity for some kind of significant bond with my synastry partner…? 🤨😓

While the lore hints that Vertex connections might indicate a metaphysical bond between people…

…the “purpose” of the Vertex connection / fated encounter is to goad us towards destiny, in whatever way described by the connection.

Or basically, aspects between your Vertex and theirs speaks only to interactions… not to the relationship itself.

There are so many other factors to look for in a synastry chart in terms of compatibility (see my synastry post ✨), and a composite chart is where you would look for the “meaning” of a relationship….

But the Vertex is specifically about your destiny process. ⚡️🌀

If you share Vertex connections with someone else, it only indicates that you’re co-engineering your destinies,

…or, at the very least, influencing each other’s destiny process…

…but ultimately, the destiny process itself is an inside job, something you’ll pack up and take with you when you go.

And how wonderful we have these sorts of synchronicities to spurn us onward (yay)!

Tips for Hazarding A Vertex Activation… 🌀⚡️

(…And WHAT I THINK HAPPENED WHEN MY VERTEX WAS ACTIVATED BY THE JUNE 2021 GEMINI SOLAR ECLIPSE)

TO CATCH YOU UP… on June 10, 2021, a Solar Eclipse tripped my Vertex-Chiron, I think at the exact moment I was looking into a barista’s eyes. 👁⚡️

As he called out my drink order, our eyes connected, and I saw a steely-blue flash of light. Two flashes, actually, starting in both eyes as metallic enzo-shaped swirls, which ballooned, then condensed and solidified into metallic glowing orbs, before finally flashing out…

I zombie-grabbed my mocha-drink-latte-thing, then scuttled back to my SUV, and went where I go for hope: astrology newsletters. 💡

I had seen the warnings about eclipse season— “check yo’ planets, check yo’ Nodes”—but I literally forgot about my Vertex-Chiron. Both the Vertex and Chiron are special bodies selected from a separate menu in the Astro.com chart generator, which is where I was casting the majority of charts at the time (now I use Astro-Seek).

So, in some versions of my birth chart, Gemini (where the eclipse was striking) is empty. 🤷🏻‍♀️

AND, TBH… I was not so far along in my astrology self-study that I actually understood horoscopes and blog posts regarding about eclipses. 😳

Like—when astrologers joke about people taking cover on eclipse days, I thought it was the same as when they’re like, “Ruh-roh, Mercury’s about to Retrograde!” (( said in a Scooby-Doo voice for some reason ))

Not actually like, “FATE. IS. HAPPENING…. Hide somewhere chill!” 😱✌🏻

Within a day or so of seeing the blue light, the barista started acting weird at me, and I believe triangulating me against one of the coworkers he’s been having an affair with. I’m guessing this based on (1) that coworker’s reproachful attitude towards me of late, and (2) because she showed me her natal chart hella days ago in connection to a break-up with her boyfriend/roommate, whereupon I guessed an unwise casual coupling would ensue (not out loud 🤐) largely due to codependency markers in her chart, and the fact that she does work with a janky perv (the barista ✨), though I did not anticipate the coinciding impact of the eclipse 🌗, my seeing the blue flash in the barista’s eyes, or him suddenly dressing like my ex-husband / Art Alexakis and instructing the other baby-baristas to spy and notify him of my cafe solicitations…

…but does that mean he also saw a blue flash in my eyes or is he just responding to my weird vibes and trying to shake off his clingy workplace-lover, AND I’M BASICALLY STALKING EVERYONE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD WITH ASTROLOGY, hi, I’m Plutonian. 👻

EVENTUALLY, AFTER TEN MONTHS OF TRYING TO START A CONVERSATION ABOUT ECLIPSES WITH HIM… the barista (that fucking cunt 🔥), announced he wouldn’t serve me anymore (again, the full scoop is at the bottom of my Lilith-in-synastry tutorial, with the calendar date and exact time, if you want to peek at the transit chart 🤓)…

…which worked out okay, I guess, since another cafe opened up in town anyway, and I Iearned about eclipses and the Destiny Point in astrology. 🎉

OKAY, THAT’S THE JIST OF IT, NOW HERE’S WHAT I THINK HAPPENED…

REMINDER > The 2021 Gemini Solar Eclipse occurred at 19° Gemini, in a 2-3° orb of my Vertex-Chiron (rad). ♊️✨

Based on the barista’s (hypothetical) birth chart, that same eclipse might have struck within 5° of his Ascendant (positioned @ 14° Gemini… hypothetically 👌🏻).

REPEATING THIS FOR YOUR ASTROLOGICAL EFFICACY…

The Ascendant angle is the “starting line” of our chart, and demarcates the beginning of the First House of Identity, Appearance, and Persona. Planets very close-by our ASC (or even placed in our First House) can influence our phenotype: the tighter the orb to our ASC, the more dramatic the influence… particularly in our eyes. 👁

PERHAPS… when the eclipse tripped my Vertex-Chiron (⚡️❤️‍🩹), it also struck the barista’s Ascendant (👁), and my visual hallucination was some kind of projection or psychic insight into his own coinciding transits… 🤔

…his Vertex hadn’t been activated though, just mine. 😒

SO, we will never know what he saw on that particular eclipse day (if anything), how it registered (if at all), or its consequences.

I mean—I can hazard guesses (based on intel learned about his life while eavesdropping), but we never had a direct conversation. Any opportunity to have had such a conversation seemed thwarted by his anxiety and angst, which never mixed well with my daily mood instability and tendency to derail small talk with polemic and absurd declarations (“Well, rapists are always circumcised, so…” 🤦🏻‍♀️).

Or maybe he liked my weird attention, but thought I’d eat his heart and steal his dog (not unlikely), so he needed to create a very confusing moving boundary to keep my attention (without yielding to its weirdness)…

…and, eventually, the ambiguity and ambivalence of our interactions just got too stressful. 🥵

In any case, I super-appreciate all the spooky-cute coincidences* that happened while I was in the cafe trying to extract data…

(*ONE MAJ’ COINCIDENCE… The Vertex / Anti-Vertex comprise the Ascension Axis of our chart, right… and the cafe where mine got eclipse-tripped was called “Ascendo”! 🤯🤭)

…and the barista’s hypothetical birth chart did serve as a useful proxy for deep-learning transit and relationship astrology (always a great career and relationship move 👍🏻).

“Often, Vertex contacts come into our lives, deliver their message, and then disappear just as quickly as they came, leaving us altered in a profound way, but a bit shattered. Can’t get more Uranian than that–Uranus of the higher mind, beyond mere mortality/physicality. The lover or friend who comes ‘out of the blue’ and happens to put us on our path, who helps us know who are we when we are not our earth-created ego, we when we are not our ‘stuff.’”

— The Inner Wheel, “Soul Points in Synastry: The Vertex Versus the Nodes, Part Two”

ALSO, this is crucial… not everyone wants or cares about synchronicity, about woo things that happen in coincidence with astronomical phenomena that we might be able to interpret via metaphor, analogy, and symbolism (a.k.a. astrology).

I mean—is telling a stranger they were part of a a visual hallucination you experienced during an eclipse similar to telling them about your dreams last night, or what a pop song means to you?

“Uhhh… eclipses, ya… cool, dude… thx for letting me know.” 🙄😏

NO, nope, that would have been too weird and cruel to endure…

…especially in light of all the other disillusionment I’d been feeling around that time. ❌

I’d rather crop the experience up to a “fateful encounter” just meant for me, that’s it.

“We can’t figure out the ‘why’ of a Vertex contact, it just is–and usually the sense of ‘fate’ comes from the fact that something or someone is provided just at the point it is most needed; whether or not we ever knew that we needed it before. In an odd way, the Vertex acts as a secret and sacred ‘helping hand.’”

— The Inner Wheel, “Soul Points in Synastry: The Vertex Versus the Nodes, Part Two”

✨ do all vertex activations play out this way, tho?

Nooo, probably not…

..but they do in many cases, according to most Vertex lore I’ve found. 🤷🏻‍♀️

“However, not all Vertex connections are meant to last. Some can go on for years, others can literally come and go in a matter of minutes. The arrival and departure of the planetary person connecting to the Vertex only stays present until the the completion of the ‘Turning point’. If the romantic partner has a vertex conjunction to their lover, a karmic relationship is indicated between the two - terms such as ‘fated’ is deemed quite appropriate for these relationships. One must be conscious and understanding of how long the relationship is supposed to last.”

— Tumblr, EllieMaeAstrology, “The Vertex: My Wish Come True”

Remember that Vertex activations specialize in fated encounters, so for me, the encounter was supposed to be a learning process (Vertex in Gemini ♊️) and rinse-down of my intimacy issues (Vertex in the Eighth House).

FOR SOME PEOPLE, the activation could involve people they’re already in relationship with, for which the turning point would occur, and then they’d move along their destiny process, with no real impact to the culture and integrity of their relationship.

BUT, IF YOUR VERTEX ACTIVATION ALSO DRAGGED YOU INTO AN AMBIGUOUS-FEELING SITUATION, here’s a caution… 🚩✨

When the Vertex is activated, it’s like getting a charge, a thunderbolt to your psyche. ⚡️

You might walk around carrying the charge, but it needs to be grounded….

…and it wants to be grounded in your destiny process. 🌀

THUS, a Vertex activation delivers on its symbolic promise (to instigate a change in consciousness) as long as the charge it creates gets grounded into a situation that serves your ultimate ascent (as described by your Vertex placement). ⚡️⚡️⚡️

Unless you can see that “relationship” is an important story line in your Vertex placement, or in your birth chart in general, you might be projecting the “destiny inspo” away from yourself, which might be what I did with my fateful encounter with the barista.

SO, try inventorying the other transits in place at the time of your activation, and getting super acquainted with the story lines in your birth chart. ✅

✨ do we only get the one shot, or can the vertex be activated more than once…?

Your Vertex can definitely be activated more than once! 😅

My Vertex has been eclipse-tripped before, by the Gemini Solar Eclipse in June 2011, when I consummated a relationship with my coworker*, who eventually fathered my children and became my husband (not in that order 💃🏻).

(*Who was also a barista, is this my pattern?? 😨)

Anyway, you can use this Astro-Seek calculator to find out when, how, + what has transited your Vertex in the past, and then decide in those calendar dates listed correlate with any meaningful dates in your personal story!

TO USE IT, plug in your birth data, and select any planet from the dropdown menu labelled “Transit”. Start with “conjunction” under the “Aspect” menu, but you can play around with different aspects. Finally, from the third menu labelled “Natal”, select “Vertex”.

You can also choose whether to see transits or transits and progressions! 🤩🥰

Obviously, this might get time consuming, especially if you focus on transits from the Sun, Moon, and other swift-transiting planets, but it might still yield fascinating insight!

IF YOU’RE CURIOUS ABOUT ECLIPSES SPECIFICALLY… use this Astro-Seek calculator, which shows you a 5-year time span for when, where, + what eclipses have struck (or are due to strike) in your birth chart!

Just enter your birth data, and select a starting year from the dropdown menu, your current location (or the location of where you were when you believe an eclipse struck your chart), then the type of aspect you’re interested in (focus on conjunctions, squares, and oppositions).

On the next page, you’ll see a display showing where all the eclipses in a 5-year timeframe had struck your chart!

Peek at your Vertex placement (the chart won’t display it, so locate it by sign and degree°), and see if eclipses have ever factored into your destiny process! 🧚🏻✨

AND TAKE HEART, because the Vertex is an ongoing process, just like the rest of your chart! 💗

Okay—So, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IF MY VERTEX IS ACTIVATED…?

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🌟 FIRST, DETERMINE THE SOURCE AND TYPE OF ACTIVATION.

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Was it a transit? If so, there was probably a correlating encounter or event. Inventory everything about that day, or the few days around that time. What did you do, who were you with, what was on your mind, on your heart…?

Also, check your progressions. Is there a planet conjunct or square your Vertex? When did that happen*? Where is that same planet currently transiting you? Is it also forming an aspect to your Vertex?

If so, there would be a change in tempo. You might have a feeling that something is happening, something significant, though there hasn’t been any event or encounter (yet).

(*Most planets take a year to progress 1°, including your Sun, while the Moon progresses 1° per month.)

Also also, check the synastry. Find some non-creepy way to score birth data for any new players on the scene, especially if spooky-cute coincidences are occurring while in their midst.

If you do have significant Vertex connections in your synastry (like I did with the eclipse barista, mebbe, if the birth chart is accurate), that might explain how that person was highlighted in your fated encounter!

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🌟 SECOND, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

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Without documentation (via compulsive journaling and solipsistic quasi-literary projects such as this, hi, hello 👋🏻), it’s very difficult to match up circumstances and events to your transit-trigger moments!

And once you confirm that this is a Vertex activation, run a little recon. Do you keep a scheduler? Write in a diary? What were your social media posts? What text messages did you send? What does your friend remember you texting her on the trigger day?

If that Astro-Seek calculator can yield specific dates when your Vertex has been activated before, get your hands on those artifacts, diaries, mixtapes, and photo albums STAT.

Just find a way to gain as much scope and leverage of your psyche as you can. ✌🏻

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🌟THIRD, BE ADVISED: THE “WATCHER” HAS COME ONLINE.

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Idk who the watcher is (our Higher Self…? or original soul…? 🤔), but it miiight sort of feel like… you have a parallel processor… somewhere in your psyche…

…it’s like when you can feel someone watching you, except that their perspective is also part of you.

Oracle card I pulled when meditating on my Vertex moment! 😳🤯🤭

“The point of all Vertex contacts is to reveal ourselves from a perspective that is higher and deeper than ordinary conscious awareness. In a way, the Vertex is beyond the Nodes, which are all about the development of consciousness. The Vertex unveils the ‘Watcher’ in us. The one who knows. The one who is beyond the conscious Self.”

— The InnerWheel, “Soul Points in Synastry: The Vertex Versus the Nodes, Pt. 1”

SO… maybe the Watcher really is some primordial, “original self”, the piece most interested in what we make of our existence, and how we manage to fulfill our wishes and longings with the events, circumstances, and people available to us?

As your own analysis may have shown, your Vertex placement is not particularly rife with information. Your Vertex won’t tell you much about yourself, except maybe hint at some of your secret hopes and intentions….

…but, even then, it’s super vague. 😩😒

The essence of the Destiny Point is that it validates synchronicity, and by keeping it in mind with certain seasons and interactions, knowing about our Vertex can help us learn via synchronicity what is meant for us, and the events and avatars that will aid our destiny process.

ESSENTIALLY, the Vertex is epiphanous, or revelatory. It doesn’t promise anything, except a turning point, or an oncoming transfiguration of our consciousness.

…which is why i should probably mention a roman myth attributed to the vertex, the story of vertumnus, the god of the seasonal change, and his obsession with pomona, the goddess of ripe timing… 🌱⏱

Vertumnus was a lesser deity of the seasons, known for his ability to transform: he could change from a seed, to a root, to a trunk, a branch, a leaf, and finally, to fruit.

Vertumnus used this power in pursuit of Pomona, goddess of fruit, of fruition, and ripening. 🍎

However, the story goes that Pomona was super into her independence, not interested in dating, so to get his fix, Vertumnus had to to change his form every day while passing Pomona’s garden, transforming into a warrior, then a farmer, then a sea merchant, on and on…

…until one day, Vertumnus transformed into a little old lady, then walked into the garden and right up to Pomona, kissed her (😘), and started chatting her up about that way cool fellow, Vertumnus. 😌

Pomona still wasn’t persuaded by this chitchat.

Not until, suddenly, Vertumnus changed into his true form.

In that moment, for the first time, Pomona saw him for what he was (not a farmer, or a fisherman…), and fell in love. 😍

“Finally in exasperation, Vertumnus dropped his disguise and stood naked before Pomona in his true form. She thought she was seeing the sun emerge from behind the clouds and in the glorious light of Vertumnus, she opened her heart and reciprocated his love. Together still, they attend the gardens and fruit trees of the countryside.

The theme of this myth centers on a seemingly chance moment where an outstanding event occurs.

To Pomona, it was like an epiphany, a sudden turn of fate, a radical awakening of perception. ✨✨✨

To Vertumnus, it was at first a well planned strategy, then finally an act of spontaneous desperation. Imagine his surprise when Pomona finally received him!”

— Astrology Study, “Destiny’s Gate or Vertex, the Electric Axis”

What’s useful about this story is how changeability entwines with the ripe moment.

Eventually, our moment does arrive, and our masquerade is not what compels its arrival.

Instead, it’s all the little circumstances and events, the tiny synchronicities leading up to the fateful moment that changes everything.

To everything turn turn turn…
there is a season turn turn turn…
…and a tiiime for evvvery purpose under heaven… 💗🎶

MORE LEARNING RESOURCES FOR THE DESTINY POINT IN ASTROLOGY… 🤓

🌟 If you don’t feel like reading a chart (😵‍💫), you can find out your Destiny Point placement with the CafeAstrology Vertex calculator! ✨

🌟 VERTEX IN THE SIGNS ♈️♉️♊️…⚡️> To augment my (amateur) summaries above, also check out… this CafeAstrology summarizes the Vertex in the signs (as well as aspects to the Vertex from the planets), and compare to this one from Siddhantika! ✨

🌟 VERTEX IN THE HOUSES… there’s less info about this, and even some terribly wrong info (hint: if summaries include Vertex in the 1st-4th Houses, it’s garbage 😡), and the best intel I found was via Kim Falconer’s Astrology and Aptitude, which also has the full scratch on the Vertex, and every-which-way you can interpret it in the natal chart. 👍🏻

🌟 WHAT ABOUT TRACKING TRANSITS TO THE VERTEX? ⏱ > Memorize the sign and degree° number of your Vertex placement, and use this Astro-Seek calculator to calendar when (+ what) is due to conjunct your Destiny Point! (Do the same for the sign and degree of your Anti-Vertex too!)

🌟 WHAT ABOUT PLANETS CONJUNCT THE VERTEX IN SYNASTRY? > This is tricky to find for the Vertex in particular, but you can look up what the planets in synastry mean in general. This Labyrinthos article explains all the planets, which you can compare to this one from Astro.com! ✨

🌟 WAIT, HOW IS THE VERTEX THE SAME / DIFFERENT FROM THE LUNAR NODES IN SYNASTRY? 🐉⚡️> Check out this article from Dawn Bodrogi! 🕊🙏🏻

🌟 FOR DEEP-LEARNING ABOUT THE VERTEX IN SYNASTRY + TRANSITS > Check out “The Vertex in Synastry and Transits” Part 1 + Part 2. Those articles will help you begin to start picking apart how / where your Vertex interacts with each other’s, especially if there are other planets, asteroids, or angles involved. 🦋

🌟 Also, how does the Vertex factor into a composite chart? (HINT: The Vertex placement in a composite chart can also indicate a super fated relationship, learn more here! 🤩🥰)

🌟 THIS KINDA FASCINATES ME, BECAUSE MY MOM’S TWO MARRIAGES WERE WITH PEOPLE WHO HAD THE SAME BIRTHDAY, BUT DIFFERENT YEARS > “Every now and again, I speak with people who have had two (and sometimes more) ‘significant others’ with the same birth date, but different years. This means that the people they were partnering with had roughly the same degree and sign of the Sun. With the exception of one whose birth time is uncertain, each of these people were meeting more than one significant other whose Sun was conjunct their natal Vertex.” UPDATE: I DID THE CHARTS, IT CHECKS OUT, WTF FOREVER!! 🤯🤯🤯

🌟 APPARENTLY, THE VERTEX CAN ALSO BE ACTIVATED BY RELOCATION > “A location is considered strong if you have one natal planet rising and another on the MC -- add another

on the Vertex – that spot is even more important.”

🌟 “DESTINED MEETINGS” AND LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT STORIES… this might be random, but I thought of it while researching the Vertex: When Brené Brown interviewed Drs. John and Julie Gottman (psychologists who’ve written hella books on marriage and relationships), she asked them, how’d you meet? And Julie Gottman’s description of their first meeting (at the Pony Espresso cafe 😂) totally freaking sounds like a Vertex activation moment! Hear it in the first 10-15 mins of the interview… and if you know of any other stories that sound like the Destiny Point plays a role, hmu! 🤙🏻

🌟 And to get the full scoop on when my Vertex was activated by an eclipse (😌), check out this post, as well as towards the bottom of this post (where the person in my “fated encounter” acted like a butthead, and I realized I have Black Moon Lilith squaring my Lunar Nodes! 🤦🏻‍♀️)

if you also have any stories related to eclipses, synastry, or the destiny point in your own chart…

…you should definitely drop them into a Voice Memo or essay to be emailed off to me, so that we might share some kind of intimate catharsis about spooky, transcendental moments that only beloveds of the Moirai and fictional characters in Alice Hoffman novels could possibly understand. ☺️

and in the meantime, i’ll leave you with this quote, to deepen your wonder + marveling about your own strange, scary-fated moments…

“The past was what we carried with us, threaded to the future, and we decided whether to keep it close or let it go.

Fate was both what we were given and what we made for ourselves.”

—Alice Hoffman, Here On Earth (omg 🌹)

…and so you don’t forget what we’re all about here 👁🌟…

“The stars are reflected from within the black water in the cistern. I find comfort in the omen I glean from this:

light in the darkness,

truth when it seems there is none. ”

—Alice Hoffman, The Dovekeepers (🤭)

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How to Find + Interpret Black Moon Lilith in Synastry 🐍💞

In a natal chart, Black Moon Lilith symbolizes our Lunar Dark Side, our regretted desires, where we are repressed, and where we tend to take personal liberty at others’ expense.

“Lilith is a dark place in our charts, and to know where that darkness comes from is as important as knowing where it can take us—and how, and when. First, the sign in which Lilith appears will determine how Lilith energy is expressed. The house is where it will manifest itself. The aspects, which must be very small (a 1 or 2 degree orb only), will show what planets are involved in our Lilith drama.”

— Llewellyn Journal, “What Does Lilith Mean in Astrology?”

in a synastry chart (comparing two natal charts for relationship potential 💕✨), contact between liliths might explain an inappropriate or “doomed” attraction or you feel towards someone...

Sometimes a Lilith attraction is about who we want, or how we want them—it might be attraction to a type of person (gender, culture, status, et. al.) we don’t usually go for, or a type of sex we feel ashamed for wanting, or straight-up fascination with someone in possession of what we deny within ourselves.

This person usually embodies or represents what we associate as a “bad stroke” in a tender place juuust out of reach…

…but presented with other ingredients, elements, or factors (symbolized by our Lilith-synastry person ✨), in such a way that we become curious about the area that’s being stroked.

Basically, a Lilith-driven relationship compels us to breech and explore our own taboo. 👻

“Lilith in synastry generally speaking produces a very powerful seductive lure between the two but there can also an erratic or rebellious quality to it. Most commonly seen when the two are not evolved in their Lilith, they experience a battle of wills or power struggles.

Although, this adds to the passion it is also pulling [sic] at the very seat of your souls and can eventually bring out deep resentments. Though ultimately, the highly sexually charged dynamics in the relationship will open your eyes to the ramifications of issues of control, selfishness, or lack of self control, or a need to have your way and their toxicity to any relationship.”

— Illume Astrology, “Lilith in Synastry”

Aside from helping us becoming aware of her in the first place, Lilith placement might hint at kinks we weren’t even aware we had, that can’t be worked out in ordinary relationships. Her energy can only be examined and explored within intimacy, sometimes sexual intimacy, but also emotional, or logistical.

lilith in synastry shows us where another person can help us learn about this murky terrain, and ultimately help soothe our lunar dark side… 👻🌙

• We’ve put in the effort of learning about our own repressed lunar dark side, and…

• We find someone whose own chart (+ Lilith) complements our Lilith journey. ✨

Lilith-based attractions and relationships point out the taboo or “disapproved of” energy that you might explore in proximity / relationship with the other person.

And from a “personal growth” standpoint, if you were planning a self-transformation project, a Black Moon Lilith taboo might help you recover disapproved of urges, longings, and needing.

With awareness of what’s happening (whether via transit or a Lilith-charged interaction), you might harness the energy, trace the subtleties in your body, fantasy, or personality back to their origin, and heal the shame and indignation.

this tutorial will show you where to get a synastry chart showing black moon lilith, and also how to read that chart for the taboo stimulated by that relationship 🐍💕>

I’ll point you everywhere you can go to track where and how Lilith is stalking your relationships, as well as give a guided demonstration of where a synastry partner’s Black Moon Lilith helped me uncover uncomfortable truths about my own Lilith (😳), and finally, supply you with tips from astrologers on how to manage a Lilith-driven attraction or relationship so that you might finally identify the lies bounding up your true instincts, and clear out your emotional history…

…without everything getting too weird. 💁🏻‍♀️☺️

HOW TO GET A SYNASTRY CHART SHOWING BLACK MOON LILITH 🐍💞 >

I actually have a tutorial explaining where + how to get a synastry chart✨, but these instructions will show you how to get TWO natal charts, PLUS a synastry chart combining them.

I'm doing this so you can get the full "Lilith story" in each birth chart, before reading for Lilith's role in your synastry. 👍🏻

🌟 how to get free natal + synastry charts from astro seek…

1. Visit Astro-Seek.com, and hover your cursor over “Free Horoscopes”, and from the dropdown menu, select “Birth Natal Chart Calculator”

2. Enter your birth data into the next page (you’ll need birth date, time, and location)

3. Click the gray hyperlink labeled “Extended Selections”, and check the box next to “Lilith.” 

4. Once the chart is displayed, take a screenshot, or otherwise save the image, then click on the tab labelled “Aspect Table”, and take a screenshot of this as well ✅✅

5. Do the same for your synastry partner: pull up their natal chart, take a screenshot of both the chart and the aspect table ✅✅

6. Now, HEAD BACK TO THE ASTRO SEEK HOMEPAGE ✨, select “Synastry, Composite, Davison” from the dropdown menu under “Free Horoscopes”, then click the hyperlink labelled “synastry” from the list.

7. Take a screenshot of the chart itself, as well as the aspect table.

altogether, you should end up with three charts…

• Your birth chart,

• Your crush’s birth chart, and

• Your synastry chart, combining your birth charts ✨

...Plus three aspect tables for each chart. 🥵😊

🌟 HINT 1 > You might want to print all these charts off onto scratch paper, so you can highlight and annotate the Lilith placements in each natal chart, plus the Lilith connections in your synastry. You might want to start with fully delineating each chart on its own before honing in on the Lilith story. Revisit my natal chart tutorial for pointers, and when you’re ready to focus in, visit my tutorial on natal Black Moon Lilith. ✨

🌟 HINT 2 > Spend a moment getting oriented to the synastry chart. Partner A will be blue, while Partner B will be orange. Look for major themes and interactions between ALL THE PLANETS, especially the ones most important in relationship (sun, moon, venus, mars, plus the angles). Friendly aspects amongst your “personal” planets in the synastry chart would also indicate actual relationship potential, as in, friendship, affinity, and affection (and tend to mitigate any tension created by disharmonious aspects from Lilith). If all the commotion stresses you out, revisit my synastry tutorial ✨, and try delineating the whole chart before honing in on the Lilith story. ✌🏻

HEY, BTW… Snaps to you if you’ve made it this far, especially if you’ve actually casted these charts! 🙌🏻✨

If you have, you must be taking your astrology extracurricular super seriously, and I think that’s very cool, so please email me if you get stuck and need more hints! 👍🏻💫

I’m gonna link you to all the articles you might need to get a full picture of Black Moon Lilith, plus give you a true-life example of what I was able to learn about the “Lilith story” in my own chart by inventorying the Lilith story in a synastry chart with someone else. 😳🤦🏻‍♀️

First, I’m gonna explain a little more about reading for Black Moon Lilith in astrology, particularly the kind of vibe she carries, and what makes her so elusive (and volatile) in a chart.

HOW TO READ FOR LILITH IN a SYNASTRY Chart 🐍💕

OKAY SO, there isn’t a ton of free intel available for interpreting Black Moon Lilith in synastry, and what you might find (via search engines and Tumblr witches) tends to interpret Lilith as a conflation of Venus and Mars. 😬❌

Venus and Mars are “personal” planets, correlating with our personal attraction (Venus 🌸) and prey drive (Mars 🔥). We tend to feel any contact to our Venus / Mars, whether in synastry, transits, or progressions.

In a synastry chart, connections between-amongst Mars / Venus indicate chemistry. Venus / Mars also tend to personalize the bigger, “meta” planets, especially Jupiter, Saturn, and the Outer Planets (Uranus, Neptune, Pluto). By personalize, I mean that Venus / Mars can make the higher, harder-to-articulate electro-magnetic frequencies from those planets perceptible and easier to integrate.

(…though any contact from the Outer Planets tends to feel super-amped up anyway. 😵‍💫)

Contact to Venus, for example, tends to feel good. We like those connections, even in “challenging” aspects, which can feel like a shiatsu massage. Contacts to Mars tend to turn us on, rev us up, translate into urges and precedence for satisfaction. 😉☺️

Obviously, your level of enjoyment with Venus / Mars synastry connections depends foremost on the condition of your Venus and Mars. If either natal Venus or Mars are fielding static, synastry connections from someone else’s chart might dial up the static…

…or, you know, ultimately soothe and smooth it out. ☺️☺️☺️

lilith, however…. is our lunar dark side. in our charts, she represents pure, child-like instinct… not motivated by pleasure or prizes (such as venus / mars), but by unmet need.

🌟SIMILAR TO VENUS 🌸 > Lilith can be comely, but not necessarily attractive. She doesn’t rely on the law of attraction (LOA), but baits, reels, and uses force of personality to get the attention she craves. She doesn’t care about appearing cute or likable (not unless in aspect to Venus). If passed over or met with boundaries, she seethes, alienates, and withdraws.

🌟 SIMILAR TO MARS 🔥 > Lilith is compelled by satisfaction and winning out, but is not necessarily reward-driven. She tends to rebel against her own cause, or abandons pursuit as soon as one of her pain-points are pressed. She’s not sexually motivated, not unless sex is her proving grounds. If disallowed from expressing aggression or competitiveness, Lilith sulks, throws passive-aggressive barbs, and tries to bait a reaction.

Black Moon Lilith shows where we’re motivated… by validation. Lilith is the amalgamation of all our unnamed, difficult to parse out primordial urges, which tend to be tabooed.

Once tabooed, these instincts slip into a blind spot of our psyche, and we’re literally ignorant of when our Lilith is being deployed. 👻🐍

Obviously, these instincts are very subjective and personal, and also commingled with shame and blame, which is why they tend to operate in our peripheral, or askance of our awareness.

unlike a connection to our Venus or Mars, a synastry connection to our Lilith feels charged, as though someone were holding a lit match an inch away from a part of our body that’s under local anesthesia.

This is how we can become fascinated with someone with whom we have zero chemistry. We crave certain kinds of attention or acknowledgement for which we have no basis to expect.

This is why Lilith can feel erotic, but also, utterly displeasing.

although lilith might feel very intimate (like a venus / mars connection), she’s more like an outer planet: unpredictable, and dramatic. 

Outer Planets are “meta” forces, crisis detonators. We don’t own them, or understand them, until they’ve worked their effect. 😖🙈

like Uranus, Lilith follows her own rules. Similar to Neptune, she prefers murky (or re-imagined) boundaries. She manipulates, much like Pluto, her motives not wholly intelligible even to herself.

“To put her in perspective Lilith is similar to a combination of Pluto and Uranus energy. A combination of the darker qualities of Pluto, Demanding, Unruly, Strong Sexual needs and desires, unique different or bizarre interest in sex, nymphomaniac, strong independent streak, a heart breaker. However, there are two sides to every aspect, placement, planet, asteroid of what not. Much of this truly depends on how well, the individual responds to the energy. ”

— Illume Astrology, “Lilith in Synastry”

Having Pluto or Uranus prominent in your chart (conjunct an angle or your Sun / Moon, for example) might make you naturally more at ease with the rawness, intensity, and ambiguity of someone else’s Lilith.

Someone with a prominent Lilith (conjunct her Ascendent, Sun, or Moon in their own chart), also might be more comfortable with Lilith contacts, as well. 👌🏻

(To help you noodle it out, this article about the Outer Planets in synastry might be useful. 👍🏻)

Remember, to understand each chart’s threshold for Lilith-type shenanigans, you’ll have to read for Lilith in each chart separately, which I’ll walk you through below (and also demo’d in this post ✨).

In any chart (natal, transit, progressions, synastry), we tend to feel aspects made to our personal planets, a.k.a. the faster-orbiting “inner” planets, Mercury, Venus, and Mars. Harmonious contacts from Lilith to any of these would make it easier to value the experience from our interactions with Lilith-person.

Harmonious aspects from Lilith to either the Sun or Moon (our “lights”) would make our relationship with Lilith-person really compelling, maybe even enlightening. We would internalize our interactions with Lilith-person, and that can have a transformational effect.

Harmonious aspects from Lilith to Jupiter or Saturn involve a sort of public element, and can involve benefits or consequences lasting much long than even the relationship. Jupiter and Saturn are the social planets, and Lilith contact to either might invoke a bit of role-playing, or perversion of the status or authority.

Add one of the Outer Planets (Uranus, Neptune, Pluto), and you’ve got a peak or almost spiritual experience. Something that feels beyond you, and might create a sort of existential crisis, or reframing. You might not feel or predict what that might be unless there are contacts to the personal planets, too.

So, go light on trying to romanticize or sexualize Lilith contacts in your charts. Unless forming harmonious aspects to either Mars or Venus or even Mercury (with perhaps a sextile from Neptune thrown in ✨), Lilith isn’t there to realize your fantasies or boost your self-esteem.

She’s the dirty talk that debases you, the lie about birth control, the claim she could see herself marrying you before kicking you out of the car and leaving your ass on the side of the road. 🏃🏻‍♀️

ANNND… she can also be the alchemical agent that helps you change, inside-out. 

okay, i’ll show you the process of delineating your synastry chart (featuring black moon lilith 🐍), and link you where you can go for more intel to pad out your interpretations! 🙌🏻✨

I’ll also give you a true life example of how reading for Lilith in a synastry chart helped me understand as much about taboo, fascination, and ultimately, boundary-setting. 🐍✨

🌟 NOTE > I know, there are a lot of charts to flip through! It’s worth it tho, I swear—you’re becoming smarter / weirder, it’s great!!

What we’re aiming for here is to find the story, or for understanding Black Moon Lilith as a character in a drama. She’s a character in your own drama (your natal chart ✨) and in your (perhaps imaginary or hypothetical) relationship.

🌟 FIRST, LOOK AT “LILITH’S STORY” IN EACH NATAL CHART—SEPARATELY.

In all chart comparison (whether transits, progressions, or synastry), you have to start with the natal chart. Natal charts outline the potential, as well as our personal threshold for certain dynamics.

Like—for one chart-holder, Lilith might be a particularly scary placement, where adding someone else’s Lilith vibes into the mix feels like bad luck, a scary lure, or darkness falling… 🤢❌

…but for the other chart-holder, Lilith might feel like an easy icebreaker, fast affinity, or a scratch to her itch. 😉

FIRST, PLACE BOTH NATAL CHARTS IN FRONT OF YOU, THEN LOOK FOR BLACK MOON LILITH’S SYMBOL… A cross topped with a crescent moon. Circle up any planets, angles, or other points sharing the same zodiac sign and house. Also peek at the sign / house opposite Black Moon Lilith. Get a lay of the land, then start honing in.

🌟 start by inventorying natal black moon lilith by sign (in both charts)…

My Black Moon Lilith 🐍✨

Lilith’s zodiac sign tells you a little about her manipulative tendencies. Lilith expresses herself through the “shadow qualities” of the sign. This is how she’s behaving in each chart (though the chart holder may be aware of her machinations).

🌟 LILITH IN THE AIR SIGNS (Libra, Aquarius, Gemini ♎️♒️♊️ 🪶) > Lilith in an Air sign builds fast friendship and affinity through rapport, appealing to others’ sense of grace, or contorting the truth for relatability. She might rope others into a grand scheme, then turn a cold shoulder. She might say one thing (the nice thing she should say), then do the opposite. Airy Lilith often alienates through rule-mongering and should-isms, or uses her social advantage to annex contrarians. Prone to inventing rationalizations for discrediting perceived enemies. Others might feel they have to choose their words carefully, and that they can’t entirely trust the people Lilith brings ‘round. Twisted logic and fibbing abounds.

🌟 LILITH IN THE WATER SIGNS (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces ♋️♏️♓️💧) > Lilith in a Water sign bonds with others almost on sight, proclaiming new friends to be soul-mates and one-of-the-family, and by revealing secrets or relaying intense personal stories. She’s prone to taking emotional hostages, fabricating us against the world scenarios, threatening her own life if the bond should break. Might accuse others in her crosshairs as being “un-woke”, or emotionally vampiric while indulging in fits of inappropriate catharsis (laughing at a funeral, weeping on a first date). Needy, wants to be babied, desperately seeking a soothsayer.

🌟 LILITH IN THE FIRE SIGNS (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius ♈️♌️♐️🔥) > Lilith in a Fire sign treats relationships, work, or life in general as her proving grounds. Firey Lilith warps collaborations into contests of will, building camaraderie through teasing (if not harassment), and reiterates where she and others rank (on anything, everything). She vies for kudos and a starring role, then skips out on the awards ceremony and bails on opening night. Abandons apprenticeships, invents unnecessary rivalries, and often casts herself in the role of someone’s secret bully.

🌟 LILITH IN AN EARTH SIGNS (Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo ♑️♉️♍️🌿) > Lilith in an Earth sign can be insatiable, critical of others’ self-indulgence (if not materialism in general), and obsessed with quality, excellence, and perfection. She can be repressed about her own need for pleasure and simple luxury, or prone to lording such over others. Earthy Lilith can be resentful of having mundane responsibilities, or over-controlling of minutiae. Pie-in-the-sky ambitions, and a penchant for Machiavellianism.

🌟 NOTE > these are the same descriptions that are in my How to Find + Interpret Natal Lilith post. 🐍✨

REMEMBER, Lilith is our lunar dark side. We’re not wholly aware of how she perverts the qualities and characteristics of her sign. Through time, we learn her triggers (our triggers), and the types of people who tend to draw her out into the open.

Over time, you might even be able to spot archetypes (in the form of real-life humans) representing the qualities of the planets close-aspecting your natal Lilith. 😳🤯

In fact, synastry studies will help you figure out and learn to intuit the personality types that will bring her to the fore, and even begin to hazard for those awkward moments when you feel yourself lapsing into your Lilith defense mechanisms.

Compare the above descriptions of Lilith in the elements with other descriptions. Here’s the Hoodwitch’s erotic(ish) guide to Lilith in the signs, as well as Plutonic Desire’s guide to Lilith in the signs, and finally, CafeAstrology’s compassionate summaries to Lilith’s “binge + purge” cycle in the signs / houses. 🐍💫

🌟 next, inventory natal black moon lilith by house (in both charts)…

My synastry partner’s Black Moon Lilith 🐍✨

Once you have inventoried her shadow side through your Lilith sign, look into her house. Houses represent our "fields of experience.” Lilith in the Houses points to the arena in which Lilith acts out, or has acted out, or becomes repressed.

🌟 Houses 1 - 6 are the personal houses, and correlate with our interior experiences. We internalize these energies (planets) and themes (signs). We relate and interpret these energies through our identity (first house) or personal rhythm (sixth house).

🌟 Houses 7 - 12 are the interpersonal houses, and correlate with experiences we have with others, either communally (eleventh house) or by reputation (tenth house). The interpersonal houses are separated from the personal houses by the horizon line running across the center of the chart (the Ascendent - Descendent axis).

Remember, the house describes where in the house party Lilith is hanging out. She might be full-out and mingling with the rest of the gathering (Lilith in the interpersonal houses), or withdrawn into one of the rooms, trying to have her own experience (Lilith in the personal houses).

When we actually combine both natal charts (next step ✨), your Lilith will probably show up in a totally different house on the other person’s chart. In your chart, Lilith might have seemed like your best-kept secret, but gets drawn out into the open when overlaying someone else’s chart.

Check out the Lilith in the Houses articles on Advanced Astrology, as well as Jupiter Jewel’s guide to Lilith in the signs + houses, to compare to Tom Jacobs’ interpretations and this Synni Signs article on the same. 🐍💫

🌟 finally, read for the aspects between black moon lilith and other natal planets…

See those red and blue lines crossing the center of the chart? Those illustrate the aspects (or “relationships”) between-amongst the planets, whether harmonious (sextiles, trines) or agitating (square, oppositions, sometimes conjunctions).

With plenty of harmonious contacts (sextiles, trines), you can find charged-up affinity through a Lilith connection, but challenging aspects (squares, oppositions, conjunctions) can draw out her sabotaging tendencies. ✅

WANT TO SEE ALL ASPECTS TO LILITH GRIDDED OUT FOR YOU? > If you’re on the Astro Seek calculator’s display page, just click on the tab labelled “Aspect Table” to see all your synastry aspects “spelled out” in astrological annotation.

CONTINGENT WITH THAT, you might want to get familiar with the symbols and nature of each aspect (conjunctions, sextiles, squares, trines, + oppositions). This article also talks about aspects (including a great analogy for applying them, basically that aspects describe how planets see each other in a chart 🤯), and this one explains aspects to Black Moon Lilith specifically. 💫

How those aspect-relationships play out depends on the signs and houses involved, plus the alchemical reaction between Lilith and the planet (or point) she’s aspecting.

Refer to the row extending to the left of the Black Moon Lilith’s symbol. Trace each aspect symbol back to the planet that Lilith is in aspect to.

🌟 pro tip: imagine each natal chart as a house party, with lilith and all the other planets as attendees…

Her house tells you what room she’s hangin’ in, and her sign telling you how she’s behaving. Obviously, natal planets sharing the same sign + house would be part of her alchemy, the energy of those planets influencing her expression (like any other kind of social alchemy).

Lilith’s aspects to other planets in other houses hints about her reputation with those other planets: an opposition to a prominent Venus might suggest that Lilith showed up uninvited, and is now hiding out in a room where the hostess won’t notice she’s slipped in and gettin’ high with your Mercury or Eros asteroid. 😉

Once you understand how Lilith functions in the overall dynamic of your chart, you’ll have an idea of how she’ll operate in the synastry. ✅

NOW THAT YOU KNOW THE “LILITH STORY” IN EACH NATAL CHART, PULL UP YOUR SYNASTRY CHART 💞✨

My synastry partner’s Black Moon Lilith in my chart 🐍✨

In synastry, we combine two natal charts by overlaying and lining them up by signs.

Keeping with our metaphor, this is similar to combining two different house parties, and will almost certainly change up the dynamics, and where / how Lilith expresses herself.

Sometimes, your synastry with someone might make your Lilith more overt or covert. Combining your natal chart with someone else’s might place your Lilith in an angular house on the other person’s chart (giving her more oomph than she has in your own chart), or vice versa. Their chart might place your Lilith in a house governing rather mundane activities versus in a house promoting sexy, wily exploits. Her dynamics with other planets might get stronger or more volatile, or she might seem to disappear from the scene altogether.

SIMILARLY, your Lilith might submerge or amplify other planets in the other person’s chart.

In the above image, my Lilith is in my Ninth House, a “public” house, and draws out my synastry partner’s heavy-hearted Saturn out into the open, which is usually buried in his second house (along with all the insecurities that tend to correlate with having Saturn in your “worthiness” sector 🙋🏻‍♀️😬).

Erstwhile, when our charts combine, my synastry partner’s super-public Tenth House Lilith is sublimated into my Fourth House, side-by-side my close-to-heart Mercury (below image).

My Black Moon Lilith in my synastry partner’s chart 🐍✨

Notice how—in the earlier image—the other chart-holder's Lilith is close-by his MC (a.k.a. the Midheaven, or highest point of our chart)…?

...but in MY chart, his Lilith flipflops, and is hovering beside my IC (a.k.a. the Nadir, or root of the chart)?

In effect, based on our combined charts, this would take my synastry partner’s Lilith--a conspicuous, attendee of the house party represented in his natal chart ✨--and plunge her into the emotional basement of MY house party.

Instead of grandstanding in the kitchen or rec room, vying for attention from the most VIP party guest (typical for natal Lilith conjunct Sun [in a wiiiide orb] 🙄), his Lilith is telling deep secrets to my Mercury, who was probably hiding, just trying to vape and scroll through his phone in a mildewy basement closet…

…until the parties combined, and Lilith stumbled in. ✨

Do you remember that Jimmy Eat World music video about the house party where everyone was stripping down to their underwear, and the two shy, clumsy teenagers wind up in the same closet trying to awkwardly get undressed without anyone watching, and then they look up and notice each other doing the same thing, and realize they were who they were meant to meet at this thing, so they get dressed and leave together? 🥰

Here's the video, enjoy! 💕

Anyway, spend a few minutes really feeling out where and how both Liliths are showing up in the house party represented by your synastry chart. Note any aspects made to Lilith from your personal planets (the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars): these planets will make Lilith more of a felt presence in the party scene.

And the type of aspect describes whether it feels curious or, you know, aggressive. 👹

REMEMBER, whether your synastry partner welcomes your Lilith in this space depends on that person’s comfort level with taboo (👻), and how predominantly this house features in your overall synastry.

Don’t worry, I’ll explain more about that further down. 👍🏻

BUT FIRST, I'm gonna walk you through analyzing Lilith's aspects to the other planets in your synastry, starting with the Sun and Moon, then go through the rest of the planets, building off of what I described in the introduction to interpreting Lilith, so that you can better track how the taboo is stalking your synastry.

🌟 Your Astro Mami’s Tumblr page has a great summaries of Lilith in the Houses (synastry overlay), which you can combine with the more technical 12andUs page on the same thing.

🌟 Also, remember to analyze your whole synastry chart, not just for Lilith!

🌟 For more (including links and tips for integrating your Lilith), revisit my post: How to Find (+ What to Do) About Black Moon Lilith (Hint: Stop Mean-Girl'ing Your Taboo 🐍). ✨

NOW, DRILL DOWN ON BLACK MOON LILITH IN THE SYNASTRY CHART… ✨

…LOOK FOR CONTACT BETWEEN BLACK MOON LILITH AND YOUR SUN + MOON 🌻🌙

The Sun and Moon are the “lights” of our charts, the lights of our consciousness. Our Sun shines, and any contact from another planet becomes part of its shine. Our Moon reflects the conditions of our Sun, and absorbs input from any other planets forming an aspect to it.

Lilith contact to either the Sun or Moon indicate an often inside-out transformative experience or relationship. Pairing Lilith with either of these lights would add a sudden undertow to the interaction. This instant-intimate feeling can inspire curiosity or hesitance from the Sun / Moon - person.

🌟 sun - lilith synastry 🌻🐍

Our Sun is where we're most vital. Our Sun is our most dominant "light", and does nothing else but emanate. Our Sun is the light source of our consciousness, hued by transiting planets and synastry connections. We "self-actualize" not according to our instincts, but according to the opportunities and relationships that our Sun can most and best relate with.

“These people are usually drawn to each other the same way the night and sunset meet each other. They are attracted to each other the same way a moth is attracted to a flame. They can be positive or good for each other even though they have negatives.”

—Cosmic Deity, "Lilith in Synastry”

Depending on aspects, this relationship can feel like something vital and sacred is at stake. Lilith - person can become infatuated with the Sun person, which can translate into either resenting the Sun - person, or longing after their approval.

With easy aspects between the Sun and Lilith (trine, sextile), Lilith might energize you. You’d feel shiny around them. When something fabulous happens, your first thought would be notifying the Lilith - person.

With hard aspects between the Sun and Lilith (square, opposition, sometimes conjunction), Lilith might not act erotic or infatuated, but instead think Sun - person is self-aggrandizing, or harboring an inferiority complex. Lilith might feel the need to undermine the Sun person, trying to displace the Sun person’s influence by asserting her own identity, needs, or preferences. As the Sun - person, you’d feel uncomfortable in your own skin around Lilith - person.

As a result, Lilith-person might tease or needle you, or just avoid being in the same space as the Sun-person. 🐍🌻

Basically, when someone else’s Lilith aspects our Sun, it’s like stepping into the shade: it either feels like a relief from the heat and glare of our own presence, or like having our vitality siphoned off.

🌟 moon - lilith synastry 🌙🐍

Our Moon is where we’re softest. Our Moon absorbs and internalizes the subtlest conditions of a transit or synastry connection. Because there’s so many subtleties, we might not get the satisfaction of combing out, naming, and categorizing all those details. We just unconsciously metabolize them.

With easy aspects between the Moon and Lilith (trine, sextile), Lilith might draw out your sympathy. You’d feel inclined to caretake Lilith in the style of your Moon sign. If you hear bad news on the radio, she’d be who you’d call to check in on.

With hard aspects between the Moon and Lilith (square, opposition, sometimes conjunction), it’d almost be too much to bear, like having no outer wear, and stuck wearing wet socks, waiting for a storm to pass.

But that storm just like LINGERS, man 👻

“With the Lilith conjunct moon synastry placement, the Lilith person often triggers the moon person’s emotional wounds. The moon person is attracted to the Lilith person but can quickly feel afraid or unsafe... Mainly, this placement is almost guaranteed to bring up issues with the mother figure. These issues typically come up for the moon individual as they “relive” their mother trauma with the Lilith individual, although the opposite is possible as well.”

— Tea and Rosemary, “Black Moon Aspects in Synastry” 

Even without knowing the astrology, this relationship would run deep. Lilith is internalized, becoming a character or feature in the Moon’s inner world, while Lilith feels herself attuned to the moods and needs of the Moon.

Depending on the aspect, this could annoy Lilith: she might vie for freedom from the Moon’s vortex of need and fixation, or she might find herself fixated on influencing the Moon’s moods.

Remember, Lilith connections can feel like Uranus or Pluto synastry connections: manipulative, experimental, like… a piece of you has been stripped buck-naked and flung into the snow. 💀⚡️

This is why, if your Moon conjuncts your synastry partner’s Lilith, the Lilith-person might not act erotic or sympathetic towards you, but instead think you’re “over-sensitive”, and reinforce their boundaries (probably in a way that really hurts Moon-person’s feelings). 🐍🌙

Q. who feels the connection—the lilith or the planet person? 🤔

Lilith-person feels the planet-person in an all-over, but difficult to pinpoint way, whereas the planet person notices (and is more aware of) Lilith’s effect on them (and others in their shared context).

Although many younger astrologers (with blogs, anyway) describe a Lilith - Sun / Moon connection as sexy, I’ve noticed (and have heard from more seasoned astrologers), that planet-person will often interpret Lilith-person as naive, obnoxious, uncouth, or just extra. 😳

…that doesn’t mean they judge Lilith-person harshly. Planet-person might be Lilith-person’s #1 defender in the friend group, hang-out scene, work place, whatever the context. Planet-person is just tuned into Lilith-person, and might understand Lilith-person’s vulnerability in the situation.

Unless the behavior reflects a super taboo for them, the Sun person might find this person sort of endearing, as Lilith’s behavior is innate for them, easy to understand and relate with.

Also, in a Lilith-planet synastry connection, Lilith-person might not be so compelled, but frustrated by the planet-person, by their pervasive-but-difficult-to-place planet energy. Our Lilith placement represents a blind spot, a zone that we tend to dissociate from. Sometimes a synastry connection to our Lilith can feel like someone pressing on a bruise, or like… being cuddled when you’re under general anesthesia….

…that’s the eroticism of a Lilith - planet connection. ✨

Whatever the aspect, we feel Lilith-person, and they feel us, though neither might be able to find the right words to describe it…

…and because it’s Lilith, we tend to default to our animal instincts. 🐿

Whether we’re comfortable expressing those instincts depends on how well we accept our natal Black Moon Lilith, and how secure we feel unwrapping or playing with that taboo.

FOR EXAMPLE ✨, I share a Sun - Lilith conjunction with two different friends: Sun - Lilith in Aries with one friend, and Sun - Lilith in Cancer with the other.

These are two people who haven’t met, who I chill with in totally different contexts, and who have fairly dissimilar personalities (one = Libra Sun / Sagittarius Rising, the other = Cancer Sun / Gemini Rising).

In one friendship, I am the Sun-person (♈️). My Sun is exact-conjunct her Lilith, or basically, my personality is in her blind spot. I have the sense that I understand Lilith person better than she understands me, and I can tell from her sustained eye contact that she is fascinated and frustrated by her attraction to me. In our interactions, I can feel her trying to track me, probing me for clues, like a puppy trying to shake a treat out of a Kong.

Like… she is literally confounded and annoyed by my personality, but it doesn’t stop her from showing up at my house or calling me on a near daily basis. 💁🏻‍♀️

Because our Sun - Lilith connection is in Aries (🔥), our interactions revolve around playful rivalry. I just did this… Look at this thing I drew… Shut up and let me tell you what happened…

In the other friendship, I am the Lilith - person (♋️). I feel soft jealousy over the Sun-person. I’m also compelled to drop in on him at home or work to request hugs, and to chitchat about our days. I have a story to tell you… What’d you do about that thing…? How do you feel about…?

Sun-person actually points things out to me that I’m not noticing, but once observed, I realize had been happening all the while. You seem very sensitive about this, let’s change the subject… Don’t apologize anymore, you do that a lot… You don’t need to worry, I’ll look into it…

As the Lilith-person in this dynamic, I’ll often feels waves of embarrassment without any obvious cause. That scene in Talladega Nights, when Will Ferrell's character is being interviewed on camera for the first time, and his hands are hovering by his ears, and he keeps sputtering, "I’m not sure what to do with my hands... what do I do with my hands...??” (Here’s the scene. ✨)

With my Black Moon Lilith in Cancer, revealing my true feelings can make me feel overexposed and vulnerable… like I’m doing something bad… 😵‍💫

…to which my interaction with the Sun - person can sometimes have a relaxing, soothing effect…

…but also triggers all defense mechanisms, such as changing my routines to avoid him, “forgetting” our plans, or inviting other people to our hang-outs.

(…am I basically co-regulating with this person…? 🤔)

TO ME, based on these two friendships, a Sun-Lilith connection feels like being 7 years old with your new best friend, or like reuniting with a favorite cousin or childhood bestie. It’s easy friendship, full of unstated feeling and implied loyalties. You feel understood and accepted without having to explain yourself… as if this other person already knows (or recognizes) and accepts your faults.

I feel commingled security and disturbance from the Sun in Cancer friendship (his Sun ☌ my Lilith ♋️), and blended ease and antagonism from the Lilith in Aries friendship (my Sun ☌ her Lilith ♈️).

For both, our hang out sessions eventually drop from locked-eyes and buzzy excitement to sudden impatience and annoyed-exhaustion… usually from the Lilith-person.

and what kind of transformation or relationship experience can we expect from a sun-moon-lilith synastry connection?

Or basically, what skanky-dark stuff about yourself might come to light when someone’s Lilith aspects your Sun or Moon? 🤔😳

This is known as one of the most transformative Lilith connections, but the transformation depends on each person’s personal journey of accepting and integrating Lilith.

With Lilith in aspect to either light (Sun or Moon), you can expect a tugging towards one another, but also, radically disparate principles. Lilith person might feel totally captivated by the Sun or Moon person, who feels similar fascination with Lilith, but also antagonizes them with the shadow qualities of their shared zodiac sign (scroll up for summaries of Black Moon Lilith in the signs ✨).

For my synastry examples, there’s implicit and intense sense of belonging (♋️) and loyal rivalry (♈️), but without the sense that we’re performing for the relationship. We don’t have defined roles and don’t follow our normal rules for interactions. We feel comfortable acting and speaking from instinct.

And that is so freeing, right? 🥰

In these two friendships, we are at liberty to be ourselves… even if only with each other. 😮‍💨😊💞

BUT… because we’re grown-ups (🤢), this freedom might be what unravels or challenge the friendship. That instant simpatico of a Sun - Lilith synastry connection becomes complicated by the unmet needs and validation-seeking innate to our Lilith placement.

Eventually, I’m going to hold the hug a touch too long for Sun-in-Cancer person, and he’ll have to draw a boundary… ❌

(…he’ll be like, “Dude, wait, I have a gf…” to which I’ll respond, “She can’t be my gf too?” 🥺)

…and at some point, I expect Lilith-in-Aries person to storm my boundaries. ❌

Once it happens, it will stress the interaction, and require the Lilith person to claim behavior(s) they might have been relying on the Sun person to continue indulging.

Ultimately, there will be a reprising of our roles with each other, with new rules of engagement, and a new awareness about how we show up in the relationship.

And this might be super beneficial, not just for our private interactions, but for how the Lilith - person can perceive and take ownership of their behavior…

…and so much better that the experience is happening with someone we trust and knows is sympathetic to our faults, versus being called out on our Lilith tendencies by an authority figure, a customer at work, a friend’s new girlfriend, or any kind of person who we don’t share that kind of bond with.

REMEMBER, aspects will describe whether Lilith’s vibes are friendly or hostile, but the willingness to be in relationship depends on each person’s maturity and comfort-levels with taboo. 👻

NEXT, CONSIDER ASPECTS BETWEEN LILITH, VENUS, AND MARS, PLUS MERCURY (A.K.A. THE “PERSONAL” PLANETS). 🌸🔥🧚🏻‍♂️

Venus / Mars are not “lights”, but more like instincts or drives. We attract via Venus, and assert via Mars. 🌸🔥

In a natal chart, Venus and Mars indicate the dynamics, themes, and arenas of desire and attraction. Venus and Mars are also the main ingredients in chemistry. You and your besties probably have synastry connections between each others’ Venus and Mars. Harmonious aspects to-and-between Venus show where we feel mutual appreciation, while harmonious aspects to Mars show where we excite each other (sextiles, trines).

With challenging aspects, we might have dissimilar love languages, or rely on the friction in our interactions to evaluate ourselves (squares, oppositions).

Add Lilith to Venus or Mars, and it can make your interactions lit as hell, or smoke out all your insecurities. 🔥

“If someone has a natal planet conjunct your Black Moon Lilith or vice versa, particularly a personal planet (the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, or Mars), and this is a romantic relationship, this can generate some major heat, an intense, emotional, and passionate connection. But it can also bring out a lot of struggles for power, issues of domination and control (though I suppose great if this is a BDSM relationship!). If that can be controlled, it can be a transformative kind of relationship, one that could empower both of you.”

— Dark Pixie Astrology, “Black Moon Lilith + Love Astrology"

🌟 venus - lilith synastry 🐍🌸

“Lilith conjunct Venus tends to be sexual and intense almost all of the time. The Venus human will want to show off her romantic side. This is usually soft and cuddly. They would love to shower Lilith with love, attention, and affection. Lilith person would enjoy this affection for sure. However, they do not want to let themselves go. They do not want to get vulnerable and soft.”

— Cosmic Deity, “Lilith in Synastry”

Venus spotlights the dynamics, themes, and arenas where our self-worthiness and feelings of attractiveness play out in our chart. Venus cultivates what she wants and prefers. In response, Lilith will either want to be groomed by her (such as with a trine aspect), or prove herself out (such as with a square aspect).

NOTE > Conjunctions (side-by-side aspects ☌) can be both harmonious and contentious. In conjunction, Lilith and Venus are stifling-close, which sometimes forces catharsis or confrontation to happen faster, and continuously, if the relationship survives.

Also, Venus doesn’t act. She’s not an actor or agent in our chart. Even in an Air Sign, she doesn’t strategize. In an Earth sign, she doesn’t work.

Wherever Taurus and Libra fall on your natal chart (ruled by Venus) reveal where the seduction and power struggles between Lilith and Venus might spill over, and how any planets caught within might show up as archetypes in the true-life drama.

In the end, Venus’s sense of worthiness will get redressed or re-activated by Lilith. Once activated, Venus - person might be able to better understand and even mitigate Lilith person’s aggression or awkwardness.

🌟 mars - lilith synastry 🐍🔥

Mars spotlights the dynamics, themes, and arenas where we let our prey drive rip. Mars represents our takedown force, our hot button, and how we move upon the world.

In general, Mars - Lilith could indicate perfect lust (👌🏻), or a dynamic characterized by aggro lashing out.

Depending on the aspect, Lilith - person can be thirsty for (trine) or repulsed by (opposition) Mars - person. 

🌟 HINT > Lilith’s zodiac sign hints at Lilith’s preferred mode and method for taking power, whether she wants the upper hand (fire sign 🔥), or prefers acquiescence (water sign 💧).

OF COURSE, Lilith contact to either Venus or Mars can inspire fascination, but eventually, the tension will start to strain. 🥵

At some point down the line, if you’re unable to work out the fascination or tension in an appropriate, consensual fashion, Lilith will basically chicken-fight Venus / Mars. 

And although Lilith will certain cause some damage, whether it’s a physical blow (🔥) or a blow to one’s self-esteem (🌸), she’ll also do her trademark vanishing act.

This vanishment is innate to our Black Moon Lilith—it’s her default coping mechanism, a way of staving off the embarrassment or guilt of deploying behaviors or qualities that were tabooed, for which her synastry connection to Mars or Venus compels out into the open.

“There can also be a binging and purging cycle involved with the traits of Lilith’s sign or house wherein we overdo or go all out, expressing these traits in extreme, then feel bad for doing so. This leads to a purging stage in which we reject or deprive ourselves of the traits. Eventually, the need for them is strong and we go to extremes again, perpetuating this self-destructive cycle. [...]”

Everyone has this trigger, and usually other people are more aware of it than us. We can become self-aware of through time (when inventorying a certain pattern of consequences), or through relationship: by sharing Lilith in synastry with others who can safely draw her out and indicate what she’s up to.

“To work through this, we need to learn to accept these traits in ourselves and express them in ways that we’ve transformed or made to fit our lives without fear or guilt. We may have too-high expectations of ourselves in these areas, and we can convince ourselves we don’t care. It’s difficult to go there since fear and shame can be mixed in, but it’s also empowering.”

— CafeAstrology.com, “Black Moon Lilith in the Natal Chart: Signs and Houses”

It might also take some time to notice Lilith cropping up in our relationships (especially if you don’t have the other person’s birth data 😉)…

Almost exactly like Pluto, Lilith to Venus or Mars requires some kind of eventual catharsis, or tension-breaker. If not via orgasm, then through a confrontation or ultimatum that defines and defends the planet-person’s boundaries.

With Lilith connections to either Venus or Mars, there might not be a reward in terms of personal transformation (such as with Lilith to the Sun or Moon 🌻🌙), but there might be an evolved awareness of our “triggers” and compulsions in interactions.

🌟 mercury - lilith in synastry 🐍🧚🏻‍♂️

In a natal chart, Mercury represents our integrator, our ability to connect the dots, and follow the lead. Mercury rules wherever the signs Gemini and Virgo land on your chart, as well as the Third House of Primary Thought, Interconnection, and Kindred Spirits and Sixth House of Self-Regulation, Integration, and Personal Rhythm. ♊️♍️🪶✨

In more intermediate-advanced astrology, Mercury is interpreted as a “lower octave” (or softer frequency) of Uranus. Mercury can be impish, he likes spinning the dials and toggling the links, while Uranus is the ultimate trickster, operating like an electrical storm that will rip apart all ties, and throw in something totally new. ⚡️

Lilith - Mercury in synastry represents a taboo that features a mental connection expressed through raw instinct, where lack of propriety is the major turn-on, if not the intimacy of having a “secret club” of 2.

Lilith - Mercury synastry attractions might encompass scenarios like… a kinky crush you have on your cool older cousin who introduces you to satanic music… or secret meetings in your backyard treehouse with the girl-next-door who taught you how to masturbate, and you still call each other for phone sex (though you’re both married to other people of the opposite sex).

FUN FACT, Adam and Lilith were made of the same clay, and essentially siblings (from the original Lilith myths, read a version here ✨).

In fact, Lilith is sometimes noted as a hermaphrodite, or non-binary in some way, creating a natural simpatico with Mercury, a shapeshifter who could flit between dimensions (including Pluto’s Underworld 💀) and thus served as the messenger of the gods.

So, like—if Lilith symbolizes our Lunar Dark Side, the inner provocateur who causes shock and awe (Uranus ⚡️) and leads us unawares into Underworld situations (Pluto 💀)…

…then she’s definitely ride-sharing with Mercury. 😎

With Mercury - Lilith synastry, this is the classic and best version of friends as lovers. This is someone you feel instant recognition of, a person whose actual voice, upon your first time hearing it, rang a bell or strummed a chord deep inside your body… someone who adds words to a secret melody, or vice versa.

Basically, Mercury - Lilith in synastry indicates someone you can playyy with. ✨

After consummating your special bond (through mutual masturbation or a blood ritual, whichever, idk), this person becomes your secret playmate and partner in crime.

“Harmonious: The Mercury partner can inspire magic words and poetry from the Lilith partner. The Lilith partner can read the Mercury partner’s mind. Together, they can amplify each other’s psychic abilities and turn each other on with words.

Stressful: The Mercury person could use logic to demean the Lilith person’s intuitive reasoning. The Lilith partner could penetrate and brainwash the Mercury person’s mind.”

— Linda Goodman, “Black Moon Lilith in Synastry"

With harmonious aspects, you share a made-up language or telepathic bond that facilitates deeper self-understanding. This person mirrors you in some basic way, and through your relationship, helps you befriend your dark side, and find your voice. 🕊

With adverse aspects, this person might want to influence your thoughts and opinions, tell blatant lies at your expense, or pretend to not recognize you when out with their other friends. They might expect full disclosure about all your thoughts and feelings, insist on constant communication, and get defensive about your relationships with others (especially if they don’t like that person). 

With a conjunction specifically, there will be a tussle between both, with Mercury - person and Lilith - person vying for dominance (or “bestie” status) in each other’s lives… which can become confusing or complicated in a grown-up world striated by roles and rules.

“The Lilith conjunct Mercury synastry aspect creates a bit of a catch-22 in relationships. The mind is a turn-on, but one or both partners are also embarrassed by the other person’s mind at certain times. They feel an attraction to the way their partner thinks yet they also want to escape it.

This Lilith conjunct Mercury synastry aspect can also indicate difficulty communicating or mind games.

If the couple truly wants to progress and deal with their own issues surrounding Lilith (as this relationship is simply reflecting their own issues back at them) then couples therapy can be beneficial. The couple needs to learn new communication patterns before the relationship will feel completely safe.”

— Tea and Rosemary, “Black Moon Lilith Aspects in Synastry"

Basically, Lilith - Mercury contact in a synastry chart suggests true affinity, the kind that best recaptures that feeling of having connection without needing to define a role…

…though, ultimately, since Lilith in the mix (and because we’re grown ups and cast into certain roles with other non-Lilith people), boundary-setting and defining the rules of engagement might become the ultimate tension-breaker.

Do you remember The Royal Tenenbaums, after Richie’s character sabotaged his big tennis match and was hiding on the boat, and dictated that suicide note about being in love with his adopted sister Margo, then shaved off all his hair and cut his wrists to that Elliott Smith song…?

via GIFER

…and then, towards the end of the movie after they’re reunited, Richie confesses his true feelings to Margo, and she was like, “I think we’re going to have to be secretly in love…?” 🤭🥺

That scene encapsulates my final thoughts on a Mercury - Lilith synastry connection. ✨

OKAY, NOW, AFTER LOOKING AT THE PERSONAL PLANETS, CHECK UP ON LILITH’S INTERACTION WITH THE SOCIAL PLANETS, JUPITER AND SATURN…

(…a.k.a. daddy issues.)

(…Jk, jk. 😉🙃)

Jupiter and Saturn are considered the “social” planets, and indicate where public mores and conventional attitudes impact our charts. Jupiter corresponds with our luck, opportunity, and boon cycles, whereas Saturn corresponds with our set backs, hard knocks, and teachable moments. Jupiter could be a mentor, patron, or benefactor, while Saturn might represent a boss, bureaucrat, or member of the morality police.

In a synastry chart, Lilith to either Jupiter or Saturn can be a much needed overturning of the “rules of the world”, or the toppling of structures that have loomed like barriers, rather than supporting us, in our lives. Trines and sextiles suggest admiration, of having a mutual philosophical outlook or core principles. Squares and opposites denote rebellion, a wanting to shoulder-check the other, knock the other down a few pegs. Conjunctions hint at tussles and vying for leverage in the interaction.

Also, abuses of power, self-esteem issues coming to the fore, and totally grody rumblings with naive realism. 🥺😓

Lilith to Jupiter suggests a risk to long-term plans, personal jeopardy, and ethical dilemmas. Jupiter wants leverage, and Lilith either wants it too, or given a shortcut (if not special favors). Lilith - Jupiter contacts draw out our entitlement complexes.

“Both are drawn to each other and reinforce each other’s needs for pleasure and expression of individualism and sexuality. Both understand each other’s deeper expression of untapped untapped rage. Jupiter person may enhance and magnify Lilith person’s inner wounds and dramatic emotions. Lilith person can find purpose and meaning from Jupiter person’s influence.”

—12andUs, “Jupiter and Lilith Aspects in the Synastry Chart: How do You Expand Each Other’s Vision and Ideals?”

Lilith to Saturn suggests a risk to personal status, long-term consequences, and dissolution of the structure of your life (internal or external). Saturn wants control, and Lilith either wants to take or yield it to him, depending on Lilith’s mode (her zodiac sign) and aspect to Saturn. Lilith - Saturn contacts draw out our authority complexes, and unpack our issues around resentment and responsibility. 

“There may be a strong and karmic attraction, bringing these two together at a time when it is most needed. Saturn person is not one to instigate change, however Lilith person’s rebellious nature can help expose inner deceit and abuses of power which Saturn person will then continue to scrutinize and work around.”

— 12andUs, “Saturn and Lilith aspects in the Synastry Chart: How do you help each other create security and structure?”

TRUE ✨, Lilith to the social planets does imply a lovely undermining of Patriarchy (🥰)…

…but at the risk of disgrace and discredit (ugh). 

Whatever “power over” Lilith might gain through her relationship with Jupiter or Saturn, it will come with a shocking confrontation of her own naïveté, and potential long-term injury to her goals and reputation. 😬

Lesson well learned. ✅

Regardless of the actual role of Jupiter or Saturn, Lilith contacts to either in synastry imply some degree of rebellion and scandal, even if low-key.

Depends on the conditions of Jupiter and Saturn in both natal charts, how each chart holder relates with the tasks and tutelage represented by each, and Lilith’s aspects to both / either in the synastry chart. 💫

BONUS, OR SUPER-SECRET LILITH CONNECTIONS: LOOK FOR LILITH IN YOUR MIDPOINTS 🐍🎯

What if you’ve inventoried your synastry chart through-and-through, but still can’t find anything that explains your wild fascination with someone? 🐍💕

WELP, that could mean that their Lilith might be nestled in one of your midpoints (or yours in theirs).

Midpoints are now they sound: they are the “middle point” between two planets or objects in your natal chart. Midpoints in synastry are fun for a little special insight into energies that feel stimulated by another person, though there’s no connection between the actual objects in your charts.

Transits, progressions, or other people’s angles / points / planets hitting a midpoint can “activate” both planets. Your Sun-Moon midpoint is consider the holiest of midpoints, but you can also find out your Mars-Venus midpoint, Moon-Venus midpoint, and other steamy-pleasant-romantic planet midpoints.

I have a midpoints tutorial coming up in a couple months, but you can cast a chart for your Black Moon Lilith midpoints using the Astro-Seek online calculator, and selecting for Lilith. ✅ 

NOTE > You might notice a connection to one of your midpoints more than your synastry partner. When there’s one in place, it can make that person feel like the most Lilith motherfucker you’ve ever encountered… or make you feel crazy for a Lilith experience. 😛

🌟 HINT > With midpoints, only exact aspects count (0-1°). You might want to refer to the degree numbers listed under “planet positions” on the page displaying your Midpoints chart, to help figure out which of your partner’s planets might be hitting the midpoints between your Black Moon Lilith and other planets (if any).

To start you off, this article explains more about midpoints in general, and this explain says more about using midpoints in synastry. 💕

OKAY, ALL GREAT STUFF, BUT WHAT ABOUT LILITH + SEX? 😜

Lilith is a maj’ astro-factor in sex chemistry, largely because Lilith generates intrigue. Because this placement reveals where we tend to dissociate, contact from someone else’s planet to our Lilith can feel electric-erotic. We become sense-alive to where we were previously numb. We just feel urgency and craving. We want to download Lilith-person into ourselves, draw her in, and fuse her with our DNA.

Like—I want to fuck you so much that I’ll do it in this catshit-smeared corner of your grandma’s basement, even while you’re running a fever and with an open wound on my leg…

And afterwards, disgusted with us both, I might say mean shit expressing my dissatisfaction with who I’ve turned out to be, and totally ignore you at school, work, wherever we run into each other…

Annnd this might be what we do every 4-6 weeks until one of us leaves for college, or otherwise moves out of town. 💫

HOWEVER… some people don’t feel sexy about Lilith at all, she makes them want to punch the butterflies in their gut, or scratch at their skin, or withdraw into a dark room for a weekend. 😬😡😖

Lilith reveals our secret shame.

“Is Lilith an indicator of a person’s sexuality? No, not explicitly. However, it can certainly point us to areas where we’re repressed or feel that are taboo or shameful, and some work through these issues in their sex lives, so like many astrological points, Lilith contains some shades of sexuality. ”

— CafeAstrology, “Black Moon Lilith in the Signs + Houses”

Even if they enjoy the intrigue created by a Lilith synastry connection, some people will just be too turned off by the taboo or looming consequences. 🙈

Depends on how the chart-holder actually feels about their sexuality, and whether there are other comforting synastry connections in place.

🌟 when it comes to lilith synastry + sex chemistry, look for the following connections…

🌟 For hot, you’d want Lilith-Mars contact.

🌟 For easy and splendid, you’d prefer Lilith-Venus. 🐍🔥🌸

🌟 If you want to deep and also compulsive, you’d want Lilith-Moon, and to feel alive, you’d get that from Lilith-Sun. 🐍🌻🌙

🌟 For affinity and the ability to bond over your connection (especially if your synastry partner is more friend than lover material), you might want some easy aspects between Lilith-Mercury. 🐍🧚🏻‍♂️

🌟 For a tryst that might jeopardize your reputation or shake your foundations, or if you crave role-play or to root out some deep-seated authority issues, Lilith-Jupiter or Lilith-Saturn will provide. 🐍🕊🪐

🌟 And or a spiritual catalyst, you’d want Pluto-Lilith and Uranus-Lilith in the mix (this might zap and destroy something in its wake), and for a romantic or softening effect, throw in Lilith-Neptune (though this can entail disillusionment). 🐍💀⚡️🧜🏻‍♀️

Keep in mind that Outer Planet connections might elevate your connection, but without synastry elements that promote appreciation, camaraderie, or affinity, you might feel totally bereft after consummation…

Like—existential pain and crisis. 😬😞

REMEMBER, Lilith contacts in synastry bring a bit of shame and blame, hopefully leading to some kind of breakthrough or breaking point.

We hope the mounting pressure escapes via orgasms, and doesn’t end in a knock-down, drag-out fight…

…or painful feelings of rejection, invalidation, and exile (Lilith’s core themes 😓).

“Again, there will be sexual attraction with a Lilith contact. But there’s no suggestion of harmony, or even getting to first base. 

If your Sun conjuncts a man’s BML, he’ll feel your presence on an animal level (BML is not about love or empathy). [😬]

But there’s no guarantee that he’ll pursue you to the ends of the earth. What is for certain is that there will be a struggle for dominance as your ego triggers his issues with female power. He may respond with anger, defensiveness or a one night stand that never develops further. Or, he may run in the other direction. 

Then again, if there are other contacts between you that provide stability and emotional connection, you could be a powerful force that he embraces. It all depends on how comfortable he is with a woman who will not submit. ”

— Sasstrology, “Black Moon Lilith in Synastry”

OBVIOUSLY THO, you don’t need any kind of synastry connection betwixt-and-amongst your Liliths, it just adds a hint of intrigue and gimme dat.

But even with hot or pleasing contact between Liliths, it doesn’t mean anything will actually happen, or if it does, it won’t play out how you want, hope, or expect. 😕😓

for example, in this plutonic desire post, the astrologer speaks to her personal experience with lilith-mars in synastry…

“In the synastry of my last relationship we have a double whammy of Mars conjunct Lilith. One is happening in my 1st house, the other in my 8th house. You may think ‘WOW, that’s some hot shit going down there’. Wrong. We have a lot of square aspects in our synastry that include Lilith, which causes an obstacle for these raw energies to flow. The sex ain’t hot, passionate or intense.”

Plutonic Desire offers the most comprehensive articles for delineating the sexual compatibility of your Lilith connections. Start here with an examination of the sexual implications of your natal Lilith (Lilith in the signs, houses, and aspects to natal planets), then visit this article for more about the combination of elements that comprise our sexual style. ✨

here’s a tiny example, based on my natal + synastry lilith connections with the chart holder i used in an example above ✨…

From our natal charts…

🌟 LILITH IN THE TENTH HOUSE / PISCES ♓️ > Sex scandals, romantic + sexual escapism, submissive + voyeuristic. Deeply repressed emotions, and must learn to draw a line between reality and fantasy.

🌟 LILITH IN THE NINTH HOUSE / CANCER ♋️ > “Emotionally manipulative man eater” (excuse me?) who must learn about respecting others’ feelings, not lying to get what they want, and not taking their lovers as sexual hostages. 🤷🏻‍♀️✨

From our synastry chart…

🌟 My Lilith (“taboo”) conjunct their Saturn (“authority”) in Cancer (“emotion”)

🌟 His Lilith (“taboo”) conjunct my Mercury (“mental connection”) in Pisces (“spirit”).

If we look at the elements of our Lilith placements: both in Water Signs ♓️♋️, each with “hazard warnings” about submissiveness and emotional codependency, but denoting an amplified psycho-spiritual connection that is felt and mostly intuitive.

If you read my post about finding your Progressed Moon 🌙⏰, you’ll know that I’ve been frequenting CODA, or Codependents Anonymous, unpacking my own hidden tendencies of attaching to intense people as a means of regulating my own intense emotions (all coinciding with my Moon progressing through my Sixth House of Health, Regulation, + Personal Rhythm, read more here✨).

I don’t try to blame emotional codependency on my Lilith (in some circles I do), but my interactions with my synastry partner has definitely been a true life excavation of my shadow tendencies, and a useful way for alighting and unpacking my own longing, urges, and hidden motives (scroll down to the next section for my true life explanation of Lilith in Synastry ✨).

Overall, in most situations, Lilith synastry connections bring the dark side into our sex, or our attraction to someone else is influenced by dark motives.

With other synastry connections, the relationship and interaction could be a safe place to purge and explore the darkness bound up in our Lilith, or become a place of abuse, chaos, or mayhem…. the kinds of relationships we want to quit, but become addicted to.

“If your BML is activated and you find yourself getting caught up in obsessive patterns, know that you cannot compel the other person to love or accept you. His acceptance is not where your true nourishment lies, and the harder you push, the more you’ll manifest the “Lilith as angry outsider” scenario.

Black Moon Lilith’s true power is within you, but the difficulty lies in confronting the very uncomfortable energy that’s been awakened. One of her keys involves accepting what you cannot have, and where you cannot go. The painful paradox is, when she’s activated, she often lusts after the very thing that’s not available to her.”

— Sasstrology, “Black Moon Lilith in Synastry”

So, like—with Lilith in synastry, your sex could be lit… 👌🏻🔥

…but everything else might get scary and weird. 😵‍💫😓

Remember, Lilith is definitely not Eve. In synastry, she’s not the answer to our romantic longings, but a kink… Lilith doesn’t pursue sex and pleasure without ulterior motives, which vary according to her moods.

In safer cases, Lilith is our pal who lets us finger her while we’re watching Scrubs on her brother’s big screen, who doesn’t expect us to also ask her to homecoming, or act sad if we don’t sit with her and her friends during lunch.

In other cases, Lilith is the girl who feigns drunkenness so you’ll sleep with her, then throws a tantrum when you reject her offer to move into your apartment and make you breakfast. 

And then fakes a pregnancy, to score a second date. 💁🏻‍♀️

BASICALLY, no matter how sexy, carefree, or fun she seems, when Lilith starts getting shady and manipulative, we go home to the Moon, or romping around with Venus. 🌙🌸

Through the experience, we learn that fascination, intrigue, and magnetism won’t substitute for actual self-esteem, for accepting the void within that we can only ever grope for (or have groped by someone else).

With maturity, you might eventually recognize the erotic-tinged-anxiety of a Lilith-connection only means there’s an urgent pain to be exposed, and that—like many, but not all erotic endeavors—we must realize it together. 🦋💫

“Harmonious Lilith aspects between partners will show how you can bring magic into each other’s life. Like a good Mars/Venus connection, it will show how Tantric your sexual relations could be. It also shows how magnetically attracted you are to each other – the all important chemistry. Hard aspects to the personal planets may show an irresistible, obsessive attraction, the sort that hypnotizes you into abandoning your more regular Moon/domestic commitments. Hence, her reputation as a “bunny boiler.” On the other hand, she can break the spell of entrenched habitual behavior.

Therefore, synastry connections with Black Moon Lilith show where you feel this magic and how it plays out. Double whammys (for example, your Lilith aspects their Sun and their Lilith aspects your Sun) are great because they give each partner the opportunity to be “The Lilith,” and that makes them the most powerful of all. ”

— Linda Goodman (forum answer)

SO, if you want to secure that Lilith vibe in your life, you’d want a fair Lilith exchange (“double whammies”), as well as pleasant aspects between Sun, Venus, and Moon, plus Mars (for excitement) and Jupiter (for benevolence), with a little Neptune (for romance), and a bit of Saturn as a practical bonding agent. ✅👍🏻

You’d also probably want to peek at the love asteroids in your synastry , because they “sparkle up” the connections and zones in your synastry chart. 💖

NOTE > I have more tips for managing Lilith-driven relationships below, just before the resource section. ✨

TO HELP FURTHER YOUR ANALYSIS OF YOUR SYNASTRY CONNECTIONS > Here’s the link again to my synastry tutorial 💕, to be combined with this article: Planets in Synastry: A Beginner’s Guide to Relationship Astrology. ✨

ALSO, FOR ASTRO-BASED SEX CHEMISTRY SPECIFICALLY > This article about what indicates sexual attraction in a synastry chart (ya girl), and also, an article about your sexual horoscope to be compared to this blog post assessing your sex style according to your Venus / Mars placements. ✅ 

LILITH IN SYNASTRY, AN EXAMPLE: LILITH SQUARE THE LUNAR NODES ✨

In this example, I’m going to illustrate a version of how relationship (even a tenuous one) can help you be made aware of Lilith, and where exactly she stalks you in your relationships (and reflexively, your own chart).

There will also be a comment about how transiting Lilith (in the sky right now) can influence your interactions, and draw out behaviors reflecting those archetypes and qualities.

I'm going to use the same charts from the screenshots above, as well as from my original synastry tutorial (for consistency). 💕✨

🌟 NOTE: this section is a hella long delineation / diatribe pertaining to one synastry aspect, and mostly just for my own catharsis regarding the mysterious sequence of events that unfolded in the wake of the gemini solar eclipse in june of last year (2021).

🌟 #ICYMI… I was in a cafe when the June ‘21 Gemini Eclipse tripped my Vertex, a.k.a. Destiny Point as a barista was handing me a beverage, whereupon I became obsessed (#Plutonian 💀) and began stalking via transits to his hypothetical natal chart, and basically learned how to do synastry. ✨

Keep reading for insight into Black Moon Lilith square the North / South Nodes in synastry, or scroll down to the next section: Managing Black Moon Lilith / “taboos” in Relationships. 🐍💕✨

🌟 BTW… I have a post coming this summer all about tracking Lilith transits (in commemoration of my own Lilith Return, an astro-event that happens every 9 years, subscribe here to find out when it goes live ☺️✨). 

HAAAYYY! 🙌🏻✨

🌟 first, what are the lunar nodes, how do they operate in a natal chart, as well as in synastry…?

As opposed to a single planet (such as Venus or Mars), the Lunar Nodes are not actual objects. They show where the Sun and Moon crossed paths for the year you were born (and also indicate where eclipses were sparking during your birth year).

They’re also on an axis: your North Node (“current dharma”) is in the sign opposite your South Node (“past karma”). The sign / house of each reveal themes, qualities, and arenas you’re well versed and capable in (south node), or where you feel a bit gun-shy, and need / want to grow (north node).

If you’re looking at just your natal chart, you might notice planets (or objects) squaring your Nodes. Squares from natal planets to our Nodes reveal our “karmic missed steps”, or basically, what we might battle within ourselves in fulfilling our bigger, karmic projects.

“A planet square the south node represents a person, circumstance or issues that crossed, vexed, afflicted or undercut the intentions or needs of the person in the prior lifetime. It is therefore an issue left unresolved from the past, which pressures for resolution again in the present.”

— Steven Forrest, Yesterday’s Sky

When you notice a planet squaring your Nodes, investigate its associated archetypes and energy for insight into what energy or function has tripped you up on the path to destiny. 👐🏻✨

Black Moon Lilith squaring the Nodes shows where your sense of autonomy might steer you into the weeds vs. carrying you closer to your soul’s preferred destination. Lilith indicates where your raw instincts might have undermined your own process.

“Lilith-Nodes aspects indicate that developing a healthy relationship with the natural wild within has been an issue in many lives. These people need to shed cultural labels that get affixed to those who live Lilith stories and tap into the truth about humans: we are extensions of the natural world, we all carry the energy of the uncontrollable wild within us, and all need to make peace with who we really are.”

— Tom Jacobs, “Natal Lilith Aspects”

BASICALLY, if Lilith squares ANY planet on your chart (natal or synastry), that planet’s energy becomes compromised, or hijacked, by a power struggle. Planet-person might have handily accessed this planet before Lilith-person came on the scene, but once the relationship gelled, that planet’s energy became elusive. 

🌟 IN A NATAL CHART > If Lilith squares one of our planets, we don’t necessarily notice an inner conflict. We struggle to access the energy (or information) symbolized by that planet, but blame the struggle on events, circumstances, and other people. We deflect the issues resulting from this struggle. We might gather examples of others abusing or “behaving badly” with that type of energy (the energy of the planet or point being squared), and use that as an excuse to ignore or deny our own capacity.

🌟 IN A SYNASTRY CHART > If Lilith from one chart squares a planet or point in another chart, you can expect tension, a power struggle, and eventually, confrontation. Lilith-person will not be wholly tuned into how they hijack, sabotage, or straight-up battle with the other person. Depends on the other person’s Lilith sign, and the house their Lilith lands in for the planet-person.

🌟 in a synastry chart, another person’s lilith squaring your nodes suggests that they divert and distract from your karmic project… 🐍🌟

When someone else’s planet squares your Nodes (any planet), that person embodies your “karmic missed steps.” That other person ends up representing the energy of that missing element that must be learned and integrated into your psyche for you to fully lean towards your North Node (a.k.a. your current dharma).

With Lilith in particular, it would be behaviors that Lilith-person might not be aware of (or even agree with) that knock you off your path. They might be shadow qualities you are eager to play into, fully aware that they distract you from your “meta purpose.”

Unless mature, Lilith-person might not be aware where she casts a shadow. On her end, she’s trying to get validated, and that validation comes through getting her way. When she squares a planet in her partner’s chart, that planet becomes the locus of control (symbolically). 

Basically, Lilith - person unwittingly gets in the way of our karmic project….

…and if we ourselves are unaware, or willing to play into the distraction (…because the taboo is just so much more compelling), we get dharma-crampy. 😵‍💫

THERE’S ALSO THE POTENTIAL… that Lilith-person’s validation-seeking process inspires or helps us appreciate and better use the energy of the point or planet she squares. Once the initial power-struggle is noticed and addressed, planet-person + Lilith-person can move forward in their lives, more mindful and able to articulate what’s happening in their relationship.

IT’S ALSO IMPORTANT TO NOTE… that even though another person’s Lilith might be doing something to our chart, it doesn’t necessarily mean that person embodies the Lilith archetype, or is performing taboo-ish stunts.

Much of the time, our Liliths are doing something to other people’s charts, and it is not even barely nerve-wracking or alluring…

…though it’s always a tiny bit antagonistic. 👻

WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT, is understanding the role of Lilith in each natal chart separately.

That’s the only way to gain leverage over her sneaky machinations in your relationships.

Also, so that you can get wise to how you might resist or rebel against the helpful mirroring of a relationship.

🌟 until delineating our synastry chart, and the “lilith transit moment” that i describe in detail below, i hadn’t actually realized that my black moon lilith squares the lunar nodes in my birth chart… 😳😬

…or that that my synastry partner’s Black Moon Lilith also squares his Nodes.

What I had noticed: the barista’s Saturn conjuncts (is side-by-side) my Lilith, and that my Mercury conjuncts his Lilith.

But look closer. 🔎

My Mercury conjunct my synastry partner’s Lilith 🐍✨

In HIS chart, natal Lilith is at 2° Pisces (underneath my Mercury)…

My synastry partner’s Saturn conjunct my Lilith 🐍✨

And in MINE, natal Lilith is at 13° Cancer (spread-eagled underneath his Saturn… jk, jk). 😳🤭

My synastry partner’s Black Moon Lilith squaring his Lunar Nodes (natal) 🐍✨

WHICH MEANS…. my Lilith also squares mine! 😱

When you look at the aspect tables of our synastry, at the columns showing aspects to our Nodes, the barista and I exchange two “exact squares” (“exact” aspects have thicker lines around their boxes). 

My Mercury @ 4° Pisces squares the barista’s Nodes, while his Saturn @ 13° Cancer squares mine. ♋️♓️

And both those planets overlap our sneaky Liliths.

And, and… I literally never noticed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

(BECAUSE BLACK MOON LILITH IS OUR BLIND SPOT! 🤭😖)

So, we both have Black Moon Lilith squaring our Lunar Nodes.

We both have Lilith issues that make us dharma-crampy. Lilith, that shadowy blind spot, has stalked and gotten underfoot of our separate karmic projects.

These issues have NOTHING to do with each other, or anyone else really. These are issues resulting from our own historic tendencies to run berserker from the priorities, responsibilities, and relationships that happen to be aligned with our personal destinies, as astro-cryptic and deep-recessed in our muddy psyches as they are. 👁🧠

SO BASICALLY…

• Black Moon Lilith squares the Lunar Nodes in our separate, individual birth charts.

• His Black Moon Lilith (“taboo”) exact conjuncts (is side-by-side) my Mercury (“voice”, “point of view”, the inner integrator)

• My Black Moon Lilith (“taboo”) exact conjuncts his Saturn (“structure”, “foundations”, the inner patriarch)

🌟 okay, so what is the “felt” experience of this kind of synastry connection…? how would it play out…?

ACCORDING TO WISER ASTROLOGERS, for me, his Saturn would grip in place my moody-murky Lilith ♋️, his manifest “authority” would supposedly help “crystallize my magic into solid form”…

“Harmonious: The Saturn partner feels poetic, loosens up and inspired to break the rules when the Lilith partner waves their magic wand. The Lilith partner crystallizes their magic into solid form, thanks to Saturn’s discipline.

Stressful: The Saturn partner could put the Lilith partner’s sexuality on a leash, constricting them too tightly and thereby trapping their creativity. The Lilith partner may enjoy teasing and tempting the Saturn partner out of their responsibilities – and seducing them away from their work.”

— Linda Goodman forum answer ✨

(…hello, welcome to my astrology blog. 💁🏻‍♀️)

FOR HIM, my Mercury would outline his vague-and-ghosty Lilith ♓️, my “voice” and “perspective” bringing clarity, helping him connect the dots and realize his self-undermining, the foil and delusions of his karmic purpose (you’re welcome, asshole 🖕🏻).

Essentially, my Mercury would lure HIM towards awareness of his own Lilith’s deviations, while also unraveling the primary beliefs that have guided and justified his wanker tendencies, the very ones derailing his creative purpose (or something, mebbe). 👐🏻✨

“Harmonious: The Mercury partner can inspire magic words and poetry from the Lilith partner. The Lilith partner can read the Mercury partner’s mind. Together, they can amplify each other’s psychic abilities and turn each other on with words.

Stressful: The Mercury person could use logic to demean the Lilith person’s intuitive reasoning. The Lilith partner could penetrate and brainwash the Mercury person’s mind.”

— Linda Goodman forum answer ✨

TAKEN ALTOGETHER, based on our synastry, you would think that we both would be able to press forward in our separate karmic-dharmic projects, based on how our personal Liliths could be brought into our awareness via each other’s Saturn and Mercury contact (theoretically anyway).

BUT UNFORTUNATELY, we cannot know for sure the experience of my Mercury on his Lilith…

…and for that, we can blame transiting Lilith, a.k.a. Lilith in the sky right now. 😤🐍💫

In about three months (August 2022), I’ll have a tutorial about tracking and inventorying Lilith transits, including how to delineate a Lilith Return Chart (squee 😆), but for now, I have to explain the event coinciding with transiting Lilith.

In this particular event, when Black Moon Lilith transited upon a certain point in his chart (on the day before his birthday, aww 😢), the barista exiled me from the cafe. 🐍❌

This particularly Lilith transit struck a point on the barista’s chart that has been struck before, by a different transiting object…

…both occasions coinciding with the barista having a fucked up outburst.

• Both occurred at times where we were alone. Not alone alone (there were 3 witnesses to the second weird outburst, one of whom being the grounds keeper at my kid’s school), but alone, as in, no buffer.

• Both “alone” moments were flukes, or the only two occasions where we were “alone” enough where I was adrenalized, thinking, “PERFECT, now look for an opening to confirm his birth data and if he saw a flash on Eclipse day…!” 🤩

What makes this asshole thing astrological, is that it was a follow-up to a previous asshole event that occurred when transiting Nessus (a.k.a. the abuse asteroid 😵‍💫) was transiting his Sun, while simultaneously, the transiting Sun was coming side-by-side with natal Nessus (referred to as a “double whammy”). 

And when the barista did the next asshole thing, transiting Lilith (in the sky right now) had come conjunct his natal Nessus.

I’ve gone ahead and outlined all of the details right here, so that we might deleanate the true-life events alongside the astrological events taking place on the charts... ✨

…which is legit the only way you’re going to learn how to decrypt actual astrology charts, and no longer have to rely on Tumblr witches to describe and predict how astrology can impact your life (ok?).

🌟 on the day of the barista’s first outburst, transiting nessus (the “abuse asteroid” 😳) was exact conjunct his natal sun, while the transiting sun was exact conjunct his natal nessus (the abuse asteroid in his own chart) @ 26° gemini in his first house of identity, persona, + personal appearance ✨ >

Here is the chart concerning showing when transiting Sun-Nessus double-whammy ✅ >

HINT: Astro.com lets you cast charts where you can input any asteroid you want (vs. Astro-Seek, which does not)

You can read more about my incredulousness at making this observation about the Abuse Asteroid coincidence in this post about reading a synastry chart ✨, but in a nutshell: Nessus, the abuse asteroid, shows where we have been abused, and thus, how we tend to display abusive behavior.

As this astrologer notes, “[O]ne theme of Nessus may be ‘blaming God for the evil you do’ -- or situations in which somebody does something to you and gives God the responsibility.”

When other transiting planets conjunct natal Nessus, you might have a disturbing moment, especially if your Nessus close-aspects one of your other planets, particularly your Moon (where we store our memories).

HINT > To find out where Nessus lands on your chart, hit up Astro.com, select “Natal and Transit” under Chart Type, then select “Nessus” from the drop down menu labelled Additional Objects, or by typing 7066 into the box labelled Manual Entry.

You’ll have to pay attention and track your transits (and document your life) when planets are transiting through your Nessus sign to notice events and patterns that might be related to deep-down issues (hint: this post shows you how to track your transits ☺️✨). 

So basically, he acted like an asshole, and it happened to coincide with a Sun-Nessus double-whammy transit… which is very interesting to know, but still left me feeling said and confused about the interaction. 😠😓💫

Anyway…

🌟 and on his latest fucked-up outburst (tuesday, march 1st, 2022 @ approximately 3:48 - 3:53 pm), transiting black moon lilith was exact conjunct his natal nessus 🤭 >

Here is the chart ✅…

Also notice at the top, where transiting Nessus is conjunct transiting Jupiter, and BOTH are conjunct his Sun….? 🤭

🌟 HERE’S THE SCENE… Barista was standing approximately 5 - 7 feet away from where I was seated, laptop perched on my lap, facing him while he was standing behind the counter with the espresso machines and sinks and… like, all the usual coffee house shit. Barista’s hips and shoulders were turned towards me, though he was standing perpendicular from the cafe entrance, cash register, and the all-important Chores List and related tasks, his face looking down at his cell phone (…it must be said). 

He had just been regaling me about all of his recent aches and pains (…which might be culminating into a maj’ health crisis, based on the transits to his Sixth House of Health, Routine, + Rhythm that I’ve been stalking, and also because the Scorpio Eclipse later this year is scheduled to trip HIS VERTEX*✨, well well well… 😳😱). 

(*UPDATE > I was wrong 😅, the Oct 25, ‘22 Scorpio Eclipse is due to strike this turd's natal Uranus, not his Vertex, tho they’re only 5° away from each other. Go here for descriptions of what might happen when an eclipse strikes a specific planet, such as Uranus ⚡️, and go here to read more about what might happen if an eclipse strikes your Vertex a.k.a. Destiny Point. ✨)

To date, those 3 - 5 minutes he spent telling me about his health issues are probably the longest amount of time he’s ever spoken to me directly… 

…and I took this as a great sign that I was going to finally get catharsis about my June 10, 2021 Eclipse Moment (squeee I deserve this 🥰).

via GIPHY

AND DUDE, I literally had the perfect question to ask that would open the conversation up to astrology (squuuueeeeee).

So, I looked up and in my cheeriest voice, asked my Q. 😃😊

He didn’t look up. ❌

I repeated the Q. 😃

Waited. 🙂

Suddenly, still not acknowledging me, he dropped his cell phone on the counter, zipped into the back room… (“Hey… hello…? HELLO??”… one of the other patrons glances over at me)… then zipped back out, plucked up his phone, did a little pirouette to resume the same position: face down at the phone, but hips and shoulders turned in my direction (where I am tucked into a corner table that’s facing the wall at that weird, perpendicular angle… so, like, it’s a weird angle for him to be facing, unless he was expecting to resume the conversation… 🤨).

I asked my question a third time, loud enough that the three other customers on the other side of the seating area have all looked up. 

…but that fucker is still not acknowledging my fucking question, and his body language is totally confusing me, and I am now distraught 😫

via GIPHY

SO, I stamped my feet on the linoleum, and said, “HAY! You’re ignoring me!”

“What?”

“I’ve been trying to ask you something, but you’re legit not hearing me…”

(“…because you’re on your fuckin’ phone” = how I wanted to finish that sentence…)

“WELL, that’s because I have, like, 60% deafness in one ear… from surfing… and… you know what, if you don’t like it, YOU DON’T HAVE TO HANG OUT HERE*…” 

(…and then literally two seconds after that…)

“…but what were you trying to ask me?” 😄😁😇

I mumbled “Nvm, I forget”, logged into astro.com (which lets you cast charts for transiting asteroids), packed my laptop and scooted.

MY QUESTION!!! > “What are you doing for your birthday?” 

…which was the next day…

…and coinciding with a New Moon that was exact conjunct his stupid fucking Sun. 😩😞

UGH.

YOU IDIOT. ❌

via GIPHY

WHAT I HAD SEEN ON HIS TRANSIT CHART ON ASTRO.COM > At that moment, transiting Black Moon Lilith was exact conjunct his natal Nessus. 

About a week later (on Monday, March 9th, between approximately 10:30 - 11AM), while one of his barista-coworkers happened to be chilling at my house with my lesbian friend and her pig, I strapped my toddler into the jogger, and strolled around the corner to the cafe.

Whereupon, this psychopath announced: “I can’t serve you anymore.” 

POUR QUOIS?? > “Because you can’t bring that in here.”

“My baby??”

“NO, no, you harassed me about my disability… and I hate people who are like that!”

I was more confused than I have ever felt about anything. 

Crypto currency and karmic astrology make more sense than this.

Aliens make more sense.

SO, he basically told a lady with a baby stroller to leave the cafe (in front of everyone)…

….because she had harassed him…

…about his… surfing-related… disability. 👐🏻

😑 😑 😑

BTW, WHAT I FOUND OUT LATER > Another coinciding astro transit was in play: for the past few months, Saturn has been conjunct (and retrograding over 😬) the barista’s Mercury in Aquarius, which is also his chart ruler, a.k.a. the planet overruling his entire natal chart… 

…and according to this astrologer, when Saturn (which brings the heavy 🪨) transits Mercury (which governs perception and communication 🧚🏻), our sense awareness diminishes > “Physically, this can be a time of nervous ailments that affect your speech or hearing. Communication may be difficult either because of delays or misunderstandings. You may feel isolated from others due to an inability to put your thoughts into words.” 🤯🤭

so, that’s what happened irl, but what happens when black moon lilith (“taboo”) transits upon natal nessus (“the abuse asteroid”)? >

Lilith in a natal chart reveals our personal taboo, or the particular shady behaviors we deploy that cause us shame, guilt, and resentment.

When she transits one of our planets, we might find ourselves expressing the drive, instinct, or energy represented by that planet in a subversive way, via the shadow qualities of the sign they’re in.

With Black Moon Lilith conjunct Nessus, this abuse hot spot in the natal chart gets stroked, by a teasing, phantom energy that’s difficult to name or recognize, and become the shadow qualities of Gemini (lies, gossip, verbal cruelty).

(FOR MORE HINTS > Visit this article about a 2022 conjunction between transiting Sun, Nessus, and Black Moon Lilith, rhapsodizing about how mythical Lilith took responsibility by removing herself from the abusive power paradigm in paradise between God and Adam, with god = the Sun, and Adam = Nessus, it’s hella good, dawg! 😍).

So, I guess, when Black Moon Lilith transited him, depending on how the barista interprets his own Nessus in Gemini / Nessus in the First House, he might have felt on a subconscious level that his preservation was at stake…

…even tho he’s a big kid, and as I will not stop emphasizing, I am of much smaller stature and totally non-threatening in every single way. 😇🥺

Like—that fucking shithead totally could’ve called me out for a lot more accurate things: hustling customers (for copywriting gigs, or their birth data), for gossip-mongering on my astrology blog (welcome ☺️), for distracting his staff, or even for just lingering around with my shy, weird, 300 ton-heavy vibes (when he’d rather be Googling about his symptoms)… 📱

…and if he had just called it how it was, I probably would’ve saluted him and scooted onto my next delusion / distraction… 💃🏻

…without him ripping open a new wormhole of toxic karma. 😖😒

And yes, I did have a 34-minute conversation with Luis at the Better Business Bureau of Santa Barbara CA, but chickened out from filing a report (and forcing conflict resolution from the business owner 🐍🔥), only because…

Well, I guess I don’t really want to go back anyway, especially when “gossip reports” around town says the other baristas are talkin’ shit (you fuckin’ losers, COME COLLECT YOUR DOG’S TOYS AND GET YOUR GROSS BEER OUT OF MY FRIDGE)…

…and I mostly just rather leave him to die and end up in whatever landfill he’s destined for anyway. ✅

btw, none of this has anything to do with lilith in synastry… ✨✨✨

…but I hope it’s a valuable illustration of what you can uncover about your own bizarre interactions with psychopaths working in your neighborhood who want to publicly humiliate local toddler moms… with lies. ❌  

And regardless of the fruitless distraction created by this terrible person, his birth chart became the perfect macguffin for helping me learning upper-division astrology… 🌟

IN MY OWN FINAL ANALYSIS 🧐 > I needed the barista’s chart to help realize my own “shadow tendencies”, and how I’ve let myself get knocked off my project. 😓

I never noticed Black Moon Lilith squaring the Lunar Nodes in my natal chart…

…not until deep-inventorying his Saturn in our synastry 🔎

ALSO, remember that my Mercury conjuncts his Black Moon Lilith, both squaring his Lunar Nodes, and while researching about my Mercury (to intuit how this placement might impact or detract from his own karmic/dharmic project), I found this ✨ >

“The Neptunian girl [with Mercury in Pisces 🧚🏻♓️] is a kind and sympathetic Samaritan woman who is completely incapable of doing boring routine work. To be happy, she needs to create and see the recognition of the results, but to sit down and start systematically writing books, poems or music is almost as difficult as putting together accounting reports. The driving force, including the intelligence of the romantic and feminine beauty, is the state of falling in love, inspiring daring, brilliant results that will shock her.”

BASICALLY, the barista’s Lilith lured me into writing a quasi-astrological manifesto regarding his birth chart and eclipses…

…which wouldn’t have been conceivable if I hadn’t believed my soul was being taken hostage by eclipse fairies, guardian angels, or whichever aliens are controlling the meta-narrative of our personal destinies…

…and which I was also convinced was only intelligible via astrology charts. 🧚🏻👽🌟

I only craved all this intel because of a weird eclipse thing that I guess didn’t happen to anyone but me, but ended up becoming the inspiration for a long-haul and possibly useless research project.

“The state of falling in love, inspiring daring, brilliant results that will shock her.” 🤭🤩

some tips if you’re in a similar (bizarre) situation, and have noticed that black moon lilith squares your lunar nodes > 

First, confirm whether YOUR or THEIR Nodes are being squared. If their Lilith squares your Nodes, then ask yourself:

• Is there something about the relationship that feels underfoot, or distracting you from moving towards a goal or transformation? Do you blame this person for feelings of disappointment, distraction? Do you feel anger, guilt, embarrassment, or anxiety?

• What past event or relationship might Lilith reference? Which goals or projects were you undermined from pursuing? What were you trying to prove? To who?

• What kind of validation is Lilith-person looking for? Is that even something you can give them? (Their Lilith placement will better articulate this than they can. 👍🏻)

• Where does your Lilith make you feel vulnerable? What vulnerabilities do you feel are coming from the Lilith-person? Do you feel yourself playing with or against those vulnerabilities? …do you feel as though your vulnerabilities are being preyed upon, or as though a part of yourself is being smothered, or overshadowed?

• Basically, do you feel like you have the upper hand? …or do you yield the leverage?

in general, when it comes to a difficult aspect from a planet to the lunar nodes (in synastry or your natal chart chart), ask yourself >

• What do I need to start now… what have I put off?

• Where do I need to take initiative?

• What do I need to adjust, release, and refocus?

Scroll back up for the information about making Lilith known and understood in your relationship for hints and inspo about how you might approach the issue, in a way that helps validate the Lilith person, and also easing the tension created by her in your own chart. ✌🏻✨

“…the key point is that squares (as distinct from oppositions) to the south node correlate with vexatious situations in which our own blindness or error play a large role. Blindness and error are part of life and we all succumb to them. 

And always remember one of our cardinal insights into spiritual evolution: you were even dumber in the past! These past-life lapses should not be greeted with guilt or shame, only with the recognition that we are all wounded, that we all run the risk of repeating old patterns, and that there are better choices available.”

— Steven Forrest, Yesterday’s Sky

ULTIMATELY, this was a useful research project, in that it brought to light and clarified an unknown entity or character that’s been operating in my own narrative…

…and that she’s known, I’m able to appreciate her.

BECAUSE, Black Moon Lilith is the protagonist of our personal sacred quest through a profane world bent on demoralizing and denigrating our basic instincts.

Black Moon Lilith speaks to what about our personality might be transformed by breeching a taboo, facing our regrets, and aligning more wisely with the energy of our conviction.

Through her, become our own guardians. ✊🏻

When Lilith aspects our Lunar Nodes, we’re lucky enough that this guardianship becomes part-in-parcel to the realization of our ultimate soul goals.

And through others (in synastry 💕), we can become aware of the lure and drama and maybe even meta meanings of our faults.

And I think I can gauge that this all-consuming research binge on the intricacies of Black Moon Lilith in synastry has certainly helped clarify and fortify my own bizarre talents, as well as discern and value the difference between MY Lilith issues versus YOURS (and this turd’s who's working at the cafe).

anyway, this is an example of focusing on one “planet”, black moon lilith, in a synastry chart…

🌟AS MENTIONED, there will be a future post all about tracking your Black Moon Lilith transits, but if you’re curious about where Lilith is currently stalking you (and your relationship), check out this article about transits to natal Lilith. ✨

🌟 For a bigger scope of relationship astrology (and for delineating other links in the rest of your synastry), you’ll want to revisit my synastry tutorial, and I also recommend Stephen Arroyo’s Person to Person Astrology. ✨

🌟 Also also, go here to learn more about the Lunar Nodes in your natal chart and here for an intro to the Lunar Nodes in synastry. ✨

🌟 And if you’re thirsty for more on the abuse asteroid (weirdo), check out this astrologer’s notes on Nessus > “Nessus is a planet that addresses the healing of abuse patterns. The abuse can be psychological, physical or sexual in nature; it can be 'potentially inappropriate' contact or behavior; and it can involve revenge. Nessus has themes that feel like 'the return of karma' and what goes around comes around. Actions have consequences, but you can almost always discover the source. Nessus is a very good diagnostic tool in handling situations with these themes. It shows us where and how we've been hurt in the past, and how we're likely to hurt others -- and how we can heal those hurts.” ✨

🌟 Finally, IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN HEARING MORE ABOUT ECLIPSES (🤩😛🥰), I have a post in the works all about locating and delineating the Fate Axes in a natal chart, so that you might also start tracking “karmic moments” that might distract you from your divorce proceedings, and also help you discover new, hella niche skills appreciated on the Internet, subscribe to find out when it goes live. 👍🏻✨

IF STILL WILLING TO VENTURE WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD…

(A.K.A. HOW TO MANAGE LILITH-DRIVEN ATTRACTIONS IN SYNASTRY)
🐍🦋✨

SO… what if you want to keep your Lilith-person around, and preserve the special-good feels of your skank-driven cuddle sessions…? 💞

You already know from my post about natal Lilith that it doesn’t work to repress, deny, or pretend-away your taboos.

Similarly, you don’t want to let Lilith go unnamed in your relationships. 😬

With Lilith in synastry between natal charts, the attraction or relationship hooks onto a potential taboo, one that might be transformed by meeting our fear and shame through this other person. 

Sometimes Lilith taboos force a confrontation with what you forgot you missed, had stolen from you, or pretended to have already had happen (but never quite sealed the deal). 

…but you forgot that you forgot until the taboo gets triggered by these skanky vibes in your midst.

Maybe you don’t refer to your relationship regrets or disappoint as “Lilith”,  but if you and your friends, lovers, and alibis have some kind of lingo in place to describe her behavior (and patterns), you might be able to dilute the taboo in the glow of shared awareness.

“As we’ve seen, the true Black Moon for an individual represents a cache of emotional history that requires much patience, acceptance, self-love and forgiveness to deepen into and navigate successfully. When Lilith is active in relationships the positive or negative quality of her influence depends on how each party responds to and reacts to her. In other words, their individual relationships with the energy will determine how they react to Lilith in each other. For this reason it is imperative for each individual in a relationship to take responsibility for his or her own emotional and relationship histories and take steps to heal whatever in them needs healing.

Lilith’s themes coming up in relationship can be a signal that one or each person needs to revisit his or her own Lilith energy to clean up any outstanding debris from relationship histories that might be getting in the way. When this happens, flight may seem the easiest thing to do. Yet Lilith can exist in healthy relationship with others. It is important to her – she and Adam are halves of a whole, after all – and she can be in healthy relationship if she makes space within it to be true to herself.

[…]

If you find yourself in one or more ways rather like Lilith but find yourself in relationships where she is not really welcome, this is a signal of one or more things: you are not expressing Lilith, not taking responsibility for yourself, not honoring yourself first, or not recognizing that your outer reality needs to reflect your inner reality. Take any such relationship patterns as a cue to focus on your own willingness and ability to express what your true Black Moon has to say about who you truly are on the inside.”

— Tom Jacobs, “Lilith in Relationship”

Basically, with Lilith-based attractions, you need protocols in place. Even after she is named, we will have to own our Lilith, as well as stay sensitive to the existence of our beloved’s Lilith.

Here are some tips, compiled mostly from research >

🌟 FIRST: Get accurate. This article shows you what to look for and how to interpret the “relationship potential” in a natal chart. Apply to both charts separately (yours and theirs). Compare the needs and expectations you think you have to the relationship potential described in your natal chart. Compare the relationship story in your natal chart to your actual relationship experience, not the narrative you’re clinging to (no one has to know but you).

🌟 SECOND: Claim your motives. Lilith’s hallmarks are resentment, jealousy, and vindictiveness, or basically, the emotional outcroppings for unstated expectations. Reality check your hopes. Name the stakes involved. Say what the relationship means to you. If that kind of conversation doesn’t feel appropriate, then it might not have long-term potential. That’s fine, just focus on your own experience, and be wary of what feels like a fib or manipulation (from them towards you).

🌟 THIRD: Experiment. Detach from a specific outcome. Hold off on rule-mongering. No ultimatums. Leave a margin for error, anticipate impropriety, and a probably a few confrontations. When the confrontations arise, note what actually felt lost or gained. How do each of you feel about the impact?

🌟 FOURTH: Invent secret club rules… eventually. Strike balance wherever you can’t agree. If boundary-lines are being honored, allow for pointing out each other’s fault-lines. Install an accountability process. Reclaim your wants and needs. Invite deeper self-disclosure.

🌟 FIFTH: Actually unpack the baggage getting tripped by Lilith. This is your opportunity to clear out your emotional history, in real time. Shame, blame, and fears will come up. You’ll have to redefine (or learn to define) your boundaries, and redress your defense strategies while they’re being deployed.

Again, if all that feels beyond your relationship… it’s not a relationship. 

It’s a kink, a fascination that refers to unclaimed hurts and longing. 

“A relationship of any kind is a balance of power. In intimate relationships, the shift of the balance can one of the most exciting parts; however, it becomes destructive when the shift comes at the expense of one partner. Looking at the sign and house of Black Moon Lilith in your natal chart (as well as any major aspects to other planets or angles) shows you a continuum of behaviors that can either empower you to feel like an equal in a relationship or to make emotional mincemeat out of your partner or yourself.”

— Sasstrology, “Palpable Power: Lilith’s Role in Relationship Dynamics”

Does this person seem more aware than you, like they know something you don’t (and aren’t saying anything)? Does the other person blow smoke, or throw shade?

AND ALSO, what do you think you’re hiding? Where are you blowing smoke, or throwing shade? …are you thinking thoughts or performing behaviors that you’ve done in past relationships…?

ALL OF THAT… is in your blind spot.

That’s where Lilith’s gettin’ high and giving out hand jobs. 😳😬

As long as you expect to explore the relationship from darkened corners, and anticipate some disappointment and triggering, you’ll get something special from your Lilith relationship.

You’ll have to be open to seeing Lilith play out in her trademark raw, erratic way. Lilith-driven attractions and intimacies can be ambiguous. Even if you sense the potential, it might not be able to lead anywhere, or expand beyond a very narrow kind of interaction. You might want to address the issues, but the other person might not. 🤷🏻‍♀️

“People with strong Lilith energies can thrive in relationships if they admit their true, wild-inspired natures, love themselves for it, and choose partners who in their own lives can do the same. Those who have developed conscious awareness of their Lilith sides seek partners who either have strong ties to the energy in themselves or are open enough to accept the energy in others. If you find yourself in one or more ways rather like Lilith but find yourself in relationships where she is not really welcome, this is a signal of one or more things: you are not expressing Lilith, not taking responsibility for yourself, not honoring yourself first, or not recognizing that your outer reality needs to reflect your inner reality. Take any such relationship patterns as a cue to focus on your own willingness and ability to express what your true Black Moon has to say about who you truly are on the inside.”

—Tom Jacobs, “Lilith in Relationship”

BEAR IN MIND, you don’t have to identify with or have a prominent Lilith for her to come into play. Neither does the other person. With some people, our Lilith qualities are more pronounced.

At least with astrology, you can inventory the Lilith story in both of your charts, and meta-cogitate on whether you’re actually at a level of soul-maturity to breach the taboo, then decide whether the relationship would nurture you, or just throw more salt in the wound.

And you might have to be willing to discuss with the other ALL THE EXPECTATIONS you actually do have (though might pretend as if you don’t). Your own Lilith (and aspects she forms to other planets in your chart) can outline the secret territory where you will retreat to formulate revenge plots.

You might have to mutually abandon your past behavior, as well as cultural tropes about how you OUGHT to behave, or what kind of relationship it should be, as well as expectations and about where it will go, and how it will validate you (to yourself, your friends, your parents, etc.).

Obviously, all the archetypes, themes, dynamics, and the arenas parsed out and described in your synastry chart can jumpstart your subconscious, and help you better pinpoint when issues start cropping up, and where they might lead back (yay, thx, astrology!).

There remains a risk that you might come to a sad conclusion about the interaction…

…though also gain new awareness into a piece of your psyche you hadn’t even realized was in play.

Sometimes, you will play the Lilith. 

And sometimes… you just have to let people disappoint you.

Sometimes hurt and disappointment are the only way to face down our trauma and drama, get integrated, and move forward.

“In myths the hero is the one who conquers the dragon, not the one who is devoured by it. And yet both have to deal with the same dragon.

Also, he is no hero who never met the dragon, or who, if once he saw it, declared afterwards that he saw nothing. Equally, only one who has risked the fight with the dragon and is not overcome by it wins the hoard, the ‘treasure hard to attain’. He alone has a genuine claim to self-confidence, for he has faced the dark ground of his self and thereby has gained himself. This experience gives some faith and trust, the pistis in the ability of the self to sustain him, for everything that menaced him from inside he has made his own. He has acquired the right to believe that he will be able to overcome all future threats by the same means.

He has arrived at an inner certainty which makes him capable of self-reliance.”

— Carl Jung, “Psychology of Religion and Synchronicity”

REMEMBER, from an astrological perspective, you’d want to see contacts between more than just your Liliths. As long as there are pleasing, harmonious aspects between the Moon, Venus, Mars, and even Mercury (for building affinity and ease of communication), your Lilith-driven attraction has potential. 

Otherwise, if you feel an attraction, but there’s no other factors for compatibility, it might be safer to chalk the attraction up to a kink, an itch in a weird place, a tooth cavity you can’t not tongue, a tickle that makes your nerves vibrate…

…which means the connection is pure sensation, and that’s totally fine, until the dragon pops up.

MORE RESOURCES FOR EXPLORING + HEALING LILITH ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS 🐍💞

• LILITH ASPECTS IN SYNASTRY > Lilith to Sun, Moon, Venus and Mars, and compare to this article on the same: Black Moon Lilith aspects in synastry.

• LILITH IN ASPECT TO THE SUN AND MOON, PERSONAL PLANETS, and OUTER PLANETS, plus a delineation of Lilith in the SYNASTRY chart of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton! 😍🐍

• WHAT ABOUT LILITH ON LILITH? 😋👯‍♀️> Lilith conjunct, trine, square, or opposite someone else’s Lilith in a synastry chart.

• USEFUL LILITH READING LIST 📖🐍 > Ester Perel’s Mating In Capitvity: In Search of Erotic Intelligence, and also recommended in my post about natal Black Moon LilithCarolyn Elliott’s Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Unleash Your Power 🐍👻

• READY TO ALSO TRACK LILITH TRANSITS? > Tom Jacobs descriptions of transits to natal Lilith (also more links to Lilith in the Signs, Houses, and Aspects ✨)

• FYI: PRIAPUS IS THE "MASCULINE" COUNTERPART TO ASTROLOGICAL LILITH 🍆🐍 > "Priapus (h22) and Black Moon Lilith (h21) are usually seen as inextricably linked in astrology, usually because both tend to orbit on opposite ends of an axis together (though not always). Priapus is considered the perigee (closest to the Earth) and Lilith the apogee (furthest from the Earth).” Read more about a personal account of Priapus in a natal chart in this forum discussion, as well as Mystic Medusa’s write up about Priapus, “an over-sexed gardening god”, and how to find him in your own chart! 🤩

• Does your synastry show an aspect between Lilith and Chiron, the wound healer? This astrologer answers a question regarding Lilith and Chiron in a natal chart, and how it manifests in interpersonal relationships > “So, we’re looking at an aspect between the indicator of the most primal wound, as well as your most unique skill (Chiron) and Lilith, a youthful and assertive impulse that gives a confident, rebellious voice to anima energies, and who takes full charge of and responsibility for her sexual expression–and when thwarted can be more than a little vengeful.”

• FASCINATING, and a bit on-topic: a conversation on an astrology forum about Lilith in synastry, and lots of comments about Nessus (the abuse asteroid I mentioned above) in the mix.

SO BASICALLY, Black Moon Lilith in synastry indicates the potential for profound sexual bonding, and also, sympathy for where and how we need validation.

And depending on where you’re at in your own astrological cycles, and in your exploration of the archetypes you’ve charted to explore for this incarnation, you are supposed to and guaranteed to make mistakes.

I’m mentioning this, because even if you’re a “Lilith person”, or have played the Lilith, it’s important for you to know: you are lovable. 

You are here, you are part of our human family… 🤗

…and also entitled to heal and resolve mistakes you did not realize you were making.

BTW, THANK YOU FOR READING! This was a big essay!

And if you have Lilith / synastry questions, feel free to email me, and I’ll help you as best I can. ✌🏻

And if you don’t like it, you don’t have to come here. 😁

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O, hay—how about scoring a digital Lilith altar card for makin’ your phone cute ‘n taboo…?

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Your’s for subscribing to my cool newsletter! 😊

HAAAYYY! 🙌🏻✨

Synastry 101: Where to Get + How to Read a Synastry Chart (but, like, not well, ok?)

If you’ve been following along, you know I’ve been learning all about Eclipses and the Vertex point in astrology. ☺️✨

But to really get that snap-crackle-pop epiphany from analyzing the Vertex, you might need to do a little SYNASTRY > combining your and someone else’s chart (or the chart of an event or place) to see how fate, or all the rest of the solar system, intersects with your relationship. 👐🏻✨

And to cast someone else’s chart, you need their birth date, time, and location. 💫

This can get weird if you don’t know the person.

Like—you can’t do a proper synastry reading unless you know the person enough-ish to guess-timate their birth data, based on about two years’ worth of idle coffeeshop chitchat.

(And eavesdropping. 💁🏻‍♀️) 

lemme guide you through my synastry discovery process ✨, deployed to explain and further interiorize my weird eclipse moment where my vertex was activated at the exact second i was looking into someone’s eyes 🌗⚡️, and then basically the next day he yelled me out of the cafe…

…but like Lorelei and Luke in Gilmore Girls, I will not quit getting my coffee there until either the barista admits he’s an asshole or Rory graduates from Yale. 🦋✨

Just FYI > synastry is basically reading a natal chart x 2, then adding up the math the two charts make together. 

In other words, it takes a crazy fucking long time to accomplish, so tip your astrologer. 💸

ALSO, and this might just be me > most of the reference material on synastry feels hella dubious, and therefore very frustrating to apply—like, oversimplified, piecemeal, cookbook interpretations for “Venus in Libra” and “Your Mars is too confrontational if it shows up in any of these Houses on your partner’s chart”, and it’s basically impossible trying to combine all of that nonsense into a cohesive picture.

Which might actually indicate that I am definitely am amateur at synastry (+ human relating in general).

My main reference on what I’m about to pass off as synastry comes from Stephen Arroyo’s Person to Person Astrology, which is about 400 pages, and gets hella dramatic trying to emphasize having a strong understanding of the elements and modes in astrology, because the knowing the energy signatures of all the Sign-House-Aspect combinations helps you build the ability to visualize or intuit the true dynamic of a relationship (I guess). 

SO, FULL DISCLOSURE > what I’m about to teach you… is mostly garbage. 💫

but, i will show you (some semblance of) a step-by-step guide to synastry, regardless of my qualifications to do so…

…and i will mostly be focusing on karmic and erotic points between mine + the barista’s (hypothetical) synastry chart…

…and mostly in reference to my own morbid curiosity about the eclipse. 👻🔎

I’m mostly after his Vertex (+ Uranus 😉).

And maybe he’s after my Chiron (+ Neptune-Moon). 🤔☺️

And PERHAPS, all the intel I learn from his transit chart (+ after calibrating for the incompatibilities in our synastry), I will be able to finally ask him, “Hey man, did you see a blue flash in my eyes hella days ago, back in June, an Eclipse might’ve tripped your Nodes…?”

Annnnnd maybe by September the little dog that lives in his car will finally get walked! 🤩🙌🏻💫

THINGS… 

ARE… 

HAPPENING!

(Until December 4th when the Eclipse set closes out > have you been following along?? 😬)

WHAT IS A SYNASTRY CHART?

…OR BASICALLY, HOW DO WE “DO” RELATIONSHIP ASTROLOGY?

“The truth is that having a partner is, more often than not, going to bring up your problems and ‘issues’ as they have never been brought up before. Polarities force us to articulate in the outer world what may have been, previously, merely internal conflict, conscious or unconscious. The ‘two’ moves out from the ‘one.’ Partnerships are a natural mirror to our inner selves. On the whole, those inner selves are not balanced. That’s what the struggle of partnership is for.”

(Source)

A synastry chart is where one natal chart overlays another, lining up the Signs, so that we can read for the Houses and Planets between two people.

Or basically, where and how two people will influence each other, and the roles they’ll take on.

So, basically, to make a synastry chart > we’d combine our natal charts by aligning our Aries ♈️, Taurus ♉️, Gemini ♊️, et. al., and then we’d “read” the points of contact between the two charts, or basically wherever a planet or point or angle touches (or comes within close orbit of) a planet, point, or angle in the other chart. 💫

Having an understanding of each natal chart on its own is helpful, because you understand where each chart holder is at on their astrological cycles (see Barbara Hand Clow), as well as their personal needs and desires.

Then, with the synastry chart, you’d be reading to see how foreign elements from another chart intermix with that individual chart.

Because you’ve aligned the charts according to Signs, you can see how you both use and exchange this type of energy (the Sign’s vibe).

To understand where this energy (+ dynamic) plays out, you’d compare the Houses, which most often, won’t be the same.

Whose planets land in which Houses explains the type of dynamic you’ll have, and the kind of contexts / environments it’ll play out it >

“House overlays go two ways. If my Sun overlays your sixth house, for example, you will view me as useful. If my Sun interacts with your planets in a generally challenging way, you may ultimately consider me to be counter-productive or meddling. I awaken sixth house issues in you. You may feel somewhat dependent on me in the areas of routines, work, and everyday issues, especially since the Sun is a positive, yang energy, and the sixth house has a yin, receptive energy. You receive, and I give, which can set up a co-dependent relationship if other factors in the synastry between us support this.”

(Source)

Obviously, you’re going to need a working understanding of the Planets, Signs, + Houses, even if all the details and possible combos still elude you, just to be able to visualize or intuit how all these different players and elements will interact in the contexts indicated.

HEADS UP > this post helps you learn to read a natal chart, and also links you everywhere you can go to learn more.

Obviously, the amount of intel that might be gathered between two charts can be a lot, and, like—which info actually matters? 😬

Welp, that depends on the questions you’ve brought to the synastry chart, or the type of information you’re hoping to glean about your relationship potential, or about the quality of condition of a relationship you’re already in.

some questions you can ask in a synastry reading…

• Where + how are we “compatible”? Sex, domestic, business or parenting? How might it feel, what can I expect? Where might we harmonize, and aggravate?

• What are some red flags? Better said, are there any contact points or markers that might explain an intense erotic thrill (Lilith? 🐍) and also kind of not seeing the world the same way (Mercury ☿)?

• Why does this relationship feel so important, or meaningful? Do we have “contact points” between the Nodes, Chiron, or the Vertex, for example? How does this relationship align with who I am + where I’m at?

• If there aren’t any red flags per se, but agitating aspects between charts > what am I supposed to be learning from this relationship? How can the astrology re-frame the challenges, or help explain what I’m struggling with about this person? Can aspects between our charts explain this tension? Which aspects might be useful for mitigating the more challenging ones?

this post will guide you through some kind of step-by-step process for finding + interpreting a synastry chart, though it turns out, there can be a lot to scope out. 😳

There are other ways of doing relationship astrology (composite charts, or the Davison method), but a synastry chart is how I’m stalking baristas / learning to read the astrology of relationships, so that’s what I’ll be covering here. ✨

Btw—you can do a synastry reading with anyone’s chart—friends, family, coworkers, even events or locations. It’s just comparing two sets of time, dates, and locations…

HOWEVS, if you’re not already familiar with your own chart, it might be wonky trying to combine it with someone else’s. This post helps you get the jumpstart on interpreting a natal chart, which you can do for your own, then the same for the other person’s.

Once you have a grasp of each chart on its own, hit up the how-to below and cast a synastry chart. ✌🏻

ALSO, LAST THING—because the whole thing is kind of tricky, allow me to enhance the learning experience by supplying you with a convenient worksheet, so that you can draw and explore the concepts I’m about to trot out by hand!

Your’s free by subscribing to my email newsletter, which endeavors to be super infrequent, but also as cute as possible. 💌👍🏻

Free Synastry Chart Worksheet

💕✨

Free Synastry Chart Worksheet 💕✨

YAS, SUBSCRIBE ME, DO IT!

WHERE + HOW TO GET A SYNASTRY CHART

There are a couple places you can get one (including Astro.com, which I use for casting natal charts), but I prefer Astro Seek for synastry, because it also supplies autogenerated descriptions of the contact points between the charts, to measure against my own crap-ass amateur interpretations. 💕 

FIRST, VISIT ASTRO-SEEK.COM, HOVER OVER “FREE CHARTS”, AND SELECT SYNASTRY

CLICK “SYNASTRY” AGAIN FROM THE MENU IT JUMPS TO.

AT THE CALCULATOR, TYPE YOUR BIRTH DATA INTO PERSON A. DO THE SAME FOR PERSON B, WHO IS YOUR PARTNER-IN-SYNASTRY.

Okay, you’ll get a big chart graphic, and if you scroll down, there will be summary-descriptions for all your synastry aspects. There’s also an “aspects” table you can glance at, just click the gray hyperlink below the chart graphic itself.

HINT > take a screenshot or copy + paste the whole thing into a document to peruse at your leisure, or to pull out for especially emotional Mercury Retrogrades (in the Water Signs ♋️♏️♓️).

REMEMBER, THO > you have to request the Astro-Seek software also show the “quincunx” a.k.a. the most karmic aspect, which is considered a “minor” aspect (idk why, that’s for the grown-up astrologers to answer).

To get the quincunx aspects to show > Click the gray “Extended settings” hyperlink, just under the button that says CALCULATE SYNASTRY, and select “quincunx” from the aspects list. ✅

How much stock should I put into the auto-generated interpretations? > they lack voice and perspective, but don’t knock the auto-descriptions, they’re invaluable for comparing / contrasting your actual experience, and you kinda just need something to start with, even if it reads a little like a robo-cook book… with astrology recipes. 🤔😳✨

Plus, if you already know a bit about the Signs, Houses, and other placements, you can weigh in your own interpretations against the autogenerated ones, and hyper synthesize, we’re getting better all the time. 🙌🏻💫

HOW TO READ A SYNASTRY CHART…

…EVEN A HYPOTHETICAL ONE. 💁🏻‍♀️✨

This is mine + the barista’s (hypothetical) synastry chart highlighting our crazy-cute-karmic Ascendent action >

You can see the Astro-Seek synastry chart calculator lined up the Signs of our charts. Aries alongside Aries, Taurus alongside Taurus, etc.

All we have to do is circle up the “contact points,” or wherever one planet or angle or other marker connects with another in the other chart. We’d also look at the relationship Houses, and do a jaunt around the whole chart looking for other relationship indicators.

ALSO, click the tab labelled “Aspect Tables” in order to see all the aspects between your charts gridded out for you. Partner A will be in Blue and on the left hand vertical column, while Partner B will be Orange and on the upper horizontal column…

Remember, my main reference on this process has been Stephen Arroyo’s Person to Person Astrology, but at the bottom I’ll link to other references to help broaden / deepen your synastry studies (you’ll need ‘em, and there’s plenty, just keep scrollin’, just keep scrollin’ 🐟).

I also added what anonymous Internet witches suggest you look for in synastry, so you might have a lot to pick through + Google about, and therefore much to self-synthesize (instead of parenting or planning for grad school or getting off Unemployment or whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing instead of this right now, #notjudging, thx for being here 🙌🏻💫).

🌟first, get a grasp of each BIRTH chart all on its own >

This post gives you a quick how-to for parsing out birth charts, and this CafeAstrology article helps you read a nata; chart for “relationship potential,” just because.

And YA, it might take hella days reading each chart on its own. 💁🏻‍♀️

(And each, every one is worth it! 🌟)

🌟 next, make sure you have a place to store all the quotes + links you pull up >

You might be starting this project during a rained out weekend, but it might be six months before everything gels and you suddenly start feeling like a love psychic on Hinge. 💕

Also, I’ve found that I can spot + interpret charts faster if I print them out onto scratch paper, so I can circle up and draw criss-crosses, and jot down keywords—just tossin’ that out there. 💫

🌟 WHAT TO FOCUS IN ON IN YOUR SYNASTRY CHART…

EXAMINE YOUR MOONS. 🌙

Our Moons (Sign, House, + aspects) describe our temperament and inner personality—the part that seeps out when we’re sleepy or hangry or need personal time. Moons in synastry describe your potential for domestic harmony.

EXAMINE YOUR PERSONAL PLANETS. 🌸🔥

Particularly Venus + Mars, but looking at aspects between your Mercurys might be useful in understanding communication style.

CHECK YOUR “FUN”, “SIGNIFICANT OTHERS”, + “INTIMACY” HOUSES.

Which of your planets show up in each other’s Fifth (“fun”), Seventh (“significance”), OR Eighth (“intimacy”) Houses? You might show up in different Houses, or not in many of these ones, but that’s cool—aspects and other chart indicators can overrule.

FOR SERIOUSNESS, LOOK FOR CONTACTS BETWEEN-AMONGST YOUR SATURNS.

Saturn is how we build our lives, where we get our reality checks. Which House does Saturn show up in on the other person’s chart? Does your or their Saturn aspect your other planets?

LOOK FOR CONTACT BETWEEN THE CHART ANGLES (ASC, IC, DSC, MC).

The angles reveal the “directions” we’re evolving in, and are also the “antennae”. Planets beside our angles show what we “pick up” about each other.

LOOK FOR CONTACT BETWEEN THE “KARMIC” AND “DESTINY” POINTS.

Or basically, contact between each other’s Lunar Nodes and / or Vertex. Also, look for any “inconjunct” or “quincunx” aspects, a.k.a. the “growth” aspects, telling you where you will feel the most flex-release in your dynamic.

AND FOR GLITTER, LOOK FOR WHERE THE “LOVE ASTEROIDS” SHOW UP.

The main Love asteroids are Psyche (16), Eros (433), and Amor (1221), but there are more. These don’t necessarily reveal much, but it adds sheen + emphasis to wherever they’re sprinkled. You have to manually type these into the chart calculator at Astro.com, but you can click a hyperlink labelled “show love asteroids” on the chart itself to reveal the asteroids on Astro-Seek. (This article has a complete list of the Love Asteroid numbers.)

FOR SEX + LUST…

…along with Mars-Venus, look to Black Moon Lilith, the Fifth + Eighth Houses, contacts between-amongst Eros, and maybe peek at the House cusped by Scorpio, as well as other points described on this page over here. ✨…

🌟 HINT 1 > Gather all the information first, then trying to feel or visualize or intuit how all the information interacts together (a.k.a. synthesize). 💫

🌟 HINT 2 > And remember, you can also score this super convenient worksheet to help you parse out ‘n recombine your birth charts by hand (and accelerate your astro’ learning process, yo’)…!

FREE SYNASTRY CHART WORKSHEET

💕✨

FREE SYNASTRY CHART WORKSHEET 💕✨

YAS, SUBSCRIBE ME, DO IT!

Even with all this information, you might only be able to catch glimpses—like glancing into and noticing some fully decorated rooms in a house, where certain people have gathered and are interacting in whatever fashion the synastry aspects would suggest, dressed for and speaking in tones of voices commensurate with the zodiac sign of the room, while other rooms you might glance into can be totally lifeless.

Like, maybe the Venus-Mars contacts, your Moons, and even the Love Asteroids make total sense 👌🏻, but the descriptions for the karmic stuff and angles feel way too woo, or irrelevant to your realm of interests (as fair as they pertain to your partner-in-charts).

That’s fine—most of the karmic stuff and angles require you to think abstract, to think about the charts and their meanings with as little personal reference as possible. You legit have to picture the earth floating in space, or basically each chart representing how the earth looks in the Night Sky app, except two-fold, and that the symbols represent subconscious drives transcendent of our personalities that are interacting with each other through time, space, and corporeality, regardless of our preferences. 😳🤩

And there just might be no freaking way to articulate or visualize how that interaction would actually play out in any REAL LIFE scenario, as you’re actually able to articulate or visualize it. 

You also have to be willing to see yourself as an “archetype,” or taking on a role and possessing qualities you might not prefer, but might just be the case when you’re interacting with that person, and that’s un-romantic as hell. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Skip all the confusing stuff, and take this general advice for chart interpretation (from Arroyo’s other book) > “Even if you feel that you understand only a small part of a chart, follow what you do understand and it will lead you into the structure and major themes of the rest of the chart. And don't worry about doing a 'complete chart interpretation,' for it is impossible. Instead of getting lost in the endless details of a chart, it is better to focus on what is important in the person's nature and life and on what kind of person he or she is.”

OKAY, SO > focus on what makes sense, and realize you’ll never get to the “end” of the chart.

(Trust me, the Eclipse triggering this whole project happened in June and I’m only just posting it to the secret page in August. 🙌🏻✨)

OKAY, let’s go step-by-step and pretend we’re doing synastry! 😎

✨ For Stephen Arroyo, the elements (🜂🜃🜁🜄 ) give you the most info in terms of compatibility….

“The four elements in a birth chart reveal the ability to participate in certain realms of being and to tune in to specific fields of life experience. These elements have nothing to do with the elements of chemistry and in fact transcend them completely. The astrological birth chart is drawn for the exact moment of the first breath, that instant when we immediately establish an attunement and a rhythm with the cosmic energy sources. The birth chart therefore reveals our individual energy pattern, our attunement to the four elements.”

If you cast your birth chart through Astro.com or CafeAstrology (not Astro-Seek, as I have demonstrated in this post), the chart includes an “elements” graphic showing at-a-glance where the planets are distributed amongst the elements. 💫

For me, pour moi > I’ve got that Fire 🔥+ Earth 🪨, and I’m Scorpio forward. ♏️💧

The barista’s hypothetical chart ✨> murky Water vibes 💧where his Sun, Moon, and Saturn dwell, with asteroids and math points speckling Fire and Air, and Earth almost totally deserted but for Mars.

I’m not totally sure what this means, but only because all of my questions aren’t really asking after compatibility (I want significance! I want meaning!), but typically, we’re attracted to people with charts emphasizing the element we lack most in our own charts.

So, I might be achey for his Air vibes (Gemini Rising means that he leads with Air 🜁), while he might (if at all) be elementally attracted by my gravity, a.k.a. my earthy Moon and Mars, et. al. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This article offers an intro-tutorial on elemental compatibility in synastry, this CafeAstrology article provides a “score guide to  “synastry points” 🤣, and this might be totally random, but I love it > Are You Attracted to the Element You Lack? ( 🙋🏻‍♀️🜁 )

✨ ALSO FOR arroyo, the moons are paramount 🌙 … 

“First of all, the Moon has much to do with the non-intellectual, non-rational mental functioning—influencing our thinking fear more than many would like to admit. When we say, ‘I feel that…,’ we are speaking from our Moon’s attunement and acknowledging that, although what we are saying is not necessarily provable or logical, we are comfortable with that viewpoint. The Moon likewise reveals much about how at home one is with oneself—how inwardly secure one is. The Moon’s location and element are intimately related to what one needs in order to feel right about oneself. In addition, the Moon especially refers to the feelings or instinctive heavier we are most comfortable expressing in a social situation.”

(Stephen Arroyo, Person to Person Astrology)

What matters to Stephen Arroyo is compatibility between both Moons’ elements > traditionally, Fire-Air 🔥💨 and Earth-Water 🪨💦 are considered harmonious, while Water-Water 💦, Earth-Earth 🪨, et al, are consider most “compatible.”

Also remember, you’re probably not gonna tick all the boxes for mega astro compatibility, even if your Moons suggest otherwise, simply because “chilling at home together” might not be what your goal or preferred relationship style (Venus placement will tell you more).

SO > make note + take screenshots of your Moons in synastry, and remember they represent your core temperaments, a.k.a. the version of yourself that emerges when you’re craving your mother or a friendly therapy dog, not necessarily when you’re craving satiation for your sexual angst. (Right? Right. 👌🏻)

Remember, you can also read for aspects, or the “interaction” between your Moons, if the elemental compatibility leaves you thirsty—easily provided by the Astro-Seek autogenerated synastry software (thank god).

Here’s what’s up for mine + the barista’s (hypothetical) Moons in aspect compatibility, which doesn’t look great, but I don’t hate (#wealth #powersagas #plutonian) 🤷🏻‍♀️ …

So, our Moons in synastry do not paint a picture of domestic harmony. 🌙❎

Remember though, we’re not just accounting for the Moons in themselves, but also how the Moons interact amongst other planets between charts.

PAR EXEMPLE > here’s what I liked from a different astrologer found via Google (about my Mars squaring his Moon) 😘 >

“Moon/Mars contacts can be very hot, sometimes too hot, because the Mars person’s sexuality penetrates (um…no other word I can use here) the other person’s psyche. The Moon rules the soma, the physical body as it relates to the psyche, so when Mars is interacting with the Moon, there are both physical and psychological stirrings that can be very intense. Mars is being turned on by the Moon person’s entire being. There can be an almost ferocious bonding, and issues surrounding nurturing can come up for both people. Anger, too. Sometimes Mars cuts deep, and the sexual relationship can make the Moon person aware of unconscious issues from the past. The Moon can feel uncomfortable because it feels too exposed. Mars will sense the withdrawal, and either retreat or pursue. This contact is intense, but not easy to live with unless there are other, calming factors between them.”

OKAY SO > account for aspects between not just your Moons, but between your Moons and other planets / angles / other curious markers! ☝🏻

Start here > this blog has a great database on Moon aspects in synastry.

Okay, but what kind of aspects (or “interactions”) should I be looking for, though? 🤔> trines ( 🜂 ) + sextiles ( ✱ ) are more appreciative aspects, meaning you can facilitate those planet-qualities in each other, whereas squares ( ▫️) + quincunxes ( ><) are the “lesson oriented” interactions, meaning you might frustrate each other here.

And one of the special opportunities provided by a synastry reading is being able to hone in on and decide whether those “lesson oriented” aspects are worth the frustration. 💁🏻‍♀️☺️

Also, this is a good argument for cross-layering your references on interpretation. 🙌🏻

✨ …and what about compatibility between mars + venus? ⚤

Venus + Mars are considered the magic attractor-factors in synastry, though the explanations and interpretations skew towards the astrologer’s point of view on sexual orientation and gender roles, and that can get kind of complicated and frustrating.

SUPPOSEDLY, Mars operates differently in a man’s chart versus a woman’s, and there are many opinions and schools of thought for how you might read for one in one chart versus another.

Here’s the deal > Venus represents our parasympathetic attractiveness, or basically, how we attract automatically, without having to think about it at all, whereas Mars represents our sympathetic force, or how we compose ourselves to achieve, secure, or win over.

According to astrology lore, you want aspects (or interactions) between your Venus-Mars where they can operate by design, as in, this chart’s Mars finds a perfect target in this chart’s Venus. 🎯

Generally, the idea is that your Venus-Mars won’t compete, but collaborate. 👐🏻✨

“More than any other factor in astrology, Venus reveals one’s tastes—be they aesthetic, romantic, or sensual—as well as the resulting modes of sharing one’s finer feelings and affections. Mars, I should add, also symbolizes a component of one’s erotic tastes, specifically one’s sexual tastes and the quality of energy that motivates sexual desire. Together Venus and Mars represent the energy attunement of one’s erotic nature and each individual’s more intense personal and passionate feelings. Whereas Venus shows most specifically the relationship needs and mode of sharing (giving and receiving) with others, Mars reveals the energy level of the sey drive and the modus operandi of going after what or whom one desires, as well as how the sexual energy is the most naturally expressed.”

(Also Stephen Arroyo)

But what if there isn’t much contact between the obvious hot buttons in a chart? > even if your Moons or Venus-Mars are incompatible, or you don’t have any planets showing up in their Fifth or Seventh Houses, or you suspect someone else in closer proximity to your crush might actually have a cuter Venus (and that feels like fucking hell 🔥), you have to take the whole synastry chart into account.

In fact, some of the sexiest synastry might not have any actual “relationship” potential (like—can’t even picture them making chitchat while waiting for a train), and some of the cutest-couple synastry might not have anything hot about them at all (like—they’re definitely having “fur babies”).

Basically, reading for Venus-Mars in synastry speaks to platonic, give-take qualities, your chemistry and common ground, but doesn’t speak to the potential, purpose, or meaning of the relationship. ☝🏻

But remember, not every romantic or sexual relationship you enter will be able to hit all the hot buttons or “longterm relationship” markers in a synastry chart, so stay open to the markers that are there, and what they tell you, versus obsessing about what could have been there. 😳

“There is, undoubtedly, a nice give and take between these two planets, but they don’t, in and of themselves, offer intimacy, openness, or emotional bonding. They are, purely and simply, about attraction, and desire, and they can grow cold very easily without the rest of the charts to buoy them up.”

(Source)

For me, pour moi, I appreciate the Venus-Venus in our (hypothetical) synastry for what it reveals about sexual style + compatibility (via Plutonic Desire) > Mars in Earth Signs (♉️♑️) needs and delivers stamina, a slow approach, sensuousness, plays to a “Mommy / Daddy” or “Master / Mistress” dynamic, and tends to incorporate bondage and power play. ☺️🕊✨

I went through this a few times with charts from my ex-husband, ex-lovers, and friends-I-want-to-fuck, and it was either generally accurate, or felt promising (read as: validates my erotic intuitions ✨).

(I say more in the upcoming secret post about Black Moon Lilith attractions and synastry, so, stick around. 👍🏻)

And that concludes what I think it most useful about the Venus-Mars in synastry. 👐🏻

To help you research your Venus-Mars contact points > how to read YOUR Venus in THEIR Houses, YOUR Mars in THEIR Houses (my Mars♂ in his Twelfth House makes me either the barista’s “Spiritual Catalyst” or “Total Un-Doing”, well well well... ☺️), and Venus-Mars aspects in SYNASTRY (aspects between your / their Mars-Venus).

✨ also, ‘inconjunct’ or quincunx aspects are key, a.k.a. karmic…

“Hard aspects between charts provide the stimulus for growth between two people. They cause us to challenge our assumptions, and see the world (and our planets) in new ways. When we’re younger, we assume that everyone is like us (or our families); once we get into our mid- to late-twenties, we learn that isn’t true and we want to see what else is out there. Hard aspects between charts push us to open our eyes and our heart. Hard aspects from another’s chart to Mercury will shake up our assumptions and thought patterns. Hard aspects to Venus teach us lessons about how we express love and whether or not that love is communicated in a way the other person understands. This stimulation might be uncomfortable, but it’s always compelling.”

(Source)

Aspects basically describe the “relationship” between the planets (+ angles, + other markers) in a chart, or between two charts.

Trines and sextiles between charts are considered “soft” or “easy”, meaning you might appreciate + facilitate these qualities in each other.

Squares, oppositions, and quincunxes, on the other hand, feel frustrating—sometimes in a very appealing way, because it feels like a force-flex, tense-release dynamic. 😉

Also, challenging aspects are considered a bit karmic. You’re working through soul-level tensions, perhaps erotically, the way nature intended? 🌺🌟

Conjunctions, or planets side-by-side in a synastry chart, indicate the intensity + accessibility of those two energies in your relationship—not necessarily that those two players are collaborating well.

Which is funny (kinda), just because you can feel the enthusiasm in so many online astrology articles about finding conjunctions in a chart (I “whoop” out loud every time I find one), but this astrologer muses that Romeo and Juliet might have had tons of conjunctions in their synastry, so, there ya go 😳🥀 >

“A conjunction can behave as if it’s complete within itself. But within the conjunction itself, all is not peaceful. Each of the planets will fight for supremacy; they will tussle with one another over who has the purest expression.”

SO, if you have any aspects between “relationship” planets in your synastry, those planets and their themes are probably what you’re feeling in this relationship, and if you have challenging aspects, those energies are probably what you’re working out together. 💫

HINT 1 for interpreting aspects in synastry > use the handy graphic that Astro Seek provides, so you can spot your meaningful aspects at-a-glance (versus trying to figure them out from the knot of lines in the middle of the chart).

HINT 2 for interpreting aspects in synastry > you actually must select for the chart calculator to show ‘quincunx’ aspects (considered a “minor” aspect), on the same page where you enter the birth data on Astro-Seek. Before clicking “show chart”, click the gray-colored hyperlink inviting you to adjust for aspects. I didn’t know or care about this until reading that the quincunx aspect is considered the most useful, “mega-karmic” aspect, and now it’s the main aspect I look for. 💁🏻‍♀️

Read more about the types of aspects to focus on in synastry, and read here for more about the Quincunx. 💫✨

Also, this article offers some interpretations for inconjunct or quincunx planets! Make a list of all your inconjunct planets, then hit it up > that’s a dossier on all you + your crush’s “karmic” dynamic! 🤩

✨ reading for the relationship houses in synastry…

“I have found it easiest to think about it this way: When somebody’s Sun or Moon (or other planet) falls in a particular house in my natal chart, it is much like that person has the effect of a permanent transit to that house in my natal chart! If your Sun falls in my eighth house, for example, when I interact with you, it is somewhat like the Sun is transiting my eighth house, highlighting and illuminating 8th house issues for me. Similarly, if my Sun falls in your third house, I have a similar effect on your life as the Sun transiting your third house.”

(Source)

When we look at the First, Fifth, Seventh, and Eighth Houses in a natal chart, we learn your relationship POTENTIAL, whereas in synastry, which of your planets shows up in each other’s relationship houses says something about the type of relationship you’ll have. ✨ 

Here are the Mad Libs-style keywords I’d use to describe the “meaning” of the relationship houses >

First House = “presentation”, Fifth House = “play”, Seventh House = “relate”, Eighth House = “merge”. 💫

For instance, as far as interpreting “relationship potential” > Aries on my Fifth House of Self-Love + Fruition housing my Sun (persona) + Jupiter (hype) indicates… my personality is basically sex play. (Jk)

Aries is assertive (Cardinal) Fire 🔥, and wants to play, tussle, explore, and do new things together, fast, and soon. Usually whether a relationship forms afterward or not depends on how well we play together, and whatever we designate the relationship as depends on our play style.

For the barista ✨> Libra, assertive Air 🌬on the Fifth House indicates a need for social compatibility, and to relate through shared interests and mutual self-expression, and that (contrary to his atrocious Lilith placement, see more under stalking with synastry below 💕), dating itself is a critical prelude to sex…

BUT… having Pluto (in retrograde) here might also suggest shady dating history > the “shadow side” of Libra, such as dating with artifice (lies) and mental manipulation, i.e. love bombing. 

(Pluto shows where our secrets sleep. 🤫)

Okay, so that’s how you would read for the Fifth House in terms of dating preference…

But what if you don’t show up in each other’s relationship houses? Or in the “wrong” Houses, the ones you don’t want to show up in? 🤔> focus on where you do show up, and whether the action happening in there speaks to your astro queries (and what you want out of that attraction). 🌟

Like—the barista and mine’s Fifth Houses don’t speak to much dating compatibility ❎, my Saturn shows up in his Seventh House (partnerships, so, great for marriage and business ✅), his Ascendent lands in my Eighth House (sex), straddled by my Chiron (wound) and Vertex (destiny), and my Moon-Neptune land in his Eighth House, which I love the description of to the point where I want someone’s Moon-Neptune in mine 😩)

Also, just a bit of trivia > planets in your relationships houses are “predictors” for the type of people you’d most like to heavy pet (5th), have a long affair with (8th), or marry for god and country (7th).

FOR EXAMPLE, the Sign on or planets in your Seventh House tend to show up in the First House of the person you first marry, or consider your first “significant other.” I have Mars in my Seventh House and my first husband has Mars in his First House. 😳

ALSO—the Sign / planets in your Ninth House hint at your next significant relationship > I have Lilith in the Ninth, while the barista has Lilith close hovering by his Midheaven, or the apex of the chart, it’s like astrology is a wise old auntie who knows the real scoop behind everything… 🤯😅

(ALSO also, I notice the barista has no planets in his Seventh House, but Neptune almost conjunct his Descendent, indicating he might be permanently waiting on the One to come into his life, but like—an impossible One. (Intrigued? Love this article on natal Neptune and our “divine discontent.” 👌🏻)

ALSO, REAL FAST, YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS > the Sign on your Eighth House might say something about your favorite type of sex. (Gemini on the Eighth ♊️> I have a proclivity for menage á trois involving twins and double penetration that’s real AF—Idc, know it, tell the world, come find me! 🎉✨)

Reading for Planets in each other’s “relationship houses” > The First, Fifth, Seventh, + Eighth Houses, and what they mean in synastry. 

✨ reading for saturn in synastry… 🪐💕

“Everyone knows the short answer to this question: for an important, long term relationship, we need Saturn contacts (any and many) combined with Sun/Moon in any array of combinations.”

(Source) 

If longterm means anything to you, or you’re looking at how or where or why to build someone or a relationship with them into your life, then Saturn contacts are where to look.

For me, the barista’s crazy-aspected Saturn lands in my Ninth House of Higher Pursuits (where my Lilith is currently stalking him ☺️), while my Saturn-Uranus lands in his Seventh House of Relationships.

Who “feels” the other—does the planet person feel the House person, or vice versa? > many astrologers suggest that the barista would feel my Saturn in his “relationship zone,” and I’d feel his in my “going the distance” zone.

When are you feeling it? > supposedly with synastry, it’s like you’re being “transited” by that person, so you might feel it best and most in each other’s company, and I expect when thinking about or reflecting about the areas of your life where they impact you, indicated by the House overlays.

What would “Saturn” feel like, exactly? > Saturn feels solid, like the real world. In my Ninth House of Higher Pursuits, it feels like someone getting into the car that everyone else in the car isn’t totally sure about—I guess this Lilith picks up hitchhikers, does he know what he’s in for, does she??

From Detroit Rock City (watching this trailer won’t make you better, it’s basically just so you understand I’m referencing a 90s teen movie right now) > “They make scary movies that start out like that!” “But dude, pornos also start out like that!” 🤩🤣

(Btw—Natasha Lyonne is obviously my true-life Lilith. 🐯🐍)

ANYWAY, My Saturn in the barista’s hypothetical Seventh House of Partnerships + Enemies > which might feel either hella reassuring, or disgusting—depends on how much “solidity” and “security” factor into his relationship / sex needs.

I’m guessing that for someone not stalking the other with astrology apps, my Saturn might register for him as > “I get a vibe that I could trust her with my PIN number.”

ALSO, what I know for sure from deep-researching a potentially wrong natal chart for the stranger I’m fascinated with > his Saturn aspects ev-vur-ree-thenggg.

Saturn is runnin’ his chart. 🥺

Like—”uh oh, dad’s home” all day, every day.

Basically, my Saturn would feel too heavy no matter which House it showed up in his chart, and goes for everyone (o snap).

HOWEVER… my chart has a Joker up its sleeve (or something) > my Lilith (taboo, erotic thrills) on his Saturn in his Second House of Self-Worth and Personal Value. 😍

Also having Saturn in my own Second House (cuuute), I can sympathize that feeling anybody’s Lilith in this place (self-worth / value) would trigger most if not all of my most ruthless self-protection strategies.

But also—I wonder, would the Lilith vibe actually help me lower those defenses? 🤔✨

…through the erotic supplication of bygone insecurity dramas…?

“Lilith conjunct Saturn: Patriarchy, structure and order meet non-conformism in the most dramatic manner. The Saturn person, unable to impose anything on Lilith, experiences a shock in their system as they descend into a vortex of hidden fears, leading to a de-programming of their karmic habits. It is one of the most dangerous and karmic interactions, it can lead to brutality. Sexuality is dark and powerful, obsessions can become serious. Karma is very heavy and carries the hardness of Saturn, extremely compelling. People may not be separated from each other.”

(Source)

I’m gonna dig deeper into the barista’s Lilith in the next section, which seems dead-on for his hypothetical chart (if nothing else does 👌🏻)…

Meanwhile, go here to learn more about Saturn aspects in synastry, and here for descriptions of Saturn in each other’s Houses, and how that might add commitment or structure to your hypothetical relationship. 💕

✨ reading for the angles in synastry…

The angles in a chart, starting on the left-hand side and moving down and to the right, are the Ascendent, IC, Descendent, and MC a.k.a. Midheaven.

(Psst—if the chart were a compass, it would read > Asc = west, IC = south, Dsc = east, + MC = north. 💫)

I’m brushing over the angles, because they tie into the “karmic points” section immediately following, but they need to get mentioned, because the angles describe where we feel each other >

“The angles act as a kind of magnetic antennae; we not only sense the world (and others) through them, but they act as a gateway for the evolution of our consciousness. No wonder they play a key role in drawing potential partners to us.”

(Source)

What am I looking for on the angles? > first, just note if there are any contacts between your planets or other markers on the angles.

On any angle (ASC, IC, DSC, MC) > the Sun feels warm, accepting, and celebratory (this angle celebrates who you are), the Moon brings feelings of intimacy and understanding, Mercury means you get each other and each other’s POV, Venus contacts to any of the angles bring beauty, loveliness, and pleasure to the area the angle regulates, and Mars activates whatever angle it lands near.

“On the whole, inner planets to angles are a positive thing, unless the planet is very troubled in the other chart. We get to know that planet intimately through another being. The planet person feels that planet enhanced and made stronger and louder through the contact. All aspects matter, but mainly we should be paying attention to the conjunction (and, by natural course, the opposition) and the square. These connections get even juicier if the planet involved is also an angle ruler, particularly of the Ascendant or Descendant.”

(Read more about and get linked to more resources about planets on the angles in synastry over here. 💕)

Both the barista and I (hypothetically) share a “double-whammy” of Vertex-Ascendent placements (fate 💫)—but literally every bit of astrological lore offered on Vertex relationships caution against leaping into them as though they might become a Disney princess movie.

Though, in general, you want aspects between your Ascendents in synastry (especially double-whammies—where your charts flip flop or reciprocate aspects!), but the Vertex in particular signals a destined attraction, not necessarily a relationship.

Having the Vertex or Point of Destiny on the Ascendent specifically  >

“Vertex activation by transit or synastry heralds the entrance of a person or event that is karmically pointed. Something or someone enters our lives in order to steer us in the direction of our own greater good, something to keep us on task or put us back on track if we’re straying. This can be a positive epiphany, a stressful can of worms, or anything in between. The timing of such encounters is indicated by the activation of the vertex. A contact transit to the vertex, a conjunction, or to its opposite point, the anti-vertex, is the key that opens this gate. This timing can be observed in the natal chart as a transit. It could be seen in the progressed chart as a transit to the progressed vertex, or it can be a progressed planet activating the natal vertex.”

(Source)

✨ reading for the karmic stuff in synastry…

“Karmic” stuff focuses on the woo markers, like the Vertex, or Chiron and the Outer Planets (Uranus, Neptune, Pluto), because these hint at fatefulness, either because of timing, or because they set the background tone for hella years of your life, or because the transits coincide with chronological age (such as Chiron Return).

So basically, karmic stuff is where you look for the “why” or “meta” to an attraction or relationship. ✨

In the Astro-Seek chart calculator, it codes karmic contact points as “key,” and provides an auto-interpretation of your general compatibility, based on Planets, Aspects, and Signs.

Our relationship was coded “key” in the synastry chart with my ex-husband, because our overlapping Chirons were co-triggered by the 2011 Eclipse 🌗...

...but when you look at for compatibility in the rest of the chart. 👎🏻

Actually—the auto generated interpretation on Astro-Seek does a great job summarizing the synastry placements in a way that validates much of my experience IN my last relationship, so, that’s cool. 💁🏻‍♀️

Astro-Seek also coded mine + the barista’s (pretend ✨) synastry as “key,” because of my Vertex on his Ascendent and HIS Vertex on MY Ascendent (oh my gaaawd 💕)…

Also because of the timing of his Chiron Return + oncoming Renaissance Decade (more below ✨)…

PLUS the hyper-fateful Eclipse trigger. 🙀🌗🌀

“In synastry, Chiron contacts indicate that healing can be achieved through your union. The planet person may (inadvertently) push Chiron’s buttons, or vice-versa, reminding him of past hurts he has been carrying throughout his life. Indeed, Chiron’s energy is both healing, and painful. The Chiron person has the ability to cleanse the planet person’s wound and guide them away from what has been hurting them.”

(Source)

SO THEN, who represents Chiron and who’s the “planet person”? 🤔> I’ve been wondering after this question, because MY Chiron was triggered (with my Destiny Point 💫), so this attraction ought to be striated with painful remembering…

I don’t have any upcoming Chiron transits (see Chiron for your dates), although transiting Chiron tripped my North Node (higher purpose) simultaneous to the Eclipse trigger on my actual Chiron. 🤯

Meaning, there’s Chiron vibes for me in here, so there might be some kind of thematic crossovers in our soul-wound experiences.

BECAUSE the barista definitely has a Chiron transit coming 💫, and the emergence of my shy and weird focused attention might be a catalyst and emulsifier to what is sure to be a shit-on-your-heart corridor of experience. ❤️‍🩹

But also, he’s on the threshold of (mebbe) tapping into personal peace, fruition, and truth—of re-shifting the weight of his private suffering.

And I am involved ✨ to a still unknown degree, perhaps as some kind of metaphorical (and erotic) bloodletting…?

SO BASICALLY, based on the wonky synastry our (weird) relationship (if one happened) would be > (1) linked during a key passage or life corridor, (2) tender-possessive with a Repressed Pater-Bratty Lolita vibe (explaining why the attraction feels compulsory + scary—like walking through the hospital entrance for scheduled surgery), and (3) thwarted by our separate heavy loads of emotional baggage, control dramas, and intimacy issues… 😔😫

(…some of which will be indicated in my next secret tutorial about Chiron. 🤩✨)

Obviously, the karmic-astro stuff is hyper-woo, but if you’re feelin’ it, these have been the most useful articles > The Vertex versus (or in combination with) the Nodes in SYNASTRY 🌟Chiron in synastry, because my Vertex point is codependent on my Chiron 🌟also, contact points to look for in SIGNIFICANT (tho not necessarily long term) relationships.

…okay, wait, what part of the synastry explains the blue flash tho?? 🌗⚡️

Perhaps the flash I saw was Uranus (because his is so close to my Asc? 🤔), or it was the Eclipse “passing over us” and triggering his South Node + my Vertex-Chiron, because of this quote >

“Often, Vertex contacts come into our lives, deliver their message, and then disappear just as quickly as they came, leaving us altered in a profound way, but a bit shattered. Can’t get more Uranian than that–Uranus of the higher mind, beyond mere mortality/physicality. The lover or friend who comes ‘out of the blue’ and happens to put us on our path, who helps us know who are we when we are not our earth-created ego, we when we are not our ‘stuff.’ Like the Nodes, the Vertex reveals the soul’s intent, but it is confined to “Who am I?” Who is the inner Watcher, the one who knows? What happens when we discover that the guide to whom we attribute our luck and our grace and our inner wisdom is truly ourselves? This is the Vertex as the deepest part of “I.” When someone’s planet falls on either end of this axis, we cannot remain unaware of this Soul-Self. We are stricken to the core, so that even the core is newly altered.

In contrast, the Nodes are all about our interaction with the world ‘out there.’ Because they consist of the relationship of the Sun and the Moon from the point of view of the Earth, they are about the way our spiritual intent unfolds within material reality. They mark how we process our experience, and what we learn from it. The South Node describes our orientation to life, which is ingrained in us. It’s our habitual way of acting in the world, interacting with it, understanding it. It is the result of lifetimes of negotiating the ‘I’ with the ‘not I,’ the ego with the other. The South Node tells us which colour and pattern we use to filter our experience. The South Node says to us, this is they way the world works, and this is what I know”–only it doesn’t do it consciously. Most often we’re not aware of the way we filter experience, and we assume that others process the world the same way we do–their experience is our experience. And then one day (usually around the time of the first nodal return at age 19) we realize that isn’t really true. We begin to see differences in perception–and this is the beginning of the road towards the North Node.”

(Source)

SO, calibrating expectations. 💫

As is the case with karmic or fateful attractions, the “success” or meaning of it depends on specific, worldly circumstances conspiring to make the relationship happen…

BUT > even comparing only your natal synastry (birth charts), you’d only see a static idea about the relationship potential, and mostly decrypted based on your own unconscious projections (as the astrologer) on the the potential.

So, a PROGRESSED synastry chart ✨would help you look for “fateful” triggers that switched the relationship on (or off), or striated the mood or feeling of the attraction.

My Eclipse Moment is basically a story about fateful astrology triggers, and we’ll probably know by the end of the Eclipse series, December 2021, if a “relationship” was what was triggered, or just a shit-ton of funky research. 💫)

At the time of writing this, I’ve barely waded into chart progressions, and ya, the barista + mine’s progressed synastry chart reads like an epic poem on spiritual healing, erotic splendor, and maybe something secret-taboo whirling like eels around the ankles of the barista’s inner Patriarch, and I cannot wait to dig into it (next week / two months from now). 😜👻🐍

WHY THIS IS “STALKING” WITH SYNASTRY

OKAY, SO > barista hollered at me. 😳💁🏻‍♀️

Dude, he yelled at me like I represented every asshole in the world, the IRS combined with the boogey man come for his little dog, or as if I’d just rolled up like >

My gut was telling me (this is a skateboarding analogy, sorry) > he is feeling the way I feel when I’ve set off down a steep hill and going so fast I won’t be able to stop without biffing it on the pavement, so I have to dive sideways off the board onto the dirt patch on the side of the street, bc we live in a municipality and there aren’t any sidewalks in the residential zones… 💫

I THINK… he panicked.

I don’t think he actually felt offended, criticized, or even believed I was judging him when I asked about his little dog.

I don’t think his anger or sense of danger was real, or like—activated.

I think… he was actually elated—literally thinking “hooray! sex trap! 🎉” for about three seconds.

Until his dilapidated psyche hooked in. 👻❌

Because after he shout-lectured at me > landing on “AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO COME HERE…” I interrupted, “…that’s true,” and he deflated, and his mouth turned downward like he was gonna cry or puke or both, idk, he basically looked like someone just handed him his draft notice (something my uncles say).

AND MAYBE THIS IS ONLY BECAUSE OF MY LILITH (see below), but instead of becoming a “Karen” / Volcano Monster from the end of Fantasia and threatening to report him to a coffeeshop embassy (that may or may not exist ✨), I inwardly collapsed and also tried not to puke or cry.

Because… I got yelled at?

Alone! 😩

By a stranger I offered a good deed towards, and idk, I thought he liked me, wtf…?

now we have to talk about nessus, a.k.a. the “abuse” asteroid… 😔

OKAY, so this is why it’s stalking with synastry > I went to pull up the transit chart for that day (when the barista yelled), and because I had just started getting into asteroids, I had thrown a bunch of random “asteroid numbers” for the software to calculate.

Well, the software cast the barista’s transits for that day, but with “extra” letters in one of the angular Houses, indicating an asteroid I wouldn’t have seen the previous times I’d casted his chart.

And here’s what I saw > on the day he yelled me out of the store, the Sun was conjunct his Nessus. 😳

Simultaneously, transiting Nessus (the asteroid in the sky presently) was within a 4° orb of his own Sun*.

(*On this hypothetical birth chart.)

OMG! …what does that mean? 🤔> when transiting planets (or asteroids, etc.) connect with our charts (especially a conjunction a.k.a. coming side-by-side), we usually experience coincidental events that bring memories and lessons of that body top of mind. 🌀

And when there is a simultaneous trigger, like with the asteroid Nessus coincidentally transiting the same Planet as it is transiting the natal asteroid, you can safely assume synchronicity is afoot. ✨✨✨

SO, BASICALLY > we might guess that on this day he yelled at me, the barista also become totally conscious of whatever is represented by Nessus. 

Btw, Nessus is the “abuse” asteroid. 🤭

This post is definitely not about Googling for abuse asteroids (but stay subscribed)…

But because Nessus in in an angular House (= a “strong push” in our chart), and also in Gemini ♊️(a big theme in my personal Eclipse Story [also his Eclipse Story I guess? 🤔])…

I went to Google to find a description of Nessus in Gemini ♊️, and what I found fits him like a slipper 🩰>

“Nessus in Gemini: Can be obsessed with winning arguments and debates, getting their way via persuasion, and overall being heard. This is the person in love with their own voice. Control usually is obtained over others with verbal abuse and trickery. Cycles of abuse/control are broken when they speak up for themselves, get help from a support network, and when they share their story. There is an association with ‘exposing the truth’ or at least their side of a situation/story. Trust issues revolve around lies and infidelity.”

(Source)

[Side note > I hella love his voice, it sounds like the human version of a pan flute band multiplied by Jumanji, whatever that means for you. 💫]

[UGH STOP TALKING ABOUT HIS VOICE > it sounds like river rocks tumbling against each other in a chamois lined bag… 💕

and when he’s yelling at you… being throttled with that bag. ❌]

[Without the astrology, how would we be able to appreciate the irony? 💕]

Anyway, everyone has a Nessus, okay? > when I looked up mine, I realized my Nessus placement describes something totally done to me while at my most vulnerable, while also being something I might totally do in self-defense. 🤭

Like—my Nessus placement rhymes with specific abusive behaviors I recognize being done to me, and that I might do to others if I felt defenseless against them > the abused wielding the abuser’s weapons. 

What’s useful about the “abuse” asteroid is that it becomes an analogy for noticing + becoming aware about the ways we try to self-protect, and are totally unaware that we’re being abusive, or outright aggressive.

Just sayin’.

Basically, we can talk about Nessus to become enlightened about this particular sort of blind spot in our psyches (thx again, astrology). 

To re-equalize things, here’s my own Nessus description, NESSUS in VIRGO ♍️> “Here we see someone obsessed with organization, neatness, routine, health, work, or overall perfection. This Nessus is associated with abuse in health or service.They control others with doubt, unhelpful criticism, playing off insecurities, and relentless nit-picking. Cycles of abuse are broken by concentrating on healing, maybe physical, emotional, spiritual, or all of the above. Standing up for themselves may be needed, but finding the inner healer, other healers, and an atmosphere of “health” is needed. Trust issues revolve around “being good enough”. They fear showing their flaws to loved ones or being called out or unloved due to their imperfections or flaws.” (Source)

(This page shows you how to find your own Nessus, but maybe don’t, it won’t be on the test.  ✌🏻)

OKAY, SO THEN > if the Eclipse really did trip the barista’ South Node (as his hypothetical chart suggests) > these Sun-Nessus transits would coincide with the awareness of + beginning process for closing out old behavior, perhaps inspired by shitty childhood treatment interlaced with his Chiron wounding, accounting for his sudden alertness for my Chiron-Vertex emerging onto the scene of his weird life…. 🤔✨

Perfect. This is all totally on-theme.  🌗

But obviously, then, the barista is working out some of his own janky karma. 🌀

BECAUSE from the barista’s POV (since he is NOT stalking me with astrology apps, + therefore has no frame of reference for this miraculous woo that’s unfolding) > his hollering at me fucking thwarted an opportunistic moment alone with a single MILF who eye-fucked his tattoos—

meaning he was already at the finish line, all he had to do was show up + be game… ⚾️ (taunting “daddy issues” reference… Saturn drama… 🐍🐍🐍)

…but instead, he panicked and threatened me, then immediately regretted his choice, because he hid his car and changed his schedule to trick me into returning to the store….

Whereupon… nothing happened. ❌

Opportunities to clear the air or re-approach our weird stand off are submerged in these “stage-y” conversations with his coworkers, where I think he’s hoping I’ll catch hints he’s dropping (maybe?), but are mostly lost in the din + clatter of the busy cafe environment (+ bc my kid keeps bashing her head into furniture there, so, I’m not catching all of the performance 🤷🏻‍♀️). 

YET, instead of in any way clearing the air LIKE AN ADULT (says the one blogging about the incident 👩🏻‍💻) > he went about triangulating me against a coworker he was having casual sex with, who might have intended to leverage their coupling so she could move out of her housing situation with her ex-partner / current roommate, and I have an ookey-feeling the barista wedged my awkward haunting of the cafe between him and his coworker to evade these consequences, although that exact scenario might actually suit the rest of his chart (which we can’t dig into, it’ll take me hella weeks to get through), and my obsession with the blue flash might have actually thwarted an otherwise very useful situation…. ?

But what if that’s what Fate tripping his South Node might be about?? > quitting a “sex with benefits” routine that helps everybody get some version of what they want, but only breathes toxic fumes onto the secret underground fires of our collective intimacy issues (just thoughts)? 🤔

From Stephen Arroyo >

“In the West today, ‘intimacy’ of one kind of another is promoted by many forces (mass media, academic fads, music videos, coed dorms, and so forth), which make unformed youth erect barriers and images and pretenses to protect the fledgling self from in-depth threatening interactions. The mass media sells ‘intimacy’ and portrays it as quickly and cheaply achievable (ignoring the effort, emotional risk-taking, and self-revelation required); yet, at the same time an idealized image of marriage is often also promoted (because it hits certain emotional ‘buttons’ and also generates multiple streams of commercial profit)… all of which often leads to shattering disillusionment when reality hits.”

[REAL QUICK > notice when he says “make unformed youth ERECT barriers…”? 🤣]

So. I might have become a lightening rod—a moving target—bringing some sort of darkened personality issue in the barista to light. (Pluto ☌ my ASC, so. 🤷🏻‍♀️)

(Sorry, I know I keep dropping the “Plutonian” reference as tho that explains everything, but I haven’t finished that post yet, hang tight—just assume Plutonian = damaged, compelling, + manipulative, sometimes in useful ways. 👻)

And here’s the thing > without my rad occult powers (a.k.a. astrology apps ✨), from my POV, his outburst would just look like abusive, erratic, boundary-busting behavior…

…suggesting that without the apps + my curiosity after a weird light (which I probably would’ve forgotten about if not for astrology newsletters ✅)…

…and because he’s aggro about the overheated dog in his car, and because his nuts haven’t dropped yet nor has he found a way to countenance me…

…BASICALLY, without the apps, I might’ve decided to give up playing this stupid game and start stalking baristas at Starbucks… 🤔

AND THAT. WOULD BE. SO DISAPPOINTING. 😫🥀

But, CONFIRMED VIA OUR (hypothetical) SYNASTRY CHART 🙌🏻> the barista is Plutonian comme moi 👻✨, according to a big planetary stellium in Scorpio ♏️, including a Scorpio Moon hovering a handful of degrees from my Ascendent.  ☺️🦋

(Stellium = lots of planets there . ✨)

And remember what Arroyo said > we like “harmonious” Moon aspects, such as Moon-Ascendent contacts, but this particular Moon can be strange-volatile, in general. 😳

Having a Moon in Scorpio ♏️🌙 alone might qualify you as Plutonian, because a Scorpio Moon attaches to whatever force most compels or fascinates it (usually at a super-sublime, gooey, nonverbal level), and then basically wrestles itself into the other’s soma…

And pretty much all the rest of the Scorpio Moon’s life coalescences upon that compulsive ebbing and flowing for which the object of desire and fascination has now been totally submerged within.

Trust me on this > Pluto hovering within 3° of my Ascendent in Scorpio ♏️ (its domicile). 😘💋

Uh-kay, and what does that mean? > Basically, whenever a Scorpio Moon gets lost, it finds its way to my house. 💁🏻‍♀️

Last thing I’ll say will be excerpt from Octavio Paz’s My Life with the Wave, which is basically a surrealistic poem-story about romancing + cohabitating with a Scorpio Moon ♏️🌙>

“Stretched out side by side, we exchanged confidences, whispers, smiles. Curled up, she fell on my chest and unfolded there like a vegetation of murmurs. She sang in my ear, a little seashell. She became humble and transparent, clutching my feet like a small animal, calm water. She was so clear I could read all of her thoughts. On certain nights her skin was covered with phosphorescence and to embrace her was to embrace a piece of night tattooed with fire. But she also became black and bitter. At unexpected hours she roared, moaned, twisted. Her groans woke the neighbors. Upon hearing her, the sea wind would scratch at the door of the house or rave in a loud voice on the roof. Cloudy days irritated her; she broke furniture, said foul words, covered me with insults and gray and greenish foam. She spat, cried, swore, prophesied. Subject to the moon, the stars, the influence of the light of other worlds, she changed her moods and appearance in a way that I thought fantastic, but was a fatal as the tide.”

#IMHO, on the inside, SCORPIO MOONS ♏️🌙 are basically Girl, Interrupted. 😳

(#endrant)

Also, reading a bit deeper into the barista having Scorpio on the Sixth House (Virgo territory) ♏️♍️> obsession + control (♏️) might be the primary moods and motivators for his daily rhythm + process (= sixth house), especially so with all the planet-play here, and compounded by Lilith hovering close-at-hand to his Midheaven (angle at the top of the chart), plus having these other natal chart markers indicating sex addiction > Pluto in the 5th ✨ Lilith in Pisces ✨Neptune in aspect to North Node ✨ Gemini ASC… 😳🤭

So, calibrating expectations (and judging strangers), another win for astrology. 💫

also, if i’m accurate about birth year, and the barista’s chiron return is imminent >

I guess-timate the barista is at the starting line of his Chiron Return, or where the asteroid Chiron (our “soul wound”) returns to its natal position, thus kickstarting a major healing passage and era of personal actualization. ✨

What’s Chiron Return? > When a comet-asteroid in the sky right now pulls up side-by-side the Chiron in our charts, forcing a dead-on confrontation with the memories, players, and even lingering malfeasance from our deepest wound—the way the pain and trying to manage or minimize it might be knocking you off your true love + grind. 

How can a comet-asteroid help us with a fuckin’ SOUL-LEVEL wound? >  WELP, by helping you (a) recognize a wound is actually there, and (b) that everyone has this wound (in different places), and that (c) this wound never heals, but by our Chiron Return (age 50ish), we have an opportunity to make beautiful purpose + medicine from the pain. 🕊✨

Barbara Hand Clow’s Chiron + Kundalini Rising have tables that show you where your Chiron wounding passages will occur / have occurred, and knowing about natal Chiron (in your chart) can help you understand and learn to cope with deep wounds (yay). 

But even without knowing the astrology, when Chiron returns, circumstances arise helping / forcing us to confront that dross, so we can (hopefully) move into our Renaissance Decade 🌟> a personal era of healing catharsis, creative fellowship, and enthusiastic sharing one’s true gifts and talents. (Read more about Chiron and the Renaissance Decade here.) 

And if the barista was born the year I suspect (+ also at the birth time I’ve guess-timated), then his Gemini-Ascendant ♊️totally would be feelin’ up on my Chiron, and thank his lucky stars, because it’s also humping my Point of Destiny in my Eighth House, so his personal Renaissance is about to become my personal sex business (lol jk he threatened me + won’t apologize ☺️✨).

I’ll be digging into Chiron (natal, transit, synastry) SOON, but for now, I think this asteroid on my Vertex is what’s beckoning. 🌺

also, more about black moon lilith (b.m.l.) in the natal chart, for judging strangers ✨ >

Lilith in a natal chart is our most resented and resentful astro-erogenous zone 💕✨> Lilith (BML) represents our “taboo,” and Lilith contacts in synastry charges a relationship with broody erotic obsessiveness—hankering for the same kind of relief as when you make it to the bathroom in time, but felt with your genitals. 🐯

“In a man’s chart, Lilith represents how he deals with female power. Some sources have suggested that his Lilith describes the type of woman (by sign and planetary aspects) that he fears and desires the most. I would say that his Lilith shows the type of woman who makes him intensely uncomfortable, and how he deals with that is a reflection of how he handles power dynamics with the opposite sex.”

(Source)

Lilith attractions don’t necessarily become relationships, and if they do, the relationships aren’t necessarily long term or emotional or significant (read as: prime for “domestic harmony”, see Arroyo 🌙).

HOWEVER, Lilith in synastry might explain a sense of inappropriate or “doomed” attraction or you feel towards someone, even just an acquaintance, and even according to potentially skewed-inaccurate birth data.

SO, I have communicated how much I appreciate his Lilith (+ my own upon his Saturn), but reading about someone else’s natal Lilith should immediately qualify as stalking, particularly if the Lilith-person is being judged for it. ✨

Because I’ve basically used the scratch on his (hypothetical) Black Moon Lilith to deduce why the barista seems compelled, but totally avoidant of me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

“BML can sexualize whatever it touches. It is intimately connected to the archetype of ‘the femme fatale,’ and men with BML prominent may be attracted to relationships which cause them to give up their power and surrender to the feminine. They may also be terrified of doing such a thing, and avoid women altogether. Or they may like being surrounded by very powerful women (or a combination of all these things).”

(Source)

If your Lilith is strong (emphasized in your chart, such as the barista ✨), and you haven’t woke to her yet, then you might project all your Lilith power (+ angst) onto people around you—oftentimes onto women with strong placements in the same Sign as your (denied, taboo, unnoticed) Lilith. 🤯

SO, having natal Lilith in Pisces ♓️in his Tenth House of Career + Reputation, close-at-hand to his MC with a couple goddess asteroids as well as his hypothetical Sun strewn about ( 😳) > indicates the barista might tend to capitulate towards passive-aggressive women (Lilith in ♓️and the Tenth House, ruled by Saturn / ♑️), and is more comfortable incorporating my clumsy fascination into a public performance as part of his own heroic work narrative to soothe the feminine angst and resentment around him that he already tends to stay hyper-vigilent of…

…even while rebuffing the new, cute attention he (unconsciously) craves and vies for (based on current midlife transits)? 😤🤮

WHOA BITCH ✋🏻, how do you even know your attraction is reciprocal, since he hasn’t confirmed if he also noticed any natural phenomena on your face on Eclipse Day? 🤔> because one afternoon I walked into the cafe when he was alone behind the espresso bar, and as I approached the register, he hovered in one spot (he moves erratically a lot) and smiled all the way to his eyes which got bedroomy and hazy with pinkish light while reminding me he can’t fucking hear me since I’ve started whispering my coffee order in a breathy Jennifer Tilly voice…

(Only because I’m being strangled by invisible angels when I go into the cafe, possibly because his Lilith is on my Mercury 👼🏻> “Lilith conjunct Mercury synastry aspect means that one person typically feels shame about how the other partner thinks or communicates,” see more here.)

Anyway > I leaned forward like I was going to start climbing onto him, and he squared up as though to suggest “Ya, do it!”, but a couple moments later the L.O.T.R.-Elf lookin’ femme-barista came back onto the floor 🧝🏻‍♀️, and he leapt two and a half feet away towards the espresso machine. 🙄

And as I was walking out the exit, I realized… maybe he was only luring me in exactly so the other barista 🧝🏻‍♀️would find it? 🙈😔

So that she might report back to the other baby-baristas and reinforce the janky barista’s heroic work narrative and public performance?

…at least that’s the vibe I get upon first entering the cafe when the other baby-baristas sly-eye-smile at each other like a geisha girl gang, sending each another telepathic inside jokes about the horny-housewife-psychopath that just entered their midst. ✨ ✨ ✨

via GIPHY

FULL CONFESSION > I don’t hate a strong Lilith placement, not on anyone. 💕

Unfortunately…

I may be aloof AF (Venus in Aquarius ♒️, holla 🎉)…

But I am not passive aggressive, or validation-seeking, in deploying my feminine wiles.

Like—I won’t be able to help him further or more deeply repress his Lilith, especially not with my Mercury conjunct her, whispering dirty jokes and gossip about other people in the room (for some reason I’m picturing our Mercury-Lilith as two of the evil trick-or-treaters from Nightmare Before Christmas… confusing, but I don’t hate it 🤔😍)

I guess, from my interpretation, I don’t express Lilith-angst in the style or direction he’s sensitive to? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Like—literally, the only Lilith-angst he’s ever seen on my face is a delicate, anxious expression as I struggle not to ask, “Excuse me, could you help me parallel park my car…?”

(Or some other sex trap. 🎉)

Thx astrology, for once again deepening my self-understanding! 🧘🏻‍♀️

Anyway, according to the (janky) synastry report I’ve just delivered > this is a Lilith-driven attraction, with our Lilith-Saturn and Lilith-Mercury linkages luring us (or each other) towards the edge of our private boundary issues.

And I think the barista feels the attraction, and might be hella spooked, and is basically “Lilithing” out.

here's why transiting lilith, in the sky right now, is about to shake it up…

Ceres and Lilith are currently conjunct in Gemini ♊️ (read more here), meaning that for the barista ✨> Lilith-Ceres are moving over his First House of Identity, Persona, + Appearance, so he might be considering trade-offs between what is provisional, but solid (like Ceres) and what is taboo, but true (like Lilith). 

For me, Ceres and Lilith are moving through my Eighth House of Sex, Death, and Estate Planning (cute), so the vibes I’m getting is as though I’m taking a longview on a weekend getaway with both my BFF and closest frenemy, both of whom I want to seduce without the other’s knowledge—an expectation guaranteed to get my feelings hurt and mean I’ll end up Ubering home alone.

(Read more about Ceres-Lilith in Gemini here, and visualize the Houses aligned with Gemini on your chart to guess-timate the influence in your own weird life. ✨)

I’m interpreting any and all Eighth House transits as prep work for my Pluto Square (IT’S COMING > see more), and other midlife transits (more about these in a future post, revisit Kundalini Rising in the meantime ✌🏻). 

SO > for the barista, I am the TABOO!

But, I guess, not like… FUN taboo? 💁🏻‍♀️

Healing taboo.

That’s cool, I guess.

SYNASTRY TRIVIA + RESOURCES…

…(FOR IMPROVING / CORRECTING WHAT I’VE JUST TAUGHT YOU ☺️)

Like I said, synastry is basically reading a natal chart x 2, plus adding them up together, and it takes hella days to process + synthesize, or basically, fit together into a useful, meaningful whole.

At least for me, a strong challenger of interpersonal relating, in general. ☺️

It’s basically like asking me to paint a picture of a mathematical concept that I might have seen a documentary about, but like—what, what IS relating, tho…? 🤔😳

SO, here are more hints, clues, and resources for helping you make sense of your synastry chart!

💖 Mystic’s 3 core factors in Love + Relationship astrology > 1. Natal chart energy (placements), 2. Timing (transits), 3. Compatibility (aspects).✨

💖 Houses in Synastry > where to look up the significance of your “relationship houses” in a synastry chart, and also, types of relationship based on House (if you’re canvassing your whole synastry chart, and notice most of the planet play isn’t happening in any relationship houses 😬—starts with the 4th-9th Houses)

💖 Elements in synastry > an intro-tutorial on elemental compatibility in synastry, a “score guide to  “synastry points” 🤣, and this might be totally random, but I love it > Are You Attracted to the Element You Lack? ( 🙋🏻‍♀️🜁 )

💖ALSO, descriptions of the Eighth House + sex style, and descriptions of Signs, Planets, + the psycho-sexuality of the Eighth House. Barista + I have complementary elements on the Eighth House (Taurus-Capricorn), and I don’t hate that his Mars is at an anarectic degree here (mounting tension…?). 💁🏻‍♀️💫

💖Studying your Moons? > the Moon in the Signs + Houses, and this blog has a great database on Moon aspects in synastry. (Psst—this Synastry Q&A is where I got the cute little insight about Mars-Moon oppositions, holla 😉🎉)

💖Descriptions for all the planets in synastry, to cover all the variables in your chart.

💖Because both my ex-husband + mine’s Chirons were activated by the 2011 Gemini Eclipse, as well as my Chiron getting co-triggered by this year’s Eclipse > Chiron in Synastry! Also, all the other asteroids in synastry, including Lilith. 🐍

💖Must-read series if your own Eclipse Story with the Lunar Nodes or Destiny Point is unfolding > The Vertex versus the Nodes in Synastry, and if you want to deep-dive > check out this Plutonic Desire article, which walks you through the frustrations + usefulness found in certain Nodal aspects in synastry 🌗

💖For your self-efficacy ✨> The Astrology of Relationships: Chemistry versus Compatibility, PLUS Five Common Misconceptions in Synastry, and Five Things Astrologers Look for in Relationship Compatibility.

💖ALSO > Red flags in synastry. 😳🚩

💖ALSO, the other ways of doing relationship astrology > composite charts + the Davison method, PLUS, how to find the “theme” of your relationship in a synastry or composite chart.

💖Outer Planets contacts in synastry, part 1 > Pluto + Uranus might play out in the barista + mine’s thing, and I love that about us. 💕(Also check out this article for specific aspects between Outer + Personal Planets, and the type of influence they bear on the relationship, plus this article about Outer Planet contacts on the angles.)

💖Read Mystic delineate (“break down” or deconstruct) the astrology of one of Aubrey Hepburn’s love affairs, and basically explain Outer Planets in synastry. 💕

💖Okay, there’s a possibility, because of the Eclipse trippin’ his Node, I might be the barista’s “Destiny Muse,” exacerbated by the astro-fact that I am an Outer Planet person. 😳> “If you were to run first-meeting charts for every significant person in your life, especially those who changed the course of it, you’d find Moon’s Node Destiny Muse aspects all over it. There would be strong synastry between your Nodes and at the time of the initial encounter. And, there would be an element of synchronicity to that meeting. You followed a hunch. They missed a plane. If it were ten minutes later, they would not have been there.”

💖OMG, Neptunian suffering in synastry 😳> "I have to admit that in all my years of doing synastries, I’ve seen Neptune cause the most outright suffering. Now, this could be because of resonance. I believe we attract clients whose issues match our knowledge and experience. So I attract more Neptune-oriented folks than most. Neptune has a dangerous proclivity to urge us to lose ourselves in a well of grief for the unattainable, making life itself seem futile. I don’t know what’s worse, having the dream and then losing it, or having the dream of a dream." (Source)

💖MORE SPECIAL READING ABOUT NEPTUNE > an astrological point of view on codependency (I just shuddered), starring Neptune > “The Neptune/Pisces individual’s sense of boundaries tend to be rather fluid. Since we feel the emotions of others, we tend to think that others do the same. It is often a shock for us to realize that most people do not. It is as hard for us to fathom that notion as it is for others to understand that there are people that have Neptunian abilities. Clinicians call Neptunian emotional fluidity “hyperawareness of other’s emotions” and considers this a symptom of codependency.”

💖Juno, the “wife” or consort asteroid, which kind of fascinates me? (Maybe bc barista’s Chiron is near-conjunct Juno…? Someone help me read deeper into this…!)

💖Want more insight about NATAL Mars? > this Mystic post deep-dives in Mars aspects, and here’s intel on Mars-Saturn and the Male Psyche... part ONE! ✅

💖Some hints > Magnetism and Sex Appeal in the Birth Chart, also, sex style according to Mars, Lilith, + Eros placements, plus the chart signatures of sex addicts. 💁🏻‍♀️

💖Also, this isn’t our case (my “skipped step” would be Moon-Neptune/Capricorn ♑️ vibes), but it’s hella fascinating > “It’s always tricky when a romantic partner triggers your skipped step. There is a powerful draw, with an equally powerful frustration, or even repulsion. The details of your unresolved story can be found in the house positions of the skipped step planet and the North and South Nodes. Your skipped step partner is more than just a painful reminder of your past life failings; they are your key to evolving in this life. But as always, it’s up to you and your partner, if you want to work through the story together and start a new chapter. Or, you may decide to leave this one for the next life.” Read more and find out about your “skipped step” in synastry. 😉✨

💖 Great, and where should I look for astro-insight on my intimacy issues? 🤔> “The second/eighth house polarity becomes vastly important in synastry, because without an easy flow between these houses we are incapable of the kind of intimacy that sustains relationship. The secret of Pluto, and the gift of most successful long-term relationships, is that they have the ability to continually renew themselves.” (Source)

💖 What else can you look for in a synastry chart? > this Plutonic Desire database shows you what to look for, including the Darakaraka (personal planet at the lowest degree in the chart about “the spouse,” still super fun 👍🏻 )

💖 Interpreting long term vs short term relationships depends on reading for PROGRESSIONS, which I know nothing about, and basically means everything I’ve just taught you is useless > “The truth is that you can see the advent of a significant relationship, but this can only be done by a proper reading of progressions. The progressed chart is the only way we know if something serious is occurring between two people, and it will show up in both charts. Progressions signify long-term development and significant times/events, and a number of things need to be in place for an important relationship to show itself. Progressions show our readiness for a relationship to enter our lives, a time where we are ripe to join with another. We like to think that we’re ready for a serious relationship all the time, but the truth is that we aren’t. A lot of times, we’re meant to go it alone for a while.” (Source) 

💖 Finally, don’t forget your deceptively-simple-but-super-handy, synastry chart worksheet…! 🤩

Free Synastry Chart Worksheet

💕✨

Free Synastry Chart Worksheet 💕✨

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as you await for me to live, research, and churn out these articles, here is my amateur interpretation of mine + the barista’s (hypothetical) synastry…

I am the Doom-Lilith on his inner Patriarch 🐍, our Moons 🌙 are cloying but unstable, our Ascendents are straddled by each other’s Destiny Points 🌀, and I remember nothing about the hypothetical compatibility of our aesthetic preferences ⚤, except that my Mars wants to storm his Moon, and to the tempo of an Octavio Paz poem. 💕✨

but where does the story go from here…?

IDK, DUDE! Because this obviously isn’t just my Eclipse Story…

But here’s what the (maybe pretend ✨) synastry has revealed > this is a LILITH-driven attraction, her taboo rising to the semi-surface between us after the Eclipse tripped my Vertex-Chiron and possibly lit upon the barista’s South Node, when the barista is astrologically on-ramping for his Chiron Return (I’m approximating 2024)...

Even without knowing the astrology, he might be feelin’ a little pained and pressured by larger extenuating circumstances in his broader life, all colluding to de-stabilize his inner rhythm, making it feel extra important to totally avoid (or holler about 💁🏻‍♀️) my weird, shy attention on him at work…

...because HOW CAN HE EVEN DO ANYTHING without betraying his persona, embarrassing his scruples, eating crow, and without having to change his usual approach and rules of engagement?!

...all of which are there to specifically protect his deepest insecurities (Saturn) as well as his nougat-y, tender soul-wound (Chiron)? 🧁

IN WHICH CASE > yes, my deranged Lilith 🐍might be siren-calling him into the path of Chironic healing just in time to unleash his Renaissance Decade... 💫

BUT ALSO, as he inches toward the call (not that he will actually heed it 💥), the wound referred to by his Chiron is probably being picked at by his inner demons as they turn their attention onto everything that isn’t “working” in our brief, erratic, but somatically intense encounters in the coffee shop…

Which means that I am basically a lightening rod, bringing the barista’s repressed issues more into the light (related to his achey Chiron), every time I enter. 🙈

Because… DOES HE EVEN KNOW ABOUT ECLIPSES OR CHIRON RETURNING OR THAT LILITH IS RUNNING HIS SHIT??? 🙀

And the only way he could find out would be if I ambushed him alone while he’s making a wellness check on his little dog, maybe leaping out from the trunk of his sedan and screaming, “ECLIPSES, FUCKER!” 🌗👻

Idk what I’d do after that, though.

also—our progressions are interfering with the astro-potential (as much as our dilapidated psyches 👁)…

“Progressions” are a predictive tool in astrology, where the chart is “sped up” in time.

And I was tricked into learning them (and recasting the barista and mine’s still hypothetical synastry), because all the astrologers were suggesting I’d do just that to find out answers about what’s happening (or not happening, or basically just unfolding in an slow, alienating way) in real time…

And what has been revealed feels like stumbling by accident upon the final clue to a mystery game that everyone else already gave up on hours ago and instead went to watch Great British Baking Show (that’s fine).

BASICALLY > I learned something about the barista’s progressed Moon that sympathized me to a (potential) emotional condition that seems accurate (from a hovering bystander’s point of view), and which harmonizes much of the bizarre synastry data I’ve sputtered out for you here. 💞

My Lilith will definitely get rough ‘n tumble on his Moon-goo, though it might also be soothed over by my horny Chiron and its erotic fascination with Uranus in his eyes (mebbe). ☺️✨

Our Progressed Synastry basically explains why the Eclipse only triggered this whole process—whatever this process is…. whatever this wonderful miracle becomes. 💩

And we’re just going to have to keep studying astrology apps and following the Internet witches advice for a little while longer, until the Eclipse set closes out (December 2021 ✨) or until I find a babysitter.

also, thanks for your saint-like patience as i research, learn, and experiment with deploying all the astro-lore…

Do you love the idea that I’m psychoanalyzing this person, watching him trying to steam milk and banter with his coworkers, pretending to not be fine-tune focused on my dead-fish eyes staring over my phone, where I am hyper-comparing everything he says to what’s suggested in my Time Passages app, and like, the whole room of people seem aware of the current of energy between us, and I truly hope someone glances at my phone and guesses what’s up and calls me out, it would be such a relief. 👍🏻

Stay tuned. ✨

Also… this is very important…

Somebody should probably re-read this tutorial, and let me know if I’m doing this right? 😳😬😅

p.s. enticed by this... whatever it is? >

If you’d like to follow along as I continue stalking baristas via synastry, subscribe to my newsletter, where you get the whole secret scoop as fast as I manage to hyper-research + type it up.

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